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Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks - Business - Nairaland

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Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by tonychristopher: 6:34am On May 20, 2017
U.B.A:
That bank looks like a shrine.. Everywhere is just painted Red! And the bank is very stingy, they will never employ workers. It’s only UBA you will enter & see empty cashier seats… They will be up to like 2 employed but there will be only 1 Cashier who ends up delaying customers.

GTB:
This bank has the highest number of customers! The only bank that looks like aba ariaria market. U queue like mofedaku. The only difference is that you see people with suits and pen, they have their wahala but I like them shaa

Skye Bank:
Hian! This bank will just be looking like somebody’s bathroom. Very small bank, dem go jampack people like sardines! Their workers no dey even wear suit again probably because of heat… Everybody dey enter the bank with hand fan

Diamond Bank:
Only their Lemon Green Colour can make you open 18 accounts with them even if nothing is inside. That is the only thing good about them. They have few branches in cities, their banking hall is like onitsha main market place. But their transfer protocol be like American constitution, simple to transfer with ATM, u go first go sign Non disclosure agreement.

Zenith bank:
This one ehn…? The only thing dem know how to do best is to decorate their walls with mirrors. You will just stay at the front and be seeing someone behind you? Sometimes if you enter the bank, you
will be confused, you won’t even know which road to follow because everybody is appearing two two for the mirror. I wonder if their CEO is a Crystal palace fan. Just carry crystal glass full everywhere!

Sterling Bank
Where do I start from, hmmm this bank looks like eatery, atimes I used to mistake it for where they are selling ice creams, ices and sharwama

Union Bank:
Chai! This bank ehn? I cannot fit yab dem because dem old pass my grandpapa!?
Sometimes, I begin to think maybe the children of Israelites have accounts with Union bank… Their security men sef na old old old papas dem be….
You go enter bank to pay na people with walking stick u go dey see ..

FCMB
They are just beautiful women with good attitudes only that all your incomes will just be going for aso ebi and ice crea

FIDELITY
That one na bank for retired teacher, the only issue in customer care na about pension, u reach cashier point, one old papa will be withdrawing #45,675, #5 naira will always appear. I wonder if no be that bank dey hold all #5 CBN prints. Infact, they are the only bank whose ATM has pension button.

FIRST BANK.
Ah ah ah, this bank can annoy somebody, their first wahala na their door, they will just be screening u like say na jamb office. If you enter nko, queue be like Aba road hold up for port Harcourt, Infact the most annoying tin is some of their workers behaviour, somebody will just be counting #7,000 with machine and #200,000 with ordinary hand. They can screen #1000 like keke people but the good thing about them is their ATM galleries. For that one them try.

Wema Bank
that one na fishermen and panel beaters dey go there recently.

UNITY BANK:
Make them just return their name back to BANK OF THE NORTH. Because how person go wan enter bank e go come be like say u dey enter Zaria city gate. , everywhere they smell Turare (perfume) even the cashiers speak Hausa with u because u wear Agbada.

Keystone Bank.
This bank looks like they are always on strike. The banking hall looks like they only attend to one customer at a time.

Heritage Bank:
that one looks like PDP Secretariat after 2015 election. Even their flag is worn out

Ecobank.
That one looks like NaijaBet office. Its always jam packed on Fridays only. With lots of branches and many people that speaks amny African languages especially in Lagos branch
Sometime I suspect that bank has something to do with Chelsea FC

Access bank:
Na shakara dey worry them. Their account opening process be like application for Canadian visa.

Stanbic IBTC.
The bank suppose to relocate back to south Africa. Everybody dey speak through their nose seff.

Verdict :
The Nigerian banks have demonstrated that they are resistant and Resilient in a depressed economy. They have shown that back king can be done in an economy driven by generator and inconsistency in financial policies. That must be appreciated and applauded with vigorous expansion to other West African countries. These banks stand to be celebrated

http://etimes.com.ng/funny-anology-of-nigerian-banks-and-their-behaviour/

93 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by xtanlee(m): 6:41am On May 20, 2017
lol... I concur ....buy wait o... ftc dey sweet sha....

