It’s Christmas after all

This is a story of how I thought that Santa Claus missed my house. A crewmember, rooting for the bloated Santa, taunted that Rudolph - the leader of the reindeer - could not wade through the organized disorder of Ajegunle to locate my house. But I would rather believe that Santa must have taken offence that I did not keep my 2009 New Year resolutions of changing my residency from AJ to VGC. You can’t really blame me on that. Such resolutions are hard to keep when the economic crunch has committed you to jumping molue and perching on okada to meet deadlines at pepper soup joints. It’s the only place that matters when you have failed on all fronts.

For those of you that made it and are happy hobnobbing with Santa Claus, my congratulations. I am happy for you.

As for my crew, we have decided that it’s Christmas, after all. The gaiety of the season is available to all. Its joyous flow does not discriminate among those that did not strike it rich. Happiness is a state of mind. Merriment is about how many Shine, Shine Bobo bottle your stomach can take. Let Santa continue to discriminate whose house he would not enter.

By the time you finished reading this, I would have been recovering from my third consecutive hangover. I still have a couple of runs on the joints before the New Year sets in for another resolution. If I wake up and its five days in the New Year already, I would hurry up hoping that there were still some owambe party left in the holiday. Please don’t bother me with the dreadful predictions that are expected in the fearsome Anambra election year. I have resolved to ignore the doomsayers and merry all the way in 2010. You can bet I would surely keep to that. As for predictions, I hereby forecast that world peace is at hand now that Obama has won Nobel Peace Price, without firing a shot at Iran. Nigeria economy is up, since the amnesty is working. What else do you want? If you are expecting to hear it from my mouth that Yaradua has finally decided to throw in his presidency for a healthy vacation in Saudi Arabia, you will be disappointed.

As for those fat cats that their debt brought down our banks, why are you on the run? Are you no longer the lords of Private Sector? Stay put and enjoy your Christmas with you’re your family, instead of hiding in freezing London West-End. If EFCC knocks at your door, throw in one of your houses in Asokoro, cruise back to your VGC home and wait for Santa to slide in through your chimney. Aren’t you better off? Our houses at AJ lack chimney and we had hoped that Santa would have squeezed himself through the window in case he is scared of the burglary proof on our doors.

Santa, this is unique Nigeria. How I wish you knew that visiting my crew would have been an exotic experience for you. We were waiting to take you to Madam Do-Good joint for a delicious isiewu dinner. Forget the cookies and milk they usually leave at the door for you at VGC. That kind of diet makes you bulge. It’s a slimmer world, Santa! But if you insist on something heavy, Iya Sikirat’s pounded yam would be fine.

Before I run off to the joint, there are special people I must remember. I sympathize with those of you that would have loved to wake up on Christmas morning in the arms of your loved ones. Take heart dear. For all the achievements this year, you would have wished he/she could just come home for Christmas and return back to wherever. Get over it. Who knows, next Christmas you would be dancing again! In the meantime, you can also find solace in the song of Jona Lewie’s Christmas classic, Stop The Cavalry.

Please folks, my phone has been ringing. Let me just take this call. The elders in the joint are probably losing patience.
[Pause]
Guess who! It’s Santa Claus! He just called to tell me he is on his way to my house.
You see! Never write off the sweetness of Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you all!

Christmas has passed nao