Experienced parents and guardians pls come in. I have a girl of 16yrs living with me. She lived with a relative in PH for yrs and when the parents discovered that she wasnt schooling they brought her back.

She was given to me so that she could school since d parents arent capable. At that age she was suppose to start pri 6, but bc she can read, write i decided to put her in JSS1.

The issue now is that her problem is boys. I have talked n counselled but she wouldnt stop. I saw letters she wrote to 2 different guys asking them to date her. She told one she needs like 15k for shopping. This is a girl that wears good clothes. I give her pocket money every week , and she eats what she likes.

I dont want her getting pregnant in my house bc i wouldnt keep her to birth in my house, and i know i will be too heart broken to go dump her with parents who cant even feed d remaing 8 siblings. What do i do? Should i return her to her parents(living in a 2 room with 6 kids), or is there a way i can make her live a decent and chaste life?

N/B: I am married n my husband is actively involved in raising her, but obviously she doesnt have respect even for a man that age.

At that age most girls are curious.

With the right counselling and guidance,she can change and outgrow such urges for men.

No need sending her back.

Use google to search out some practical resources for dealing with teenagers!

Yes there's some curiosity about the opposite sex at this age but that asking for money shows she's somewhat bold and has an eye for material things!

Again the world is much advanced these days and strange* things abound all over the place.

Don't quarrel with her engage her and try to be her friend!ensure you give her some sex education and warn her on the dangers of teenage pregnancy, abortion and the likes

Ifyalways

Onegai

Alphahandmaiden

Zaynie

Do pardon my randomly tagging you I felt you may have some useful tips for the OP.

Okay, let's do this. Let's establish some facts:

1. This babe is so ready to get preggers!
2. This babe has been learning from women whose eyes have "torn finish" that hitting guys up for money is okay.
3. That your "Christian/Morality" counseling ain't working.

So, what to do?

Crazy-Mode:

You found letters to the boys and she's a teenager, which means you're smarter than her because she hasn't learnt how to cover her tracks well. So scare the bejesus out of her.

One day, calmly leave the letters in public, on the dining table. Say nothing, act so normal she will question your sanity. Act like all is well. One week later, get the craziest por.n movie (I don't mean lovey-dovey stuff, the good stuff, y'know, choking, fisting, multiple guys, the female is crying, it looks like Rape, really sick stuff). Call her and play it, watch together (get some popcorn so you can chew nonchalantly). When it is done, turn it off, smile at her, give her some condoms and say "that is what boys who give you money will expect to collect from your body, even if it N15k. The economy is bad, and we need money to feed you, oya take this condom and gwan collect the money from the boys". Send her out immediately. As in, push her out of the house. Be dead serious, just make it clear she cannot come back home without that N15k or she will die a brutal death at your hands. Feel free to channel your inner Patience Ozokwor, be as evil as possible. Ignore her tears and pleading, act like a Nollywood madam and insist she must bring money to that house, and you and oga don't care if she earns it on her back. Since she already wants to do so. Don't beat her, beating is for kids. Tell her since she wants to act like an adult, you will make her bear all the consequences of Adulting.

You wanna break her. Strip away that stvpid confidence she feels, that she can pull stunt and get away with it. Break her, so you can finally get through her fog of delusion. Because talking hasn't gotten through. So it is time for Action. Crazy Action. When my cousin asked her dad for money or she threatened to sleep with older men, he smiled chillingly and told her to collect for two. End of that discussion.

When you break her, switch to Good Cop: tell her "My dear, I'm so scared for you. This is how life is and truly you are not ready for this o, and if you do, me I will send you back to your parents, you and that baby will starve o."

I'm not crazy about overgrown kids in the wrong class, so let us bone this "16 years old in JSS1" and focus on her learning a trade that will be useful to her. All those Alhajas selling lace in Balogun didn't go to school,

(Hola babythug )

Babythug hi!



@OP, did you say she's 16 and in JS1?
If that's what you meant, then she needs to start adult education classes and not school with kids half her age. This is because she'll have a feeling she's older and wiser than they are and the easiest way to prove seniority would be her way with boys.
Find a good adult education class for her that runs between 8-2pm or in the evening but not at night. She can also start a vocation part time.
Unless you want her at 22yo in SS3.

Secondly, how did you speak to her? That she'll get pregnant or fail? Trust me that talk is washed away.
There was this little teenager that lived with my MiL, she will even carry her fellow teenage boys home and feed them and what nots. They beat her tire, she no hear.
Then I had a chat with her. Self worth.
What are you worth at your age?
What do you deserve from a guy? Chicken pie and coke? 15k for shopping? Is that what it takes to have you?
Tell her she deserves more and no man will give her more unless she's truly worth more.
Another question that always breaks their wings is "what are you bringing to your relationship? What are you offering the man in exchange? Sexx? Is that all you've got?
You need to have a discussion with her...
Deep one.