1 Like

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by oganass(m): 6:41am On May 20, 2017
chaii!! glo don deny me ftc ooo embarassed

23 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Vtrendx: 6:42am On May 20, 2017
Funny
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by newmedia01(m): 6:43am On May 20, 2017
omo na so ftc

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by sylviaeo(f): 6:44am On May 20, 2017
Ok
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Donprayer(m): 6:44am On May 20, 2017
Yesterday 135 was deducted from my UBA account for ATM maintenance card. Nigeria Banks nor dey pity people for diz recession

3 Likes

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by eleojo23: 6:44am On May 20, 2017
Firstbank will always have network issues!

4 Likes

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Stanleyafam(m): 6:45am On May 20, 2017
1 plot bought

OK I like gtb cost it's my bank.. Just that before I started using internet banking they quizzed me much for transferring money that just got into my account...

Meanwhile contact me for sales and buying of bitcoin

1 Like

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Nobody: 6:45am On May 20, 2017
Laff ayaf kill me o grin the zenith bank got me laughing hard...
But Gtb have Wahala too much, once there's a mix up in any of your transactions you've entered one chance be that, you might not get your money back for months.

Anyways good Job op
Still laughing

7 Likes

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by kabayomi(m): 6:45am On May 20, 2017
I just love UBA right from uni days, their atm been get #100 notes then wey dey always save boiz for harsh conditions. Other banks minimum of #500

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by koolguy88(m): 6:45am On May 20, 2017
Nice one, Op
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Flexherbal(m): 6:46am On May 20, 2017
We are starting the day with fun!
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Ayomibare: 6:46am On May 20, 2017
Lol.. Gtb anyday anytime
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by 4oyrsExperience(m): 6:46am On May 20, 2017
Lapo Microfinance bank nko!

Na my bank b that

Visit any lapo branch today and u will b glad u did

Gbabeeeeeeeee

5 Likes

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by SexyNairalander: 6:46am On May 20, 2017
booked
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by davibid: 6:46am On May 20, 2017
when you go to the ATM after being in queue for like 1hr and when it's finally got to your turn and you see this


"unable to dispense cash"


angry

10 Likes

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Nobody: 6:47am On May 20, 2017
lol,so true...that UBA worsk
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Nobody: 6:47am On May 20, 2017
Gtbank Nah main market Onitsha... Uba aka gum.. Union bank pension group... Skye bank. Ntn too say

3 Likes

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by augustov1(m): 6:47am On May 20, 2017
Naija Banks are slave houses nufin great abt dem

2 Likes

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by DjAndroid: 6:47am On May 20, 2017
Ndeewo!
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Benuromi: 6:47am On May 20, 2017
You wan take laugh kill me this morning ooo. I beg e too early oo. But you try sha. Thank you for this morning laugh.
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by jhydebaba(m): 6:47am On May 20, 2017
Buy Naija, use Naija. Let's appreciate our own.
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Nobody: 6:48am On May 20, 2017
4oyrsExperience:
Lapo Microfinance bank nko!
Na my bank b that
Visit any lapo branch today and u will b glad u did
Gbabeeeeeeeee

That one na bank?

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Lukenitheooo6(m): 6:48am On May 20, 2017
hilarious indeed
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by chinybelle(f): 6:48am On May 20, 2017
grin GT

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Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by rozayx5(m): 6:48am On May 20, 2017
cheesy cheesy grin
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by ciscoxx(m): 6:49am On May 20, 2017
OK.. I hear u... Hope u get bank account... Which one b ur bank.
Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Kassidy4luv(m): 6:49am On May 20, 2017
GT Bank and crowd............ Come and see fight and quarrel.

First Bank and screening protocols too.

2 Likes

Re: Funny Analogy of Nigerian banks by Nobody: 6:49am On May 20, 2017
How about their papa CBN? grin

3 Likes

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