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A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by Nobody: 8:14pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
Good morning to everyone,
especially Nigerian Americans. They
need it most. Happy elections. Don't
think I'm crazy for greeting you
happy elections, in Nigeria we
greet people about everything. You
have to get used to this now
because you are coming back
home. So, Eku election.
I very much understand that you
will soon be sent packing from
there, so I have taken it upon
myself to prepare you for the
transition. You have just a little
time left there, utilize that time to
learn more about Nigeria that you
are coming back to.
In Nigeria, we don't have light. Buy
power bank while coming. Don't
say I didn't tell you. Buy power
Bank from there because the ones
here are just like your marriages,
they don't last. Buy a quality one
from the abroad when coming.
Also, make sure you charge your
phone full before coming here. You
should also save money for
generator. Buy rechargeable lamps
and plenty torchlight too.
Also, save enough money for
subscription. There is no free WiFi
here. For those of you that will be
settling in Lokoja, Jidenna and Co,
I'll advice you to buy a glo line.
Their network is strong.
Save enough money for emergency
transport. You will be deported to
Nigeria and by the time you get to
the airport, you will need to board
a keke from the airport to the
badagry refugee centre, from
where your ancestors had been
shipped to America before. Fuel
don cost, transport don increase.
Do you eat moi moi? Learn it. In
Nigeria you cannot sit down and
order pizza anytime you want. The
only order you can make is when
you yell to the moi moi seller
across the road to bring hot moi
moi for you.
Learn proper home training. In
Nigeria the only time the police will
arrest your parents for hitting you
is after you are dead already. And
they will later settle the case as "a
family affair". If you think you can
come here to speak 'innit' for your
parents, it's the neighbours that
will help them beat you.
Are you a graduate? Doesn't
matter. There is no job. Your
American accent will not give you a
job, except your father knows
someone who knows another
person that knows a politician, you
won't have a job.
Dear American Lover Boy, Nnewi
girl will not go Dutch with you. As a
matter of fact, no Naija girl will go
Dutch with you. You have to prove
your masculinity by paying for the
date. No one is splitting the bills
with you when you take a girl on a
date.
When you bruise with a stranger in
the market, PLEASE CHECK IF YOUR
PENIS IS STILL INTACT.
Learn the Nigerian names of
common products. No one will sell
"sausage rolls" for you. If you can't
call it the Nigerian name- "Gala", no
one would have time for you.
Noodles is "Indomie". Pasta is
"spaghetti". All seasoning is
"maggi".
Dear American girl, you cannot
dress anyhow you like. Your
neighbours will eye you. The
random old woman in the market
will hiss at you. The random lady in
the bus will preach to you. The area
boys will jeer you. You might want
to report "harassment" to the
police, they will arrest you for
indecent dressing.
Dear lovers, in Nigeria we don't
show public display of affection.
You cannot be kissing your
boyfriend under the rain. The old
woman passing by will invoke
thunder to strike the both of you.
These are some of the basic tips to
help you adapt after you have been
deported. More to come. 1 Like |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by Nobody: 8:15pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
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Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by MalcoImX: 8:17pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
Trump is a con man. He must do all those thinks he said he'd do; if not he'd just taken the iPodic-thinking Americans for a ride. // He won the elections on outrageous sentiments that he'll build a wall at Mexico's border, provide jobs, repeal Obamacare, expel all undocumented immigrants, total ban on Muslims entering the US, insisting on jailing Hillary, trade war with China, weakening NATO, that climate change is a hoax, etc. Its really hard and if he didn't do those things is that not a deception? To me, that conning people as he was accused already by some as being a dubious character. |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by talktonase(m): 8:24pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
This no be small thin oh! Many of them cant survive naija... |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by kodded(m): 8:29pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
[s] MalcoImX:[/s] Leave trump alone and face your buhari 3 Likes
|
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by MalcoImX: 8:42pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
kodded:Like GEJ like Trump. Happy now, recession later. |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by BenBruce4Presdt(f): 8:45pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
[s] MalcoImX:[/s] If you had half of this your useless thoughts about the dullardeen he would have been resting in Daura by now as a frustrated slowpoke he is.. 1 Like |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by MalcoImX: 8:48pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
BenBruce4Presdt:It's not the beginning but the finishing that matters. GEJ thought it was easy but was overwhelmed. Let's hope he doesn't go and bow in Saudi Arabia as madridguy said. |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by BenBruce4Presdt(f): 9:04pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
[s] MalcoImX:[/s] I don't care what he does or does not do...I only cares about your hypocrisy that made you think criminal Buhari deserved to be president of Somalia.. For your info.. GEJ was never overwhelmed, rather he was on top of the situation just that your hate and tribal stance is stronger than ur ability to be sincere.. If you categorized GEJ as overwhelmed, then when u activate ur sincerity mode and have taken full dose of ur serum and be cured 'Zombizm' what you would call the criminal chief dullardeen, the almighty gworo grinder.. 1 Like |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by madridguy(m): 9:15pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
Many people are on long thing. Just like some people waiting for Sai Baba to start feeding school children. Even as a die hard Buharist, there are some things in his campaign speech that I knew even if Sai Baba rule for 50 years he wont do but as a politician you have to sugar coat whatever you want to say for you to gather more votes. Children waiting for Trump to start sending back the Muslims, una go wait taya MalcoImX: |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by bennyann: 9:21pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
I think Trump is nicer than we think. |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by MalcoImX: 9:22pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
BenBruce4Presdt:We may possibly have different value systems. I will never in this life envy, adore GEJ, Trump or Kanu. For Kanu, I consider him a criminal for corrupting the suffering of the real "Indigenous people"; for Trump, his id and ego will never be under his superego - that's why I don't feel he'll succeed; for GEJ, he's simply unaware and clueless. |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by EHMIR(m): 9:23pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
They should also practice how to jump okada and danfo |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by BenBruce4Presdt(f): 9:36pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
MalcoImX: Hahaha.. And Buhari is a criminal, a murderer and a rapist.. I hope you also agree that he is super clueless and completely dumb and dying.. Tinubu who obviously is a well known criminal used and corrupted the already brain washed brains of the real Yorubas deceived them for his selfish ambitions.. |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by MalcoImX: 9:44pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
BenBruce4Presdt:Hey Bruce, you're speaking like the master of "disaster" - Trump. Are you really a lady? |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by PDJT: 9:55pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
Thanks bud. |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by BenBruce4Presdt(f): 9:57pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
MalcoImX: It's painful when mature minds like you plays fallacious game.. Imagine how easy it was for you to criticize GEJ against the whole body of proofs before you.. I am not saying he did great things.. But considering where we were coming from and where we finally landed.. If you are not unnecessarily hateful, you should have been more concern with what the criminal your cheered into Aso-rock and his band of criminal are upto .. GEJ is no longer the president, let's focus on Buhari that promised us change from all the nagative GEJ era.. Wake up and free yourself of this hate.. It should be getting old on you by now, shouldn't it? 1 Like |
Re: A Facebook User's Useful Tips For Soon-to-be Trumped Nigerians In America by MalcoImX: 10:03pm On Nov 09, 2016 |
BenBruce4Presdt:Point out GEJ legacy for us. What could he be remembered for -'loose mouth like Frumpy - that stealing is not corruption or what? At least, Buhari is carving a niche as anti-corruption fighter.. 1 Like |
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