Women’s attitudes worsen after marriage
With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

Thanks a million times for your efforts to redeem the family unit from the abyss in which it has been plunged. I thank you for your response of Tuesday, November 24. I actually have several questions to ask. Why do many, if not all women, change for worse after marriage? Why women do prefer stonewalling to opening up and discussing whatsoever it is that is bordering them with their spouse? Can we conclude on a general note that women are close to being impossible? Finally, how can I engender friendship between my wife and I permanently?




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It burdens me that ladies change after they are married. They change from being loving, caring, understanding, and submissive to something else especially after they start making babies. I have observed with dismay the way my friends’ wives stop listening to their husbands after marriage. They refuse to take to suggestions even when it is obvious they are wrong or ignorant about an issue. These couples hardly see eye to eye on any issue.

Even when the man suspects something is amiss and asks the ‘what’ question, the usual answer is “nothing” and the stonewalling continues. Since I have observed this on several women, I dare to ask, why the trend? This is making me having a second thought about getting married somehow.

I desire my wife to be my friend, confidant, and lover forever. How do I achieve that?

Midas.

Dear Midas,

First is the understanding that both men and women are subject to change after a while as a married couple, and that change is relative. Some of the things couples think are changes, in reality, are issues which have always been there but which couples are noticing for the first as they now live together. Again some of these changes come from knowing that all the fears and insecurity of losing one’s love to another person have finally come to an end. Marriage is the reality that this person is finally mine, hence one can relax fully. Unfortunately, in relaxing from fears and anxieties associated with pre-marital relationship comes the tendency to take for granted important things and issues that help firm up a relationship whether pre or post marital. Also familiarity has a way of making unimportant things that are very important. Many women metamorphous from nursing all the insecurities to being very secured in the lives of their men hence begin to manifest some traits they couldn’t during courtship. It is a natural thing that comes from coming tops in a game. As we all know, success not well managed could become arrogant, insensitive and disrespectful. Having ousted all the other women contending for the position of the wife of the man, she feels secured to do as she pleases, including letting the man know that she is as human as he is. A man wishing to have a lasting relationship with his wife must never hesitate to point her at these changes as soon as they begin to appear. Many women actually begin to misbehave unconsciously, often than not, without realizing that they are upsetting the natural balance of the marriage institution.

But when her husband keeps reminding her of her new nature, pointing her at the danger of allowing her new nature swallow up all the good points that put her above all the other women he dated, most women do change. A lot of time the refusal of most men to talk about these changes gives these women the room to continue to misbehave. Also is the decision of most men to engage in affairs outside their marriages. Rather than seek happiness in the arms of other women, both men and women should make efforts to make their marriage work by learning to accept that changes isn’t limited to one gender, but applicable to both sexes.

Marital challenges often than not make so many couples change. Some of the changes come from disappointment due to high expectations. Once couples learn to accept the fact that nobody is super-human and that mistakes are essential to our maturity and development in life, couples would have better marriages. To be happy in your marriage, you must be prepared to tolerate whatever situation God throws at you. Always remember that marriage is like a wrapped gift whose content can only be revealed after it has been unwrapped. You will never fully know the nature of your spouse until after the wedding day. Make up your mind to accept whatever package God gives you and learn to manage the nature of the woman just as she would also learn to manage yours. Knowing that you aren’t perfect goes a long way in making issues appear lighter than the situation presents it to be. Such knowledge would help you to appreciate her the more especially on those days she steps out of line. For you to earn her respect, you must also respect her and live up to your responsibilities as the head and man of the house.

Friendship comes from trust, something you must give her at all time to enable her reciprocate the gesture. Chances are that she would follow the lead you provide her with. Above all, learn to trust God always.

Good luck.