http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com/articles/1359/1/Nigerian-MenThe-Good-The-Bad-The-Ugly/Page1.html


Nigerian Men…The Good, The Bad, The Ugly!


Bolanle Aduwo

Bolanle Aduwo is a screenwriter, broadcaster and producer. She has written screenplays for several soaps and home videos in the Nigerian movie scene and is currently producing her own movie.
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Fine Naija men,

Bold, brash, infuriating, funny, crafty, big-hearted, double-dealing, sexy, crazy, loving…take your pick! All these adjectives (and more) describe the quintessential Nigerian man. A lot has been said about him…some good, some not so good. There's the belief that Nigerian mothers raise their daughters and spoil their sons…too true. From the time he comes screaming from her into the world and all rejoice that "it's a boy! " he is doted and waited on hand and foot by the female folk in the family…whether mothers, sisters, aunties and their girlfriends/wives are expected to pick up from there. How many a little girl have had to wash dishes and when asked if Junior can join her, have been told "No! Because he is a boy!" How many a heart has been broken by those brown, twinkly eyes and wicked, dimpled grin? The countless "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again" to the "It wasn't my fault, she tricked me…into getting her pregnant!" Nigerian men are as different as they come but there are some characteristics that stand out, are constant and trail him wherever he goes.

HE IS HARDWORKING…Compared to his counterparts in Diaspora, the Nigerian man is a natural hustler. Whether its at his fancy bank job in V.I. or watch-peddling in the Traffic, he works hard for his money. Not for him the queuing at the Giro office or sitting on the sidewalk, swigging from a bottle of booze, hollering at sistas. Even if he does that you can be sure he has finished work and is just kidding around, which brings me to the next characteristic…

HE PLAYS HARD….what's all that hard work for if you don't get to spend the proceeds? He LURVES to groove…whether its at the Club or the open air pepper soup joint at Obalende! He loves to enjoy himself …and invite others to enjoy it with him. There's always some house-warming, Child Dedication, Birthday or new item to "wash" which leads me to the fact that…

HE LOVES THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE…just drive through Lagos or any of the other major cities in Nigeria and check out the flashy cars, fancy homes and hot night spots. The Nigerian man (along with his woman) likes to enjoy the good things of life. He's got to have the flashiest car, the finest girl, the biggest house. If he's got the dough, he flaunts it (and wants you to know he is flaunting it too!) and God help those of other Nationalities when he is on the roll! On the downside, this has led many into a life of crime.

Another characteristic of the Nigerian man is that HIS LOVE FOR WOMEN! That the Nigerian man loves women can not be disputed. No race, colour or hue is off limits. Not too many years ago, the winner of Miss Norway Beauty Contest was a half-caste with the distinctiv
ely Nigerian name of my forebears. When asked about her origins, she said her mother was Norwegian but unfortunately she had never met her father before. Talk about sowing your wild oats! I've seen children that are half-Filipino and half-Nigerian! Half-Malaysian and even half-Indian! How he managed to convince the latter I will never know because Indians hardly ever marry outside their race! But trust my Bros! No woman is too hard to toast! Once he makes up his mind, he goes after her with a single-mindedness of a soldier on a special mission. Who can resist his charms?Which brings me to the next characteristic…

HIS "SWEET MOUTH"! How many times have you my sisters, sworn that you were going to "brain" that boyfriend of yours when you catch him in yet another escapade, only for him to turn up with an innocent-looking face, weaving his fabricated story of how he tripped and fell on his Aunt who happened to be wearing red lipstick, so that's how the mark got on his shirt! You know he's lying and sweet-talking you but you allow yourself (after initially raking) to soften and smile at his smooth flattery and corny jokes.E.g. "Mamarazzy-mamazita!The only woman wey fit turn Urhobo man to flying boat!No one but you!Every other woman is a counterfeit!" and you accept him, after all, you are too young to die of hypertension!This leads to yet another characteristic…

HE IS FINE

There is no denying it…Nigerian men are fine. Compare him to men from other nationalities. Is it the "yellow" ones from the East or the Caramel ones from the West? Or the dark chocolate from the North? Sure, there are some that are more "fearfully than wonderfully made" but generally our boys are fine!

