MADAME KOI KOI (A TRIP DOWN FGC IKIRUN LANE)

"Last boyyyy!"
Senior Seyi yelled from his down bunk situated at the right corner of the hostel.

A call which elicited a mad dash from the junior students in the room.

From the east, they raced.
Leaving their washing and knocking down their buckets in a bid to come first.

From the west, they ran.
Leaving their lockers wide open for they could not afford to let it hinder them from escaping the seniors handpicking.

From the south, they ran.
Leaving their half eaten garri flakes which some of them had soaked down for hours prior to eating.
At least the time spent running to answer the senior's call would grant the garri ample time to rise again and make it more filling to the body.

From the north, they ran.
Leaving their bathing water, sponge and soap behind.
Struggling to keep their towels from falling off from their waists.
Lord knows if the towel fell, they would become the butt of jokes for the whole hostel for the next week.

As usual, I took first position.
Elbowing Austa in the ribs to dislodge him to the position of safety
For the first was always safe while the last undertook the task, which the senior had in mind.

Actually, Damilola Owolabi amd Ijoba were unwell that day and were ineligible for the race.
God knows those two were very insightful.
Brilliant Messi's who could easily spot incoming 'last boys' from Iniesta-like seniors and easily positioned themselves to be first position.

That day was not my day.
For Sixtus was the last person on the queue,

A student who loved to do father Christmas for senior Seyi at most times.
Always preparing Oxford buscuit and milk plus sugar just to buy his trust and show his loyalty.

Always furnishing senior Seyi's pockets with money so that the good senior never lacked and his plate never emptied.

"Sixtus and the rest go and sleep. You kosi, Abi kini oruko re. Come and go and fetch water for me".

"Ohh Ohh" I muttered in protest.
Greatly pissed at the hatred shown to me by this senior.

Wondering what I had done to deserve his negative attention.

Apparently I had forgotten.

That I had unknowingly spoilt his planned enjoyment with a girl the previous session.
As a strong sh*t had forced me to walk into the bush where he and the girl were.
Leaving him fuming at this 'little enemy of progress' who had the balls to wreck his plans.

Apparently I did not know,
That he had marked my face down as a wicked boy.
For I had refused to help him ferry his pot of beans away from the dinning hall one evening.

God knows I was fearful for my life.
As Mr Esan, the teacher on duty. had warned students not to take anything out of the hall.

Who would dare defy Mr Esan?
The oju igo dudu (black shade glasses wearing man) who graduated with a First class from the University of beating.

Who once gave a tough looking senior, two strokes and the senior burst into tears

Who gave Uji Igbakula, three strokes of pankere and the big burly guy almost cried.
______

Grudgingly, I picked up the iron bucket.
Made my way down the steps of Osun house towards the tap.

The hair on my neck rising at every second because it was night and I was the only one.

"God please don't let any bush baby come my way." I prayed.
Looking to the left and right; ready to dash at the sight of a small baby carrying mat on its forehead.

I had no intention of being rich.
So I entertained no thought of staying back to steal the baby's mat.

God knows I had watched enough films to discourage me from blood money.

Watched enough Zach Orgi films to know that the wife used for sacrifice would keep chasing you till eternity.

Watched enough Mr Latin 'Omo ode de' to know that 'egbere' (spirits) could deceive one to acting like a big fool while still rich.

Watched enough Kanayo O Kanayo to know that he who tries blood money would go mad after two years.

Watched enough Fadeyi Oloro films to know that the ritual chickens only ate about 3 pieces of corn which meant three continue at Facebook