So, I am back again with a little piece on Nigerian parents. I was talking to someone a few days ago. Let’s call him Zee for the purpose of this piece. He was telling me about his previous escapades with weed in the past and He finished his story with “… but it is not something I want to do again”

Our conversation then diverted to Nigerian parents, and how fear is usually their main communication tool! They never say why something might be harmful to you; they just use the fear of something, or some sort of punishment to stop you from doing a thing. For example. When they want to get you to abstain from sex, they tell you, you will get aids or you will get pregnant. As if aids is only contracted from sex and pregnancy is a bad thing, lol. I mean, they are true but only to a limited extent. They are not the absolute truths.

Personally, I think the worst of all is alcohol. I do not know about you guys, but I grew up in a home where drinking alcohol was a taboo. Yet no one could ever tell me why. They just said it was wrong. Why it was wrong, up until today I do not know!

Now, this is not me bashing Nigerian parents in any way. I am Nigerian and I love my parents. However, it is me saying as Nigerians in general we need to do better when it comes to communication. We don’t like to talk about things like sex, drugs, alcohol, homosexuality, partying, mental health etc. We are very aware they are going on, we often times indulge in them, but talking about them is an issue. What we fail to see is that, awareness is a powerful preventative tool.

When I first moved out of Nigeria to study, the first thing that struck me was the fact that all my friends were very aware and so were their parents. My friends knew how to take care of themselves on a night out. They would party like crazy, but they were always looking out for each other.

I remember hearing them talk about how one time they could not get a taxi back from a club one evening and they called one of their mothers’ and she drove down to the club and picked them up at like 3am in the morning. In my mind I was like, Imagine if it was my mother! Lol, I might as well start walking home!

What I have learnt from living in the west is this, talking about things is much better than 1) pretending they don’t exist 2) deciding your opinion on an issue is the only one that matters and 3) using fear as a teaching tool.

Communication might not stop people from doing drugs, and what not, but it will definitely give them an idea of what they are walking into before they start. It also lets them decide for themselves, which I think people, especially young people respect.

Knowledge is power. For all the people out there who are sexually active, use drugs, drink alcohol and party every night, no, I am not telling you to stop (I don’t care that much!) I am however suggesting that if you are not “aware” of the side effects of what you are doing, or of how to minimise certain side effects, or even how to get the most out of what you are doing without killing yourself, maybe you should invest some time in finding out. Prevention is always better than cure!

Disclaimer: I am in no way promoting living a careless life! I am just saying knowledge is power, and if you are going to indulge in something, do you research first!

Words by Sammie

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True i agree

Not bad at all.
Nice write up.

Op, I agree with you to an extent. But the typical Nigerian parent won't do what you're expecting 'cause it's a norm that they don't. The subject "Sex" is an awkward topic for a mother and daughter or father and son to discuss so they'd rather tell you "Don't let a boy touch you 'cause you risk being pregnant" or "Don't sleep with a girl, you risk contacting HIV" instead of giving the boy/girl child proper sex education.

I think the only thing that'd make communication effective between children and parents is when parents create an atmosphere where their kids see them as friends and could discuss anything that bothers them.

Nigerian parents only use fear as a tool to control their children's minds the same way religious leaders use fear as a tool to control people's minds

That's only what they know but then I realize teenagers of these generation are wiser

If you tell a 13 year old girl of 2017 that if a man touches you you will get pregnant, she will likely not believe because she knows better by virtue of her exposure to the media and internet but if you tell a 13 year old girl of 1985 the same thing she'll believe you

So parents need to understand we're in a different generation, a generation if knowledge and ICT exposure where any lies parents tell can be bursted.

Meanwhile it's obvious that their old SChool disciplinarian ways of raising children didn't work because it was majorly employed with threats and fear not understanding and guidance so the children of the 70s and 80s were good actors in the presence of their parents and something else as soon as the power their parents were wielding in them was gone. E.g school fees and pocket money

But apparently the parents of the 60s and 70s will never learn because they think they know it all while the younger generation are clueless,ignorant and daft

My parents told me then as a young teenager that clubbing was for children of the devil and anyone who attended there belong to the world and will go to hell

All for me to see hidden old school pictures of my dad in club with his friends back in the days under the cassettes. I just shook my head and laughed and that was years ago hence I stopped believing him.parents need to realise the day your kids realise you're Lying, they'll find other means of verification and your words will just be empty talk that they won't take seriously again.they will just pretend that they have heard meanwhile what they intend to do or will do is in their mind

I have my own child to so I know what it is to be a parent