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The fight to hold on.

by Judy Rousseau

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After 22 years of marriage, my husband turned to me one day and said, "Judy, I need to tell you something. I just don't love you anymore."

After 22 years of marriage, my husband turned to me one day and said, "Judy, I need to tell you something. I just don't love you anymore."

Admittedly, our relationship wasn't perfect, but I didn't think our marriage was in any danger. So I basically ignored what my husband, Paul, said hoping his feelings of dissatisfaction would just go away. In the months that followed, however, our relationship deteriorated so much that our home became a war zone, and the stress level accelerated to the point that I asked my husband to move out.

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The Headstrong battle.

We were both hurting and yet stubbornly clung to our beliefs that we were right and the other was wrong. At the time, it seemed more important to be justified in our anger than it did to try and work things out. Surely I didn't deserve to be treated so poorly after all I've done for Paul, I thought. I hope you can detect the self-righteous attitude because believe me … I certainly had one.

Paul and I were now living about 40 minutes away from each other. Neither of us had anything good to say so we simply said nothing. My husband wasn't getting positive attention from me and became vulnerable to the affections of a very attractive, divorced co-worker. When I learned about the affair, I decided that it was time to draw up divorce papers. I thought a divorce was the answer, or at least what was expected of me under the circumstances.

The weeks went on and my lawyer seemed to be dragging her feet. Eventually, she told me, "Judy, I have to be honest with you. I walk with God, and because I do I cannot proceed with your case. I will not be a part of burying something that isn't dead. I believe if you will be patient, your marriage can be saved."

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Never have I felt such despair.

What would I do now? I have to admit, the time that I was pursuing a divorce were some of the blackest, most hopeless days I've ever lived. I had no peace.

I sought help from a beloved Christian friend, Jeanne, who asked me, "Judy, if God Himself were standing right in front of you and asked you what you would like Him to do for you … what would you tell Him?" The words came easily as my eyes filled with tears. I said, "I would ask Him to bring my husband back to Himself and back to our family. I would ask Him to heal us and use our family as an example that nothing is impossible with Him." Jeanne said, "Well then, we know how to pray, don't we?"

Suddenly, everything seemed so simple. Within a few days I sensed God telling me, "If you are willing to walk with me through this time, I will bring you great victory … but it will be very difficult."

Even though it was going to be hard, I desired the great victory the Lord promised. God's Word says that He hates divorce, and so I would choose to hate it too.

At first, I expected that my husband would return home any day. I was convinced that God was going to strike Paul with a lightning bolt and correct everything that was wrong in his life. Boy, was I wrong. God began to change me. He taught me so much as I waited on Him, allowing me to see that the love that I had for my husband was not really love at all.

He showed me that He loved me unconditionally, in spite of my imperfections. Could I offer my husband any less? God's truth and mercy exposed my selfishness, and I sought His forgiveness.

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Learning to wait on God

When I called my husband to tell him the "great news" that I wanted to get back together, he was not impressed. Paul told me that nothing had changed; he still was not in love with me but rather caught up in an exciting new romance with the woman of his dreams.

At first I was crushed by Paul's rejection, but I chose to continue waiting on the Lord to bring me the great victory He had promised. Now I was able to identify with the suffering and rejection Jesus experienced and how He chose to love anyway. He did not throw stones at the adulterous woman (in John 4) but rather offered her mercy and forgiveness. As His follower, I would have to treat my husband the same way.

People thought I was crazy. Why in the world would I hold on to someone who obviously did not want to be with me? They insisted that certainly God does not expect me to suffer in this way. Even Christians and a pastor counseled me to get a divorce … they seemed to think that God had someone better for me and that my husband would never change.

Yet over and over again, God gave me the grace to put more faith in His Word than the words of other people. One memorable experience occurred one day when I was shopping at Wal-Mart.

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The Wal-Mart story

One day, my two youngest boys and I were headed to Wal-Mart. For some strange reason that I didn't know at the time, I chose to go through the center of our city rather than take the bypass. I came upon a traffic rotary which was completely bottlenecked … no one was moving.

I casually looked to my left and saw a motorcycle headed in the opposite direction only a couple of feet away from my car. To my surprise, it was my husband with his girlfriend's arms tightly wrapped about him. I was stunned. Out of impulse, I tooted the horn and waved. He dropped his sunglasses and sheepishly waved to me and within seconds the traffic moved him along the highway and he was gone.

I took a deep breath and told my boys that they needed to help me pray.


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