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A hypothetical marriage scenario would illustrate a good way of managing some of the interactions between us Nigerians.

Let's imagine that Mr X is married to Mrs Y. Mr X's father is blind in one eye and Mrs Y's mother is blind in both eyes. One day, they have a row and Mrs Y, in a fit of pique, calls Mr Y 'you son of a one-eyed father'. A wicked riposte is quite obvious and would be a reflex response of an unthinking person. However, if Mr X were mindful of the underlying love and desired a positive joint future, he'd bite his tongue, let the insult ride and leave a gentle admonition for much letter. That is not weakness but true strength.

This is an approach I have found useful when I come across ethnic taunts and abuse on social media. Clever ripostes, cruel put downs and coruscating criticism are all too readily available and tempting, especially to those temperamentally suited to low-grade conflict, but avail us little over the long term. It is easier to avoid creating wounds than to repair them.

My own practice, when faced with such insults (your people are drug pushers, tribalists, ritualists, cowards, kidnappers, murderers, conniving bastards, disloyal backbiters, etc) is a step back, a rueful smile and a gentle redaction where possible, or even a humorous distraction. It does not ignore the infraction but merely seeks to manage the resolution positively. I recommend it to my friends.

Femi Adebajo

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naijalander:
Read:

A hypothetical marriage scenario would illustrate a good way of managing some of the interactions between us Nigerians.

Let's imagine that Mr X is married to Mrs Y. Mr X's father is blind in one eye and Mrs Y's mother is blind in both eyes. One day, they have a row and Mrs Y, in a fit of pique, calls Mr Y 'you son of a one-eyed father'. A wicked riposte is quite obvious and would be a reflex response of an unthinking person. However, if Mr X were mindful of the underlying love and desired a positive joint future, he'd bite his tongue, let the insult ride and leave a gentle admonition for much letter. That is not weakness but true strength.

This is an approach I have found useful when I come across ethnic taunts and abuse on social media. Clever ripostes, cruel put downs and coruscating criticism are all too readily available and tempting, especially to those temperamentally suited to low-grade conflict, but avail us little over the long term. It is easier to avoid creating wounds than to repair them.

My own practice, when faced with such insults (your people are drug pushers, tribalists, ritualists, cowards, kidnappers, murderers, conniving bastards, disloyal backbiters, etc) is a step back, a rueful smile and a gentle redaction where possible, or even a humorous distraction. It does not ignore the infraction but merely seeks to manage the resolution positively. I recommend it to my friends.

Femi Adebajo

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