And last but not the least…

He LOVES GOOD FOOD

That his woman should know how to cook should not even be up for negotiation. Recently, I was at a get together in Abuja for a group of African–Americans that had completed a project and were on their way back to the U.S. They were going on about how warm and hospitable the people were and the women among them (like true Americans!) said they wouldn't mind getting married to Nigerians and would like to be hooked up! Well, a crazy colleague of mine decide to take on the role of match-maker and started asking for their likes, preferences etc. As they were giving it one by one amidst much laughter, one of them dropped the bombshell that she couldn't cook.You could have heard a pin drop! The whole room went quiet. That, I can tell you, put paid to her "Nigerian-husband" ambition.

Overall, the Nigerian man may have his flaws (who doesn't?) but love him or hate him, he is who he is…and if the truth be told many of us Nigerian women wouldn't have him any other way…save for a little tweaking here and there!

Comments from other viewers


33 Responses to "Nigerian Men…The Good, The Bad, The Ugly!"
an unknown user at 01 Dec 2006 11:30:04 AM UTC
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said this on 01 Dec 2006 11:30:04 AM UTC
Bolanle, May God continue to bless you for the great writeup about the NIGERIAN MAN!
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Chi at 01 Dec 2006 11:48:55 AM UTC
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said this on 01 Dec 2006 11:48:55 AM UTC
Bolanle, your article is right on the money! It is interesting that the same things that make our men attractive to our women also make our women attractive to the men. Our women have that distinct quality that is rare to come by in other nationalities except for those in close geographic or social proximity with Nigeria or Nigerians. A little bit of honesty and an understanding that his way is not the only way would make him more attractive to others. I am in no way suggesting that he looses his identity in order conform - no because the Nigerian is beautiful - man or woman.
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Rosie at 01 Dec 2006 3:41:41 PM UTC
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said this on 01 Dec 2006 3:41:41 PM UTC
Yowza!
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Benny 3000 at 01 Dec 2006 3:49:13 PM UTC
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said this on 01 Dec 2006 3:49:13 PM UTC
Great writing. I see more than a little bit of myself in this picture. And no matter how hard we pretend, Nigerian women are the best. As a bachelor here in the States, there have been opportunities to mingle with women from other climes, whites, other Africans, akata, etc. But when seriousness beckoned, one still had to rush back to Naija to pick a wife from home. No matter what they say, man or woman, Naija is great.
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Yomi Dawotola at 02 Dec 2006 3:56:33 AM UTC
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said this on 02 Dec 2006 3:56:33 AM UTC
Your style flatters the nigerian man. Very sweet though. Witty. A compelling read for the nigerian man. I enjoyed it.
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Lagbaja at 02 Dec 2006 11:40:41 AM UTC
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said this on 02 Dec 2006 11:40:41 AM UTC
Flattering is a sin
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Ula-Lisa, E.T. at 03 Dec 2006 9:05:22 PM UTC
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said this on 03 Dec 2006 9:05:22 PM UTC
Great flattery: If you are not married, one bobo go soon land! Because yo got the right perspective on Naija-bobos, in case you need collaboration for ya movie for Yankee, contact me if the movie is wholesome. More Blessing!!!
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adamawa at 08 Dec 2006 7:42:29 PM UTC
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said this on 08 Dec 2006 7:42:29 PM UTC
nice write-up! some of it true, some of it an exxageration, (i.e., Naija guys are fine?? Sorrym but only a few are, )
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Mesha at 02 Apr 2007 6:56:13 PM UTC
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said this on 02 Apr 2007 6:56:13 PM UTC
This is so funny, because it is SO true. My bf is Nigerian and I am A.A. Our relationship is hard because we view things totally differently. But he is so, everything I would ever want in a man. I love him so!
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Sheila at 11 May 2007 12:51:51 AM UTC
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said this on 11 May 2007 12:51:51 AM UTC
I really had to agree with your article as much as I tried not to. I am an american women who has dated only african men for 7 years and all I can say is oh god have mercy on me. They do have there somewhat dominating ways, but I can handle that as long as there is respect, and there always is. Many of my girlfriends and family members keep asking me why is that all I date, my answer is simple as the author said so wonderfully, they are truly fine. Moreover the have the qualities like my father who I admire they are very hard working, great providers, love to be flashy which I also love, their is nothing wrong with a brother wanting good things and if you are his lady you will also. I love the way african men love their children it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but I can see the boys are more spoiled, that is the truth. Now as far as food, yes they love to eat, I had to download african recipes from the Internet it was a must that I learned to cook the that jalof rice which is so good and many other things. I found it very hard to get them to eat a lot of american food unless it was Italian such as spaghetti or chinese food, but that very rare. I know many africans think that we american women do not belong with their men but be real I know a good thing when I see it. I will never marry an american man unless he is like my dad and that is rare. My mom knew what she was doing they are a upper class family,living a good life in a beautiful home and because my father was a smart worker and investor, neither one of them have to work at all now and they still live the life. If I was african which many people tell me I am like a igbo women because of my looks and style of dress I would surely have married to one by now, but as an american its a little harder. Although I have been asked twice, once for papers which I declined and the second time was a yoruba man, and he was just a little to dominating for my taste and his class was not that high, no thanks. I hate to be biased, but igbo men are truly the sexiest of all the african men I know, what do they but in the water there. As for the author You go girl!
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Denise at 27 May 2007 7:46:04 PM UTC
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said this on 27 May 2007 7:46:04 PM UTC
Your article was very informitive and I really enjoyed it. I agree with what you are saying. I'm in the early stages of a relationship with an Igbo man and I love him already. He is strong yet gentle with never ending respect for me. The great thing is he has taken an real interest in my son and in helping him become a worthy man. I am one happy African American woman who can't wait to see what the future holds for us.
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Yolanda Thompson at 29 Jun 2007 5:34:22 PM UTC
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said this on 29 Jun 2007 5:34:22 PM UTC
I have never dated a Nigerian man although quite a few have flirted with me. Because I always heard negative cmments about them. But, if I am blessed again to meet another Nigerian man maybe I will give it a shot. Thank you for giving me the courage to try next time. I am moving to Sacramento, California in August of this year to attend Law School. Maybe my chance will appear out there if there are any Christian belief handsome Nigerian men in that area. THabnk You!
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Long thing, who's gonna read all that? But what's with all this "yellow ones from the East" talk?. Sheesh.

