₦airaland Forum

Happy new year to you Nairalanders.
I need you people to assist me, as usual, with this:
I met my wife when I was serving in 2005, we got married last year February and we're blessed with a beautiful baby girl(6weeks old).
My wife and I love each other so much and never joke with anything that concerns one another, but I have a problem.
My wife is this very romantic lady to the core, an attribute of which is a part of the reasons I got married to her but all of a sudden, all the romance fantacies started to fade. She no longer responds to my advances again, even when she does, its always like she was being forced or she just wants me to satisfy my sexual desires and that's all she always comes up with different excuses like "I'n tired, I'm down emotionally, there's work tomorrow, must it be everytime?" and all sorts.

This bothers me soo much as I am the type that likes to always feel her presence whenever she's with me, even as a newly married couple, I still believe there are more things for us to explore in ourselves. We've not even had sex in all the rooms and toilets in my house, not to talk of the kitchen, parlour, dining and store.

I was frustrated, so I asked her what was wrong. She said she's always tired really, as I always leave so many things to be done for her alone and that her mind is always being occupied with so many things about us(the family) which I am supposed to be the one to do the thinking.

Nairalanders, I will tell you people the truth because the Yoruba's will always say "the dead does not hide form the person who will bury him".
I am guilty, to a little extent, of her accusations, but it is not all the time she gets to do everything at home, I'm always there most of the time to assist at least 40% of the time, and the thinking, I always leave most of it to her as I am ok with anything she decides.

Please my people, advise me as I am being sex starved, meanwhile, I have ladies that are ready to give it to me, real good, knowing that I am married already(trust Lagos babes)! but I'm still holding on to my marriage vows, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . But for how long?

You need to find out from her what she wants from you. Maybe the 40% involvement is not pleasing her.
So, you need to talk with her. Plus sounds like she has a lot of other things on her mind. I think the most
important thing is to keep communication open. Women are complex and sometimes we don't understand
 what's wrong ourselves, but it helps to talk things out.

from your write up, my deduction is that your wife does not satisfy you sexually, if that is the only problem, then look for a way to satisfy your urges and maintain your lovely home.

I'm really happy to know dat men like u are still in existance. Men who are faithful to their wives r rare. I want to start by saying "thumps up". What u have to do urgently is to sit her down n make her understand d implication of her action. Its true she may not b finding it easy but she cannot afford to turn her back on u cos u shud be more important to her than anything else or any1 else. On ur own part,if their is anything u can do,pls do wit all pleasure.   Dialogue is very important. If u handle this very well,it cud take u to another level in ur love life. All d best n pls keep holding on.

You say your baby is 6 weeks old and you got married last february which means your wife got pregnant shortly after the wedding, so throughout your first year of marriage she has either been pregnant/taking care of a new born and recovering from delivery. Only this should be enough for you to convince yourself that this situation might not last forever but might be due to the big changes in her woman's life. Honestly, being pregnant and having a small baby to take care of (breastfeeding 8 to 12 times a day + hormonal changes +lack of sleep) is already more than enough to make a woman not "as eager as before" to have intimacy with her hubby, despite the love she might feel for him.

A second thing is the work she might have at home. Many people go like "Don't you get bored at home alone with the baby?" when taking care of a house and baby is one of the most difficult thing, especially for the first one.

Now, some piece of advice    You have to take her mind out of this daily routine, to make available space for romance in her ideas (women, it comes from our head first), you can't just come up to her and ask for sex, you need to put her in the mood. Have someone take care of the baby for a couple of hours, cook/order a meal/take her out to eat, you can offer her a little massage and from there, when her mind is at peace it might be easier

I don't mean that you have to do all that [i]everytime [/i]you wanna have intimacy but from time to time, let her remember she's a woman, send her out to have fun with her friends, buy her a gift, light on some candles,  anything really that would make the situation special,  If you do that from time to time,  I am very sure her mind will be more opened to intimacy with you,  Just take it as a new courtship period.

It might sound "too much", but I know that would have worked with me,  unfortunately there were nobody to give such great advices to my hubby but he took some great steps by himself too (cooked for me, hired a housemaid to help me at home, babysit the baby from time to time to allow me going out, )

It's just a matter of time! good luck! 

Maybe there are things bothering her, most women can't have sex when they are stressed or have  a problem, it just doesn't let us to relax, as opposed to men, whom sex helps manage stress. Try and pay more attention to her, share her feelings. I am sure, she will appreciate it and reward you for it, maybe, with great sex

Waoh! You guys're just great, as always.

More of the advise pls,

[quote author=kay-pawpaw link=topic=375570.msg5245399#msg5245399 date=1262604278]Happy new year to you Nairalanders.
I need you people to assist me, as usual, with this:
I met my wife when I was serving in 2005, we got married last year February and we're blessed with a beautiful baby girl(6weeks old).
My wife and I love each other so much and never joke with anything that concerns one another, but I have a problem.
My wife is this very romantic lady to the core, an attribute of which is a part of the reasons I got married to her but all of a sudden, all the romance fantacies started to fade. She no longer responds to my advances again, even when she does, its always like she was being forced or she just wants me to satisfy my sexual desires and that's all she always comes up with different excuses like "I'n tired, I'm down emotionally, there's work tomorrow, must it be everytime?" and all sorts.

This bothers me soo much as I am the type that likes to always feel her presence whenever she's with me, even as a newly married couple, I still believe there are more things for us to explore in ourselves. We've not even had intimacy in all the rooms and toilets in my house, not to talk of the kitchen, parlour, dining and store.

I was frustrated, so I asked her what was wrong. She said she's always tired really, as I always leave so many things to be done for her alone and that her mind is always being occupied with so many things about us(the family) which I am supposed to be the one to do the thinking.

Nairalanders, I will tell you people the truth because the Yoruba's will always say "the dead does not hide form the person who will bury him".
I am guilty, to a little extent, of her accusations, but it is not all the time she gets to do everything at home, I'm always there most of the time to assist at least 40% of the time, and the thinking, I always leave most of it to her as I am ok with anything she decides.

Please my people, advise me as I am being intimacy starved, meanwhile, I have ladies that are ready to give it to me, real good, knowing that I am married already(trust Lagos babes)! but I'm still holding on to my marriage vows, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . But for how long?[/quote]For some strange reasons, I do admire your sincerity 

From your write-up its just six weeks after your wife had a baby. Most women hate intimacy after giving birth (including Myself)
Some reasons could be fatigue; Time taken to care for the baby, she might be scared to have s-e-x in order not to get pregnant  too quickly, Low self-Esteem (most women don’t like their body after childbirth), hormone changes. Remember there’s a little one ‘who naturally gets all the love & attention’

Talk to your wife about it, intimacy should be mutually pleasurable not just ‘enduring it’.

It’s important you understand her and treat her with love, she will eventually get over it over time!.
My intimacy life was almost non-existence after I had my first baby but with my partner's love
and understanding I got over it like 6 months after childbirth!! (did I hear you scream?). It differs in some women. Stay very close to her.

God Bless you

@Preggie,spot on.
Enough said already.

She just had a baby. I will suggest you get some vaseline and get reacquainted with your ***** if the itch is too strong. Don't step out on your wife. You have a good marriage and if you screw up now because she is not quite ready for you yet you might never get back what you had. Be patient.

outstrip u are crazy.

Do something outstanding.

Six weeks is kind of too early to ask her for sex, and this is her first baby, may she had a tire during delivery if it was normal delivery, you need to give her soemtime for the wound to heal, let her be used to breast feeding. and this will also help you to be able to stay without sex somehow in future cos is not everytime women need sex.