My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? - Family - Nairaland
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| My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by DANG2: 9:19am On Jun 07, 2017 |
My Fiance’s Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First…But Why Should I? Yesterday evening, a friend of my fiance whom I shall refer to as O, told me he would like to speak with me on a certain issue. I was deeply curious. Although we are both on good terms, our conversations revolve round how to download free movies or which network currently has the cheapest data plan. So of course, permit my curiousity. O began a long sermon on how he had the best interests of my fiancé and I at heart and wanted desperately for us to succeed in our chosen endeavor. I thanked him. He continued saying that so far we have made him and his ancestors proud by how well we have both been conducting ourselves with maturity and purpose. I thanked him once again. Then he got to the crux of the matter. He said that he heard that I had an altercation with my fiancé’s younger brother over who should greet whom first. He looked like he had more to say on his mind, but at this point in the conversation he felt he should proceed only with a denial from me.. I smiled. What had happened was simple. I was older than this brother by several significant years. I’d noticed after several occasions that the fellow never greeted me. He would walk right into a room where I was seated and plant himself comfortably in a chair without so much as a “Hi.” After greeting him once or twice, I made excuses for him. ‘I have a small stature, he probably thinks he is older.’ ‘ He wasn’t in a good mood.’ ‘ He was hungry.’ Etc…The situation however persisted so I decided to woman up and handle it. I called bobo’s attention to it and he called him out immediately. Now this brother’s defense stupefied me. He said that “1, I was a woman and as such should greet him first out of respect. 2, I should have come to tell him myself instead of reporting to my bae.” At this statement, I realized his IQ was below par, so I decided never to bother my pretty head over that again. At this point in my narration, I expected to hear a firm approval of my behaviour from O who had been listening carefully. I was to be disappointed. O clapped back stating that in his culture [Yoruba] the iyawo was expected to treat everyone from domestic fowl to ancient deity with deep respect, curtseying and genuflecting even in her sleep and woe onto her if the husband’s family greets her first. What a wawu! This would be the first I would hear of such a ridiculous culture. So, there is a problem if both men and women need respect? It has become a very popular saying by family coaches, marriage counsellors and religious leaders. Every marriage seminar, handbook, relationship video or whatnot lists the number one rule as Respect your man. That’s all fine and good, I have no problems with that. However, I have come to discover that the basis for a large hunk of our ‘must-do’ rules in the area of relationships have hidden roots in our culture. That’s right. No matter how enlightened we claim to have gotten, we seem unable to escape that chain round our neck, that brass clanging band round our waist that we have termed ‘culture’. Culture in its essence is not entirely bad, but neither is it entirely good. History has shown us that culture + relationships are a toxic cocktail for womenfolk as a large number of cultural do’s and don’ts have been oppressive to us. For instance, the cultural do of ‘Do everything to make your marriage work as a woman’ not only excuses the onus from the man but effectively ties the woman down in abusive situations. Now, culture is defined as a ‘way of life of a people at a given point and time.’ What this simply means is that culture is progressive and can actually change totally depending on the age we live in. So, back to the question above, Is the number one need of a man respect? I proffer that the number one need of ANY MAN- male or female, child or adult is respect. I’m sorry I do not think that respect should be the prerogative of the male gender only. A lot of the current brutality and terrorism in relationships we see today has its root in a lack of respect for humanity. Rape, domestic violence, abuse and a host of other vices has at its roots a deep void of respect. Everyone deserves to be respected. We should promote that the first and basic need of any human being is simply that the dignity of his person be respected. Simple. NB: After being called out, Bobo’s brother has received sense and has started greeting me. Now, what would have happened if I had chosen the non-confrontational route instead? I would have had to endure a lifetime of disrespect even or especially in my marital home. O’s status as official downloader of free movies has been reinforced. He tried and failed to escape the zone. I simply cannot take marital or relationship advice from the buffoon. Written by whitemosquito for Diary of a Naija girl. Read other interesting posts on www.diaryofanaijagirl.com 4 Likes |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by jhudit(f): 9:22am On Jun 07, 2017 |
People bother themselves over petty issue. Ordinary "Hi, welcome, good evening", that's what is difficult for the young man? Lol @ stupefied culture. It's usually the norm o, I have heard such before. As a woman, you're expected to greet even a newborn baby, as the incoming wife. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Papiikush: 9:32am On Jun 07, 2017 |
