Increasingly, I see older couples advising young married couples to wait before having kids.
To those who started rearing children immediately after marriage, what has been your experiences? Do you wish you waited a while? or Would you rather encourage newlyweds to start bearing children immediately?

Ask couples who can't conceive. They will tell you.

Kids are one of the reasons people stay in marriage

Not at all

Will not trade the experience for anything


Now imagine eating hot jollof and cold zobo then someone add fried plantain and moi moi to your plate


Understand abi?

Kids don't ruin marriages,Stupid questions as this does.

Children come when they do. Lack of planing is what spoil marriage.

I don't think the OP is saying having children is bad, all she's saying is that Children could sometimes take out the fun in marriage.

Yes I agree with the OP to some extent. Yes! having children divert your income that could've been used for something more fun like vacations, road trips etc. Into school fees, diapers, baby food etc.

As a Randy couple in the house before kids, you could do it anywhere in the house, but with the kids, the bedroom become the only restricted place of having sex, except they are out of course.

Before the kids, you could watch anything on TV without thinking some little child could be exposed unnecessarily to obscene pictures or language.

Before the kids, you could do sooooooooo many things, without being checked by children needs and ideals. That is why, for me, if not for the uncertainty that comes with child bearing and fertility, I would've suggested that couples should wait for at least one year before thinking of conceiving children. This allows for total freedom for exploration sexually, psychologically, mentally in their new found environment called marriage. It helps trash out key issues in marriage, because children causes distraction which makes couples overlook minor issues that could've been trashed early into becoming something major.

OP, the reason older couples suggest that, could be because they realised that once the children start popping in, the next twenty, twenty five or more years of their lives become revolved around the children, while their own needs become less important.

Mind you, the same way the children have a purpose to fulfill is the same way the parents have theirs to fulfill in life. That said, never let having children confine you into being a nanny or school fee provider for the rest of your life.

It works differently for every couple I guess! But had I known better I'd have waited a while before having children! The financial pressures were overwhelming even though I and hubby worked and the logistics of caring for them also added unnecessary strain! We also didn't have enough time to get used to living together and being a couple per se before the children started coming. In hindsight I also had poor management skills and didn't plan properly on many fronts! Perhaps if I had settled better into being married before children I'd have been less stressed and so on!

In all they're a blessing to have and I guess the pressures ease after a while!

But I would advice couples to wait a bit before delving into child bearing!

Femsyn:
I don't think the OP is saying having children is bad, all he's saying is that Children could sometimes take out the fun in marriage.

Yes I agree with the OP to some extent. Yes! having children divert your income that could've been used for something more fun like vacations, road trips etc. Into school fees, diapers, baby food etc.

As a Randy couple in the house before kids, you could do it anywhere in the house, but with the kids, the bedroom become the only restricted place of having sex, except they are out of course.

Before the kids, you could watch anything on TV without thinking some little child could be exposed unnecessarily to obscene pictures or language.

Before the kids, you could do sooooooooo many things, without being checked by children needs and ideals. That is why, for me, if not for the uncertainty that comes with child bearing and fertility, I would've suggested that couples should wait for at least one year before thinking of conceiving children. This allows for total freedom for exploration sexually, psychologically, mentally in their new found environment called marriage. It helps trash out key issues in marriage, because children causes distraction which makes couples overlook minor issues that could've been trashed early into becoming something major.

OP, the reason older couples suggest that, could be because they realised that once the children start popping in, the next twenty, twenty five or more years of their lives become revolved around the children, while their own needs become less important.

Mind you, the same way the children have a purpose to fulfill is the same way the parents have theirs to fulfill in life. That said, never let having children confine you into being a nanny or school fee provider for the rest of your life.

This is apt and I quite agree with you!!

I believe the reason they say couples should wait is so that they can bond properly before the kids come. There are are some things you might not be able to do again when they come because they take a lot of attention. Plus financial planning for them also.

My colleague would say "run around the house naked now and enjoy yourself b4 kids start coming"

Femsyn:
I don't think the OP is saying having children is bad, all he's saying is that Children could sometimes take out the fun in marriage.

Yes I agree with the OP to some extent. Yes! having children divert your income that could've been used for something more fun like vacations, road trips etc. Into school fees, diapers, baby food etc.

As a Randy couple in the house before kids, you could do it anywhere in the house, but with the kids, the bedroom become the only restricted place of having sex, except they are out of course.

Before the kids, you could watch anything on TV without thinking some little child could be exposed unnecessarily to obscene pictures or language.

Before the kids, you could do sooooooooo many things, without being checked by children needs and ideals. That is why, for me, if not for the uncertainty that comes with child bearing and fertility, I would've suggested that couples should wait for at least one year before thinking of conceiving children. This allows for total freedom for exploration sexually, psychologically, mentally in their new found environment called marriage. It helps trash out key issues in marriage, because children causes distraction which makes couples overlook minor issues that could've been trashed early into becoming something major.

OP, the reason older couples suggest that, could be because they realised that once the children start popping in, the next twenty, twenty five or more years of their lives become revolved around the children, while their own needs become less important.

Mind you, the same way the children have a purpose to fulfill is the same way the parents have theirs to fulfill in life. That said, never let having children confine you into being a nanny or school fee provider for the rest of your life.

if I truly understood this before having babies, I would have waited. Having babies turn you into this responsible human being . No more randy or quickie anywhere in the house except in your bedroom or if they are not around, no more really skimpy clothes around the house, you turn into a super role model because you have these little angels looking up to you, no more late nights.
But in all they are and will always be blessings and a source of joy.