FL Gators:

Ahhhh, I yawnned so hard I almost sh!!tted on your thread.

Much loff

As if i cared  

Neesa at 12 Nov 2008 6:38:24 AM UTC
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said this on 12 Nov 2008 6:38:24 AM UTC
hey, never dated any? u should try! yeah, so do i, i always heard negative about them. i keep searching on net about nigerian guys. i found 90% negative thinking about them. u shud think, like american, some of them are good and some are not, right? they are human being as well. just keep thinking positively, ok?
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Marian at 17 Jul 2007 1:04:58 PM UTC
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said this on 17 Jul 2007 1:04:58 PM UTC
I love my Nigerian man! Have never been made to feel so loved in a way that is meaningful to me. This article confirms what I have seen in him, except we both believe in absolute faithfulness to each other.
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chiogo:

Long thing, who's gonna read all that? But what's with all this "yellow ones from the East" talk?. Sheesh.

Lol, read, don't be lazy.

Lol, there's this fuss that fair Nigerians are mostly from the eastern part.

Sharon at 25 Jul 2007 7:00:02 PM UTC
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said this on 25 Jul 2007 7:00:02 PM UTC
I am African American. I agree with it all. It's always a love/hate type thing going on, yet they have this charisma, this sex appeal about them. The plus thing about a NIGERIAN man is, even if he broke, he walks tall and proud. Just from looking at him, you would think he owned the world. That to me is what makes it hard to shake Nigerian men. (smile)
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Latasha at 29 May 2008 6:39:09 PM UTC
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said this on 29 May 2008 6:39:09 PM UTC
I am an African American woman and has never dated a Nigerian Man until recently. I'm in total agreement with your article. His kindness and strength has forced an uncontrollable urge to think about him constantly. It's unfortunate that I had premature sex and now find myself in a battle to redeem myself, however he shows much concern and respect in the mist of it all. For now I would not prefer to date another African American man.
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Halona at 07 Mar 2009 4:23:19 AM UTC
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said this on 07 Mar 2009 4:23:19 AM UTC
Hey latasha I am in the same boat!
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twigs at 23 Jun 2008 5:16:50 PM UTC
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said this on 23 Jun 2008 5:16:50 PM UTC
You forgot to add that Nigerian men are the only ones bold enough to flicker out their hoses and urinate anywhere outside other than the bathroom. I used to blame the fact that we had no public bathrooms until I visited other African countries without these facillities--they are all decent enough to hold it. I came across a taxi driver wetting my doorstep area and sure enough--it was my Naija bros.
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TTom at 09 Feb 2009 5:42:03 AM UTC
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said this on 09 Feb 2009 5:42:03 AM UTC
looool at pissing in public, Yes, that's naija for you.
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unknown at 10 Jul 2008 12:32:07 PM UTC
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said this on 10 Jul 2008 12:32:07 PM UTC
very, very,good write up.
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bri at 28 Aug 2008 6:15:51 PM UTC
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said this on 28 Aug 2008 6:15:51 PM UTC
I am speechless becuse every damn paragraph is my yoruba fiance, i ws so iffy before i excepted the proposl, but without doubt he has done and put up with too much not to love me,
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Demitrice at 08 Nov 2008 10:46:15 PM UTC
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said this on 08 Nov 2008 10:46:15 PM UTC
I would love to get to know a Nigerian male. I'm looking for those characteristics you wrote about the Nigerian man. Very interesting write up.
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Neesa at 12 Nov 2008 6:32:07 AM UTC
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said this on 12 Nov 2008 6:32:07 AM UTC
