Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! - Family - Nairaland
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| Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by ruthedawson: 12:12pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
I really heart broken as I type this msg. There's been an issue at home for a while now. I've been married for 2years now without kids. That was the agreement me n hubby had. We agreed to start trying after two years. I brought up the issue recently and he started giving flimsy excuses saying he's not ready to have kids, that he's different from the people who believe the main purpose of marriage is for having kids. Says he married for companionship. Times are hard. Etc. We had this discussion last night when it really tore me up inside. He should have told me this before we got married then I would have decided if I wanted to be with him or not. Now he's depriving me of happiness and joy. I don't know what to do. He's always away from home cause of his kind of job. So sex is like once in a month. I'm a housewife though looking for a job presently to keep me busy. I just want to her kids of my own even if it's just 1. Is that too much to ask? Please need advice from matured persons. I usually be don't air my problems online but I'm being pushed to the wall right now. I just need advice. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Fmartin(m): 12:14pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
huh? |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Nobody: 12:14pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
There is fire on the mountain  1 Like |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by ruthedawson: 12:16pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
ruthedawson: |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by aluko360(m): 12:21pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
It is either your husband has fertility issues or he has another wife with a bunch of kids tucked somewhere. Open your eyes well my friend. 27 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by sisisioge: 12:26pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
Whew! Ruthie! How many times I call you? Now you have spoilt the show by throwing tantrums! Guy go begin carry the thing run for you. Whew! Anyways, gather yourself together. Be cheerful. Don't bring the issue up again. Don't cut out baby pics. Don't watch cartoons and get mushymushy with him. You sef carry face like you don't give a pint about em younguns. Let wind blow ground for about six months to one year...then miss your period. No even tell am say e lost by that time. No even acknowledge am until he does himself. Then follow him begin find the missing period. By the way, sing reach him mama ears during the search period o. Pikin wey know how to forge death, him mama sef go master pretend burial. May God bless your home. No too stress yourself biko. It is well. 20 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by SuperSuave(m): 12:35pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
aluko360:gbam! 3 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by MrPresident1: 12:47pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
ruthedawson: Cool down, Have faith, and trust God completely. See His will for His children: Did He not say to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:22)? Did He not say it is not good to be alone (Genesis 2:18)? Or did He not say that Children are His heritage (Psalm 127:3)? When we REQUEST ANYTHING from God according to HIS WILL for us, WE KNOW that we have RECEIVED OUR PETITION that we desired of Him. Cool down  .1 John 5:14-15 14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: 15 And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him. Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Ab025(m): 12:54pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
I think k ur hubby us being selfish here... For Godsake, having kids is an essential part of marriage, infact, children tends to be the bond later in the marriage! Either he is impotent or he just doesn't want to have kids... (who does that  )..... |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Nobody: 1:46pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
What exactly were you both talking about during courtship apart from your hobbies and favourite food? 2 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by blovesther(f): 2:26pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
| please shine your eyes ooooo Hope hes not sterile and just trying to use all those talks as excuse 1 Like |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by pocohantas(f): 2:49pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
He is always away from the home, sex is once a month, he married you for companionship, he doesn't what kids? Do you know his people? Was your wedding a 'secret' one? I suspect you're a back-up wife or your husband is sterile. 5 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Nobody: 2:56pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
pocohantas:I suspect the husband is just sick of the world and the thought of bringing a child to suffer alongside is unbearable. But trust selfish naija woman to be typically cynical and call him impotent. 2 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by pocohantas(f): 2:59pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
BoboYekini:Yes, the naija woman is selfish and cynical but the man isn't for putting his wife through emotional torture. 9 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Prognose: 3:04pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
ruthedawson: Have another heart-to-heart talk with him, no shouting or demands pls. I am not of the opinion that he is cheating on you or whatever some people are tryingto portray here. I'm sure both of you married cos of the good qualities you found in each other and the only issue now (I hope) is the kids issue. There are men who are genuinely scared of having kids. They fear the responsibility more than anything. This might be his problem. You can ask him. Also if i might ask what does he do and how much does he bring home? It might help shine more light on the issue. 1 Like |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Nobody: 3:15pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
This might actually go beyond having children outside or being sterile. Could be psychological and he doesn't know how to go about it. In-laws are there for a reason if you have any ma'. Confide in the father figure in your husband's life so they could help you talk to him to know what the problem really is. I don't see how a man would get married with the sole purpose of companionship even though that's one. Reminds me of a couple in the movie "35 & ticking". 3 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by TDstarr: 3:19pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
