Tell me, what defines a man”?

Struck like lightning to a key at the base of a kite darting through the wind, the question came at me with such daunting presence, totally eclipsing my thoughts as I sought for, an entire hour, an answer to this puzzling question. In all honesty, I was the one who had initially troubled my mind with such a question, still, I found that providing an answer was almost big a responsibility to bear alone for an hour but then, I needed an answer.

The night was cold and silent, and if it weren’t for the faint sounds I made as I breathed, one would forgiven to think we were camping among the dead.

Just when I thought nothing worthy to be termed an answer would visit, the first one knocked on the door of my mind.

Character.


Is character a true yardstick to define a man? Is character a pure testament of what a man is capable of handling? Can we use character to judge who a man is or what manner of man he will become? Maybe yes, maybe not, but if there is anything I have come to know about these beings called men, is that, a man can choose to be who ever he wants to be at any time, even if he has to pretend for a long time. If so, then we can say, the character of a man will remain stable provided the situation remains the same, but if we stir the water a little, man is sure to react accordingly to the situation. If so, then character is unstable and cannot be relied upon. And with that I shook my head, knocking character off my porch.

So I waited.

Next was Words.

When a man speaks, he speaks from within, this I remember hearing while growing up, but really, tell me, can the words of a man give a true description of what manner of man he is or will be? Maybe yes, we can hold a man accountable for the words he has spoken and the vow has made, but to say that his words are a sure measurement of his definition is one I will never put my bet on, because time again and again, it has been proven, man is prone to lies, whether intentionally or not. So if then I can’t guarantee the day a man decides to break his promises will never come, how then can I be so sure to defend what I think about such man. So just like Character, I too had my reservations towards Words and soon yanked it off my porcelain porch.

Along came Actions.

They speak louder than words, so true, and so scary, for a man can, and will do anything so long the price or prize is right by him. The price and prize may not necessarily mean that every man can be bought for a monetary value, but the truth is, whether we like to know it or not, a man will only act when he knows he will gain something because his action will cost him something. Fame, prestige, legacy, principle, pride, appreciation approval, recognition, whatever it may be, a man’s action will always swing to the direction of a prize, and you will be damned if you tangle with a man who is set to do anything for a prize. If this is true, then then a man’s action will say one or two things about him but never everything about him, so therefore, a man is not fully defined by his actions.

What then defines a man?

As I mulled over the question again, more visitors trooped in, offering their best solutions to this nagging headache, and still, none was deemed worthy to be granted a room in my head because whatever it was, Character, Words, Actions, Attitude, Priorities, Principles, Purpose, Destiny, Talents, and all others, they all can be manipulated and be feigned when everything seem right and everyone is watching. So what then can truly define a man as he is? What of those things he does when no one is watching?

YES!!

It was at this point of questioning did the answer come crashing on me like an avalanche on a city, a man is truly himself when no one is watching.
Think of it. A man could put up a character just for a show, or say something he knows you want to hear. A man could do something just for a prize or price or could do other 1001 things just for that moment, but when no one is around, when no one is watching, when no one is judging or making criticisms, a man is truly free to be who he is. All the charade and masks are put off, and the bare man stands out for himself to see, knowing fully well that this is who he is. This he knows about himself, but then there is an issue, he will never allow you see that side of him. He will never allow you know him like that because the day you do, that is the day he has lost his power on you. That is the day you define him.

So then, we have a problem.

If the unseen nature of a man is the true measure of defining him, then it is scary to think and to say that the very thing we think we know about that person we love or hate may in fact be a lie masquerading to be the truth, because it is now obvious that a man will only allow you to see what he wishes for you to see, and not the whole truth.

If so, then who can truly define a man?

Well, my answer is, only a man knows who he is, every other thing are just reflections and shadows because what we see and know about a man could be a misleading representation of who and what he is.

So how do we live with this? Isn’t it scary to live with the fear that what we thought we knew about someone may not in fact be real?

Yes, of course it is scary, but once you come to terms with the fact, no the truth, that a man is capable of doing just about anything, then you won’t be shell shocked when he does something contrary to what he says he is or had shown to be.

This may be a flawed submission, but this is the only thing I have for now.

www.litcore.