Your fiance and his family are backward. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Nobody: 1:55pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
What's the big deal to greet first ?  Op,u really have time sha. Where I stay and where I work , some of the people there have issues with who greets first. Me I don't have time jare . I quickly greet hi good morning , as am walking away .Even if the person is way younger and even not my class . I still greet to avoid frictions and bad belle . Cos tmrw ,I may need them for something important . Even my landlord as he is ? Greets first and bounces off to his car....no time mehn. He hates waiting for who wil greet first when he has other important things to attend to. So op,try and chill that mentality of yours .Greeting anyone first will not kill u. Neither will u become poor afterwards . 10 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Zither(m): 6:19pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
alexialin: Wise words 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Nobody: 6:28pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by tee59(f): 6:39pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
Neva 4get dat u ar marryn in2 ds family and u av ur broda in law to contend wt. All u av to do is to win him ova to u, cus if u can achieve ds, dealing wt odas wil nt b difficult. 4get abt age now. Greetn a dwarf by kneeln does not mak u a dwarf. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Berbierklaus(f): 6:48pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
When you marry into an archaic family,this and many more crude culture is what will be expected of you. Some will even say the wife have to wash the cloths and plates of her husbands siblings  Personally though,I greet both old and young,unless I notice any form of disrespect. 3 Likes |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Zither(m): 6:54pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
1 Like |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Zither(m): 7:01pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
Berbierklaus: Such a family as the bolded is completely cut off from civilization. I don't think such a family exists in this 21st century. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by mikedimeji(m): 7:04pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
alexialin:U dey my mind. My brother will say who does greeting help, does it put food on ur table, does it put money in ur pocket or does it even increase ur net worth. U have spoken well jare. Those are irrelevances. 4 Likes |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Nobody: 7:15pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
Okay, you have seen how their family behaves, so do you still want to marry? If your answer is yes, then good luck, try to cope with it as much as you can 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by oilcity(m): 8:17pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
d greatest warriors r those who win battle without fighting. Dnt start a war with ur potential in-laws dat u may wage all ur life as their in-law. Why is greeting a big tin? u may av won d battle but nt d war. humans can keep tins at heart for years, so b wise ND down play who greets who? 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by eyinjuege: 9:40pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
Berbierklaus: I don't see anything wrong in anyone washing communal plates to be honest. The husband, wife, in- law can wash it as the spirit leads No need to waste soap please  Its just gonna take 5 mins, especially if you all eat same time. But if different times, no need to litter the sink pls, wash plates yourself. |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Berbierklaus(f): 9:50pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
eyinjuege:That is understandable, for someone like me,I like my kitchen neat,so I would do that normally,unless the in-law ask to help out. But they should not take that for granted by not respecting themselves,some in-laws are like that. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Berbierklaus(f): 9:52pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
Zither:If you don't believe come to the west |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Kondomatic(m): 10:20pm On Jun 07, 2017 |
Dunno why Nigerians attach so much importance to greeting and who greets first. I greet people that I am way other older than and I notice from their reactions sometimes that didn't expect me to greet them first and yet they will pass like they didn't see me if I don't greet them. How many seconds does it take? |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Nobody: 6:15am On Jun 08, 2017 |
alexialin: That your landlord is so like me. I greet everyone first even little children, even though I realise many things have changed. Children nowadays don't greet. I wasn't brought up like that. However, because I greet and move on fast, I suspect that they may be thinking that I'm proud. No lele. I prefer it like that. The bottom line is NO TIME. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by sisisioge: 6:55am On Jun 08, 2017 |