Confide in someone he regards and tell everything but not after taking To him first 1 Like |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Nobody: 3:43pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
cant advice u,cus i'm kind of in d same boat with ur hubby.dont no if i would marry or have kids.i'm stil young sha,wen we reach dia we go no. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by ruthedawson: 7:26pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
Prognose: Thanks. Will talk to him. 1 Like |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Eketem: 8:11pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
Poster don't listen to myopic people declaring your husband impotent. He told you pre wedding that he doesn't want kids. The economy is bad the world is going crazy, his reasons are valid. Ask those who are chanting impotence why they want kids they won't have any tangible reasons apart from quoting scriptures selfish reasons and things society has told them. Try to get a job and combine financial forces with him then bring up the issue again if he refuses then you can decide what you want. Your husband is bold for daring to be different 6 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by firebaby(f): 9:50pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
Oyind17: Run run run.....Something is up some where....Pls try and sit him down ...If he still insists call his mother and tell her.... there is no mother in law who won't want a grandchild....They might have their own character before o  GOD BLESS ALL OUR mil  ....Tcr sis |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Nobody: 10:08pm On Apr 29, 2017 |
Joavid:I wonder. How do you marry someone without knowing that he doesn't want to have children or w/o discussing it? pocohantas:Saying he married her for companionship is very questionable and selfish. Where's the companionship when he's always away? He's also not taking her own needs as a wife into consideration, as he doesn't mind that he's only sleeping with her once a month. No married man would be content with that (unless he has someone else outside the home) and considering the fact that "he's always away from home", most likely he's meeting his own needs elsewhere. Eketem:Please read. ↓ ruthedawson: 1 Like |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by baby124: 12:47am On Apr 30, 2017 |
He's very wrong for scamming you into this marriage. You need to have a serious discussion with him. Please don't try to trap him into having kids. Some people do not want kids, deceiving them into having kids might backfire on you. Talk to him well and get a job too or a business so that the financial stress on him is a lot less. He may be thinking more of financial responsibility right now, and not necessarily never wanting to have kids. Don't assume, have a discussion with him. Tell him you feel you have been deceived and scammed into the marriage because it was clear you wanted kids. Then try to reach a compromise by you getting a job and helping out with the family expenses. He also needs to start trying to stay at home more often or you move to live at his work location with him. Such a long distance for a young marriage is not ideal. The good thing is that you don't have a job right now so you are flexible enough to move to where he works. 2 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by tensazangetsu20(m): 1:42am On Apr 30, 2017 |
aluko360:I don't know why Africans have such mentality. I guess you have never heard of the term "childfree". There are so many men who don't want children and it's normal, the world is already past its carrying capacity. |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by jashar(f): 6:45am On Apr 30, 2017 |
That husband sorry to say is selfish. I mean this is a huge deal, why would you trap someone like that? Lemme be a bad child . Abi you still have sex even if it's once in awhile, pump yaself with fertility drugs before you have sex the next time.If he uses a condom, that's even easy, when you're done, keep it and take it for test the next day. I think this should work. This would tell you if he's sterile or not. But then before you try any of this, talk to YOUR family and his family. 2 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by cococandy(f): 6:49am On Apr 30, 2017 |
Get a job before having a kid. If you have a kid now that he's unwilling to, you will be stuck taking care of the child financially without a source of income. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Juliearth(f): 7:10am On Apr 30, 2017 |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Juliearth(f): 7:11am On Apr 30, 2017 |
Are you sure that your husband is not impotent,occultic or has a family somewhere else? 1 Like |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by onegig(m): 7:49am On Apr 30, 2017 |
Eketem: Don't mind them. Always seeing things as black and white. Yeah, kids are lovely gifts but they are only fun when you have the right mental and financial capacity to train them. Marriage is not a babymaking process . It is all about companionship. Kids are just a spice to it. She has a right to want one immediately but at least we need to be logical. The guy is also not doing enough to allay her fears. You just don't brush off the concerns of your partner with excuses of the country being hard. @op. Not married and really not in the best position to advise but i believe you should communicate with him. He agreed to two years. He might be in debt or something and adding more responsibility would make things worse. That he doesn't even stay close and doesn't have time around the house is a pointer to the fact that things are not actually all that rosy. So talk to him. There's a limit to what people here can advise . 2 Likes |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Lexusgs430: 11:48am On Apr 30, 2017 |
ruthedawson: Breach of contract. He is not fulfilling his end of the bargain....... Either divorce or get him drunk, pull his pants down and slot it in........ |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by migeoart(f): 1:12pm On Apr 30, 2017 |
This is serious ,but madam,you know your husband better than any of us on NL and have you bothered to ask these questions I guess he is working ,but can his salary cater for the family comfortably? Secondly is he physically and mentally ready to take care of babies like waking up at night to rock baby to sleep sometimes when the you the woman might be too tired?also how much do you know about his past life and family??just too many questions to ask b4 we can conclude on anything I wish you good luck anyway |
| Re: Hubbby Says He Doesnt Want Kids! Help!! by Funnyguy83: 3:09pm On Apr 30, 2017 |
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