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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Lamentations Of A 16yr Old (368 Views)
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Lamentations Of A 16yr Old by omegart: 2:44pm On Aug 03, 2017 |
Like the topic says m 16..a science student and not a writer just trying new things so pls try to drop your reviews Of the many I've been seeing I was told to sit, you know nothing In me I know : The ones we feed till we're thin The ones that steal That make us work-off our skin The ones we've turn kings Instead of the leaders they're meant to be The ones that have hidden all our wealth That care less about our health... On everyturn a thief.. That doesn't care about the kids he's met Greed is the belief The president in whom we've lost faith We doubt he still bares his face He promised fame, good name.. And to tame The wild beasts in the north The Uncontrolled kids in the south The greedy in the East And the corrupt in the middle But no.. All are still in play Time's on its way For the travelling leader we still pray Cuz to the rest we're not but prey.. 2 Likes |
Re: Lamentations Of A 16yr Old by Nobody: 4:10pm On Aug 06, 2017 |
The peom is good; I tried reading it aloud, and it sounded really good. The one thing the poem lacks though, is coherence of words, it would have been so much more impressive if it had stanzas and a leg (iambic and the others) Overall, you've done well, giving us an insight into what life looks like in the eyes of a 16 year old. |
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