Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”

Two factory workers talking:
Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
Man: “And how would you do that?”
Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”
Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”
Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?”
The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

A man talking to God:
The man: “God, how long is a million years?”
God: “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God: “To me it’s a penny.”
The man: “God, may I have a penny?”
God: “Wait a minute.”

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”

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The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.
Student: And what happened next?
Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

A pastor was preaching about death to his congregation. He said, “One day, every member of this church is going to die!”
Akpos, who sat in the front row laughed excessively at the pastor.
The pastor repeated it. “I said, one day, every member of this church is going to die!”
Again akpos laughed out loud.
The irritated pastor asked Akpos, “Son, what’s so funny about that?”
Akpos replied, “I’m not a member of this church!”

TEACHER: How many feet are there in a yard?
AKPOS: It depends, if there are 3 people, then we have six feet.

MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH.
*ABEG DRESS BACK.
*If I hear pim, u go hear
weeen.
*Have they BROUGHT light?
*The FILM is SWEET
*Pls help me SLOW that fan
*Mummy HAVE come
*I'll tell my daddy FOR YOU
*Have you paid your school
fees money?
*See as you BAFF up
*Put the bread inside LYLON
*I strong KAKARAKA
*Oya come and be going
*I KUKUMA don't have your
time
*Shebi you have BB charger
*See how her eye is entering
my food
*Did you see the sound of my
ringtone?
*I know you have come since
bcoz I hear
your perfume.
*What is STRONG with you?
*SHARAP your mouth.
Oya add your own ...lets hv fun..Good morning Peepz

Finally its here
.
.
How to get MTN 7GB for just #200
.
This is tested and working
.
> Make sure u are on mtn ipulse, if not dial
*406#
.
.
> load #200 mtn card
.
.
> Now send 419 to 33333...den u
wil get a reply saying
.
"dear criminal,how you wan take get 7gb for
#200?, una tink say we be father christmas!!?

1. When you dump a girl from OSUN, she'll
create
a scene
& disgrace you.

2. Dump a girl from CALABAR, she'll beat
you & force you to love her again whether you
like
it or not.

3. Dump a girl from ABUJA, she'll cry day &
night.

4.Dump a girl from BENIN, she'll bewitch you and
you will
wake up with boils on your face.

5. Dump a girl from ENUGU, she'll take your
name
& picture to shrine.

6. Dump a girl from IMO, she won't even notice it
because she has so many sugar daddies.

7. Dump a girl from WARRI, she'll turn her
bedroom to beer parlour & drink all sort of drinks

until she gets high.
8. Dump a girl from LAGOS, she'll go round &
sleep with all your friends.

9. Dump a girl from PORT HARCOURT, in 2
weeks' time she'll invite you to her wedding.

10. Dump a girl from ANAMBRA, she'll tempt
your
dad & become your stepmother.

11. Dump a girl from KANO, she'll report you to
her dad in the army & you will marry her at gun
point.

12. Dump an BORNO girl, she'll burn ur property &
apologize.

13. Dump a BAYELSA girl, you'll see her the next
day in ur house with your elder brother.

14. Dump a girl from KOGI, no need they have
dumped you a long time ago.

15. Dump a girl from BENUE, am sorry you
already have AIDS.
Wetin I still dey reason be say na wetin go come
happen if you dump a girl from ABA

Abeg Who funny Pass?

1. HAUSA man who removed his shoes to enter a taxi.

2. IGBO man who went to the bank with a spanner to open a bank account.

3. A YORUBA man who went to bed with a ruler just to know how long he slept.

4. A TIV man who watched the news and waved at the news news caster.

5. AN EFIK nurse who woke up a sleeping patient simply because she forgot to give him sleeping pills.

6. AN IGALA man who lowered his TV volume because he wanted to read a text message..

7. AN IKWERE man who polished his shoes to take a passport photo.

8. AN ISOKO man who climbed a mango tree to check if the mango was ripe enough then came down and started stoning it.

9. A FULANI man who chose to drink Fanta because he thought sprite was unripe.

10. A GWARI man who saw something that looked like shit, touched and tasted and said "Hmmm" na sh!t ooo!!! Thank God I no match am.

11. AN IDOMA man who put his radio inside the refrigerator because he wanted to listen to Cool FM.

Who funny pass