MrsMurphy:


if I truly understood this before having babies, I would have waited. Having babies turn you into this responsible human being . No more randy or quickie anywhere in the house except in your bedroom or if they are not around, no more really skimpy clothes around the house, you turn into a super role model because you have these little angels looking up to you, no more late nights.
But in all they are and will always be blessings and a source of joy.

Eyah, this is nice of you but in reality your joy isn't complete

ImaIma1:
I believe the reason they say couples should wait is so that they can bond properly before the kids come. There are are some things you might not be able to do again when they come because they take a lot of attention. Plus financial planning for them also.

My colleague would say "run around the house naked now and enjoy yourself b4 kids start coming"

I've started thinking of doing everything I need to do now before I get to that time and I might no longer have as much chance as I do now

Femsyn:
I don't think the OP is saying having children is bad, all she's saying is that Children could sometimes take out the fun in marriage.

Yes I agree with the OP to some extent. Yes! having children divert your income that could've been used for something more fun like vacations, road trips etc. Into school fees, diapers, baby food etc.

As a Randy couple in the house before kids, you could do it anywhere in the house, but with the kids, the bedroom become the only restricted place of having sex, except they are out of course.

Before the kids, you could watch anything on TV without thinking some little child could be exposed unnecessarily to obscene pictures or language.

Before the kids, you could do sooooooooo many things, without being checked by children needs and ideals. That is why, for me, if not for the uncertainty that comes with child bearing and fertility, I would've suggested that couples should wait for at least one year before thinking of conceiving children. This allows for total freedom for exploration sexually, psychologically, mentally in their new found environment called marriage. It helps trash out key issues in marriage, because children causes distraction which makes couples overlook minor issues that could've been trashed early into becoming something major.

OP, the reason older couples suggest that, could be because they realised that once the children start popping in, the next twenty, twenty five or more years of their lives become revolved around the children, while their own needs become less important.

Mind you, the same way the children have a purpose to fulfill is the same way the parents have theirs to fulfill in life. That said, never let having children confine you into being a nanny or school fee provider for the rest of your life.

Well written

MrsMurphy:


if I truly understood this before having babies, I would have waited. Having babies turn you into this responsible human being . No more randy or quickie anywhere in the house except in your bedroom or if they are not around, no more really skimpy clothes around the house, you turn into a super role model because you have these little angels looking up to you, no more late nights.
But in all they are and will always be blessings and a source of joy.

The truth MrsMurphy is that you are not alone. Most of my friends (male), after their first child suddenly realise all these. Although the joy of being a father exists, but their decision to now wait unreasonably too long before the next child highlight what the OP is postulating.

I have a friend who believed she should enjoy her marriage for two years before thinking about kids, she got married 2010 and went for family planning, after two years she removed the coil, and since then, she has been trying to conceive, I hate to say I warned her, but she is the oversabi type of girl that feel she knows everything, it's been 7 yrs now and we are still praying but guess what? the hubby's family is taking advantage of the situation and giving her hell.


my advice, allow things to happen naturally, some people dnt get pregnant immediately after marriage but they want the world to believe it's what they want , people like this will misguide u.

I got pregnant a month after my marriage and it's been awesome . dnt create any window for enemies to step into your home.

darlenese:
I have a friend who believed she should enjoy her marriage for two years before thinking about kids, she got married 2010 and went for family planning, after two years she removed the coil, and since then, she has been trying to conceive, I hate to say I warned her, but she is the oversabi type of girl that feel she knows everything, it's been 7 yrs now and we are still praying but guess what? the hubby's family is taking advantage of the situation and giving her hell.


my advice, allow things to happen naturally, some people dnt get pregnant immediately after marriage but they want the world to believe it's what they want , people like this will misguide u.

I got pregnant a month after my marriage and it's been awesome . dnt create any window for enemies to step into your home.

I will not advise such drastic measures like family planning. My hubby and I did natural methods.

I don't believe in waiting, time waits for no man. You can't plan everything ,malice lingers longer when there are no kids. If you have money, you can always buy enjoyment even with 10kids but money might not buy you kids the way and in the number you want it .

OchoL:
Increasingly, I see older couples advising young married couples to wait before having kids.
To those who started rearing children immediately after marriage, what has been your experiences? Do you wish you waited a while? or Would you rather encourage newlyweds to start bearing children immediately?

What it means is plan appropriately prior to having kids. If parents desire the best for their wards, it's not a cheap investment.......

Taking real lessons... Before i get into marriage... Thnks all

lemme be learning... hubby where are you?

The earlier the better, as a woman imagine getting married at 23-25yrs and before 30-33yrs you are done with kids at such a young age. It's flex on with hubby na. You won't even believe that my uncle wife is a mother of 4. It's better to do it early and face yourselves and other things. The challenge is always there but is better compared to when couple will be in there 50s and are still paying secondary school fees.

OchoL:
Increasingly, I see older couples advising young married couples to wait before having kids.
To those who started rearing children immediately after marriage, what has been your experiences? Do you wish you waited a while? or Would you rather encourage newlyweds to start bearing children immediately?

They enhance the fundamental status of the marriage. If the marriage bond is a strong one, children will make it stronger. If it is a frivolous one, the presence of children could potentially break it up finally.