Another pointer is to exemplify.
Now for example my son (5yo) is totally taken with Kung-fu Panda and can faint for Po the Dragon Warrior but he also realises that Tiger is a kick asss, that she can hold her own too.
I once watched a movie where the woman was totally dependent on men and her mentor gave her some fictional books and movies to go through. She started wanting to imitate these heroines.
What is she watching? Nickoledeon where girl is infatuated and would scale fence to go and visit boys or Telemundo or Zee world or Black berry babes or silly Nigerian movies?
Throw her a list of the most successful women around the world. The ones who began with nothing.
Dare her to be like them and not like the ones who take the easy way out.


Nothing wrong in her having feelings for a boy. It's nature, guide her to do it with sense so she doesn't get hurt.
I had my first boyfriend at 17/18, we're married now.

Show her clips of abortion and it's consequences or take her to a clinic to witness live sessions and round the day off with visiting advanced hiv patients and allow the impressionable teenager make her choice.

babythug:
Ifyalways

Oneg.ai

Alphahandmai.den

Za.ynie

Do pardon my randomly tagging you I felt you may have some useful tips for the OP.

Personally i dont know what to do except send her back to her parents. God has not bestowed that kind of grace and endurance of bullshi.t on me yet.

OP.
Your house, your rules. If she cannot heed your advice and give your husband the neccessary respect, and abide by your code of conduct. You have a massive problem and potential disaster is brewing.

She is already asking for N15K for shopping. At 16 what does she need that kind of money for? For lack of a better phrase - " her eye is chooking" this is likely to come with some major attitude sometime soon. .
In 2 years she will be technically an adult so decide your battles with some forward planning.

It is only a matter of time, before she may start stealing your money, or wearing your clothes and make up.

It is also a matter of time she may start sleeping with men who will give her money. I wont be surprised if she is not already sexually active.

High tendency to get pregnant plus also be aware that should that happen, she fit lie say na your hubby give am belle.
( e no get the kind deny, you wan deny, even with dna test..... some village people will say that na because say una get money that is why you want to use big big technology to cover the issue)

Besides you do know you can sponsor her education without her staying in your house? If people in he UK can sponsor a child in the middle of the african rain forest, it ia not impossible for you.

Let her go back home, she has parents, they should have some responsibility on how their children are brought up. I am of the opinion that people should stop bloddy shagging and having children they cannot take care of! They should manage however they can.

Agree you will sponsor her in a school local to where her parents live, on the strict condition that she makes the grades (you cannot be paying foe school fees for someone that is going to do yanga and follow boys in school) . And continue up to her SSCE.

Pay any money directly to the school via bank draft. And find a way that you reduce the physical cash you give her for other school supplies like books, uniforms etc. Or else she will use it to do " shopping".

After that she can decide if it is further education or a trade she wants to learn. And you can assess your financial situation then to know if you are able to keep financing her until she "graduates" from which ever route she decides..

15k for what? from a jss1 boy? when i was her age i have not seen 500 naira to my name. children of nowadays sef

Sorry but I'm quite selfish and at this point will think about my family safety first especially if I have young kids or toddlers around.

Perhaps it's cos she chop Belleful,have pocket money that's why she's chasing boys up and down. I'm not saying you should starve her or stop giving her pocket money but she needs a reality check. . .

Let her go spend holidays with her parents and tell her parents what she's been up to so they can counsel or handle her whatever way they deem fit. She's still their child and responsibility. On returning from holidays, watch her closely for changes and if there's none please take her back home, enroll and pay for whatever skills she wants to learn and move on.

Nothing wrong with her having attractions for the opposite sex at her age

Don't shame her, that never works. Give her sex education and don't lecture her in a sanctimonious way, because that would turn her off, and she will never take ur words.

Also advise her not be easily swayed by guys, let her be aware of their tactics, so she won't get hurt.

All these paparazzi on top what? Biko return her home and leave some money for her schooling and feeding to show you still care, you just couldn't deal ni. Issue resolved.

babyme1:
Experienced parents and guardians pls come in. I have a girl of 16yrs living with me. She lived with a relative in PH for yrs and when the parents discovered that she wasnt schooling they brought her back.

She was given to me so that she could school since d parents arent capable. At that age she was suppose to start pri 6, but bc she can read, write i decided to put her in JSS1.

The issue now is that her problem is boys. I have talked n counselled but she wouldnt stop. I saw letters she wrote to 2 different guys asking them to date her. She told one she needs like 15k for shopping. This is a girl that wears good clothes. I give her pocket money every week , and she eats what she likes.

I dont want her getting pregnant in my house bc i wouldnt keep her to birth in my house, and i know i will be too heart broken to go dump her with parents who cant even feed d remaing 8 siblings. What do i do? Should i return her to her parents(living in a 2 room with 6 kids), or is there a way i can make her live a decent and chaste life?

N/B: I am married n my husband is actively involved in raising her, but obviously she doesnt have respect even for a man that age.

op send her to me. I want to confirm if she has started receiving big big preeek.

I promise i will only put the tips of my peee.nis into her young and fresh va..gina.