| I can't believe any woman would willingly set the tone for bad blood between herself and her future in-laws. Imagine you fighting over who greets first! Chai, in a Yoruba settings! Firstly, no big deal in being the first to say hello to whoever. Secondly, it is a traditional that has refused to die completely in Yoruba land for a wife to address everybody in her husband's family with respect... include their fowl So, you see why you are expected to greet first?Thirdly, the guy is obviously a troublesome bobo. Why don't you just avoid issues with him by not doing more than the hihi with him. Just greet and move on with your life. No biggie I swearit. It is well o...funny what people are willing to fight about when there are more pressing issues like "what would you like to eat?" |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by spencekat(m): 10:33am On Jun 08, 2017 |
alexialin:Just like me.I learnt this act from my then course mate in the university. |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Nobody: 11:55am On Jun 08, 2017 |
sammydirectly: Exactly No Time ! That's the least of your worries sef. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Affamefuna(m): 7:49am On Jun 11, 2017 |
alexialin:God bless you. U jst said my mind. I greet people regardless of age., sex or even class. It doesn't take anything from u. The op really has time |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by ImaIma1(f): 12:00pm On Jun 11, 2017 |
alexialin: Best advice. But sometimes it gets annoying when the other person never ever deems it fit to try and greet first |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Afam4eva(m): 12:21pm On Jun 11, 2017 |
This topic get as e be...I can see most responders already telling us how they greet everyone even babies that are still in the womb. This greeting thing is not easy and can cause an uncivil war. These days the culture that we cling to is multi faceted. While some people cling to foreign culture because it favours them, other cling to African culture for exactly the same reason. So, the OP won't blame his younger brother in-law for insisting she greets him as culture demands. If you're averse to this kind of culture then go and marry some whose family are foreign oriented. It's that simple. Btw, the first two times that you greeted him first, did he respond? I should think so. If he did then what's the issue since you;re claiming to be a foreign oriented person. A typical white man won't care how many times he greets you first as long as you respond to his greeting. So, sister, you have just as much ego as you brother in-law. The only reason you greeted him first is because you're trying to please your husband's family. So, in essence, if the greeting ish is an issue, please leave the marriage and don't come to Nairaland in some years to tell us how your husband's family did this and that. |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by Nobody: 12:41pm On Jun 11, 2017 |
ImaIma1: My dear don't regard such people jare . Simple see them as people without home training . Cause there are definitely people who were not trained at all. And one cannot blame them much . Simply pity them and move on . And this greeting first , will not solve anything u have going on in Yur life , so no need. Greet and move on .. And if u are tired ,or preoccupied with thoughts , simply concentrate on whats bothering u and forget whosoever is waiting for your greeting  You don't need such mental stress Its well jare |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by bigcp(m): 3:50pm On Jun 11, 2017 |
Very childish way of reasoning @OP.... now listen... |
| Re: My Fiance's Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First...but Why Should I? by bigcp(m): 4:00pm On Jun 11, 2017 |
Very childish way of reasoning @OP.... ur way of reasoning is too 4kd up....(na 12 yrs old girl suppose to de talk like dis...#greet me first) i think u have a big EGO...lets say one of ur hubby frnd decides 2 pay u and ur fiance a visit...n u knw u are a little older than him...naso u go de wait 4 him to greet u 1st?...if u continue with this orientation of yours you'll start attracting bad belle to ur life....never knw what 2moro holds 4u...that smallie wen u de look down on jsut because u senior am.. fit b ur boss 2moro (can help u)... my elder brother is married...and I'm way older than his wife...yet i do d greetings 1st whenever i see her....does that remove a dime frm me....Nah... U think you've won? i pity u..u just won d battle n not d war...u 4got u r getting married into this family....u don already de get problems with ur inlaw...instead of u trying 2 win their hearts over...u r busy tryin to win a battle...go ask around and see how inlaws can make ur home a living hell 4 u.... U better grow up girl...u r still a girlfriend n not a wife yet...don't let that boi childish attitude bring problems between u n ur hubby's family ppl...that childish boy is way closer to his family than you'll ever be (he fit mk ur in-laws hate u)...if he succeeds in turning ur inlaws against u...madam...ur own don finish...because dat home sweet home go turn to hell sweet hell. .. be wise...trash d issues with ir bro-in-law...n try to win him over...so wen u n ur hubby get small matter 2moro...he go follow settle una....simple as that.. greetings is nothing...mks u more matured than him....u really get time ooo |
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