hey, nice article. my boyfriend is a nigerian boy. (igbo). he is so fine!! like u said, hehe, ive been with 7 nigerians so far. well, not bad. i am Asian. i am so lucky to have him in my life. he is my Mr Perfect! so, no doubt! we are human being. people do mistakes. not all are good and not all are bad. i know its hard to make sure about people characteristic! like my own race, there's no perfect people in this life. some are bad and some are good. anyway, thanks for the article. i learn something from it =]
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BBullock at 25 Nov 2008 5:13:16 PM UTC
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said this on 25 Nov 2008 5:13:16 PM UTC
hmmmm, your article has me thinking, and yet I've read some other articles that are very scary which leads me to wonder if I can trust my yoruba man that I am dating. I am confused I must say, and I know enough to know that if I am confused, I need to be still.
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David at 15 Feb 2009 3:36:46 AM UTC
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said this on 15 Feb 2009 3:36:46 AM UTC
Hi Bolanle, let me spark a topic for discussion from your article, and your notion will be appreciated! African men vs African American men , or better still Nigerian men vs African American men! What do you think? I guess you`re in US.I m too! Let hear your unbiased write up about this!
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Bola at 08 Mar 2009 1:56:09 AM UTC
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said this on 08 Mar 2009 1:56:09 AM UTC
@David youre not going to get me to go down that road with you! Apart from that I live in Nigeria so I might not be able to give an accurate comparison. And I dont think images portayed on Tv or films is a true depiction of an African American man
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msiangirl at 13 Mar 2009 6:10:15 AM UTC
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said this on 13 Mar 2009 6:10:15 AM UTC
I am a Malaysian Chinese. I used to think that my Yoruba fiancee was fighting when he was speaking amongst his brothers but I discovered that the tone comes with the gentlest heart . Takes getting used to but I thank God that we have been brought together.
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Destiny at 29 May 2009 11:59:53 PM UTC
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said this on 29 May 2009 11:59:53 PM UTC
I think you're unavoidably biased ;-)
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Sunshine at 31 Oct 2009 9:34:16 AM UTC
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said this on 31 Oct 2009 9:34:16 AM UTC
OMG I love this article. I must email you.
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EMO at 07 Nov 2009 1:40:41 AM UTC
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said this on 07 Nov 2009 1:40:41 AM UTC
Very informative article. I have never dated a Nigerian man, but one has "set his sights" on me and I am considering giving him a chance. Thanks for the information
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pan at 08 Nov 2009 6:06:22 PM UTC
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said this on 08 Nov 2009 6:06:22 PM UTC
My husband is Igbo. I'm European. Generally, he's ok, but one thing about him is that he can lie without blinking an eye. I mean not a big lie, like cheating but little things that irritate the hell out of me. When i ask him sth, he gives me very general answer n he thinks i should be fully satisfied, or he pretends he doesn't understand my question. I'm different culture, n i'm not used to it, maybe that's the reason.
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sabine at 24 Nov 2009 11:25:01 PM UTC
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said this on 24 Nov 2009 11:25:01 PM UTC
Hi my Dears, i am also now in relation with nigerian Man, sometimes i must wondering so different but also so loveley i swear. I must agree with pan same here i am german woman. But i swear by god all things i read is true. I really love him so much he is trustful, charming and full of love what i want to need more. First Man i felt is truley to me sometimes i am honest he is cheating me but ok, next time he told me so that is what i love and really like. He is my true love and i hope that is forever. hugs around
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Otse at 31 Dec 2009 9:35:52 AM UTC
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said this on 31 Dec 2009 9:35:52 AM UTC
I can't help but feel happy with myself. This write up is so true that i hav to print it and give it to my girlfriend to read. Trust it will strengthen our relationship more and cause less friction. Thanks girl,
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