| New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by queenafric(f): 3:41pm On Feb 19, 2010 |
Hi all,
Someone sent me this and i just thot i should share it with you guys. To me it is ridiculous, though some sound funny.
To be fore-warned is to be fore-armed.
New Rules of Air travel for People of Nigerian Origin in the United States
1. Do not go to the toilet for the whole duration of your flight.
2. Do not carry any kind of container into the airport, or onto the plane.
3. Do not request for a window seat. Do not ask to sit in the aisle. Any request for specific seating may be indications of a premeditated plot,
4. If you are given food during the flight, ask the flight attendant not to give you cutlery. A Nigerian with a sharp implement on a plane is asking to be arrested.
5. Do keep your hands in plain sight during the flight. Do not look too happy or too sad.
6. Do not be too polite to flight attendants.
7. Do not be aggressive or have aggressive thoughts toward flight attendants
8. Try not to have any form of carry on luggage. If you do, make sure it contains
nothing suspicious or dangerous like pens, pencils, paper, or a calculator, as these are common bomb making materials.
9. Do not carry any electronic items that may be used to communicate with the Taliban ,or used for surveillance, like cell phones, iPods, walkmans, electric toothbrushes or cameras,
10. NEVER travel with your laptop computer.
11. Never travel if you have any kind of tribal marks. That includes the small marks you have managed to cover with facial hair.
12. Do not travel to the U.S if you are an engineer, if you have ever lived in London, or if your father is a banker.
13. Do not talk to other Nigerian on the same flight as you. It makes other people nervous.
14. Do not ask to be upgraded to first class or business class. Sitting too close to the front of the plane makes the pilot nervous.
15. Never admit to your fellow passengers that you are Nigerian. If asked, say you are from the Republic of Zamunda in East Africa.
16. When you are getting onto the plane, do not even glance at the cockpit.
17. Women, do not wear wigs, weaves or hair pieces. Any form of disguise is suspicious.
18. Take a cold shower before coming to the airport. Sweating and scratching yourself is a sign of nervousness. Why are you nervous?
19. Do not fart on the plane. Noxious smells might indicate you have bomb making chemicals hidden in your underpants.
20. Do not go home with the free magazines in the plane. Yes, it says “free”, but that is just a test. Leave the plane with those magazines and you’ll be arrested.
21. Wear clean underwear and be ready for a full body/cavity search.
22. Do not carry any potentially dangerous or toxic substances onto the plane like toothpaste, cough mixture, bottled water, mouthwash, lipstick, chewing gum or baby formula, Make sure your baby’ diapers are empty.
23. Do not get angry with fellow passengers, for any reason, even if it’s their fault. You will still be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay.
24. Do not travel by air into, out of, or across the U.S if you are Muslim.
Muslim is defined as :
a. Any person with a suspicious name like Mohammed, Fatal, Fatima, Barrack or Ibrahim, or if your last name starts with El-, Al-, or Abdul-, All Nigerian Alhajis, Alhajas, Alfas and Imams are forbidden from entering U.S airspace
a. Anyone that has ever entered a mosque.
b. Anyone that knows what a mosque is.
c. Anyone that dresses in long flowing garments.
d. Anyone that has a beard.
NOTE: If you converted from Islam to Christianity, you are still classified as Muslim.
25. Always travel with some kind of proof that you are a Christian. Preferably always travel with your pastor.
26. Do not attract attention to yourself. Do not drive to the airport in your Mercedes or Honda like a typical Nigerian. Instead, drive an American car like Pontiac or Chevy. You may be mistaken for an American. Or Haitian.
27. Do not ask to drink soda, tea or coffee in the airport or on the plane. Always ask for alcohol to prove you are not a Muslim.
28. Do not travel by air in the U.S if you have ever had a parking ticket, extra-marital affairs, stolen stationary from your office, or if you have ever exceeded the speed limit. This is a sign of severe subversive terrorist behavior.
27, Do not travel on or around Christmas day or on September 11th. Avoid travelling on or around Easter, Thanks Giving , Independence day or New year’s Day. Avoid traveling on Muslim holidays. Avoid air travel in the summer or winter. (NOTE: no specific reason, its just to piss you off)
28, YORUBA people please!!! Do not prostrate to greet your elders at the airport. People may thing you are dodging bullets or protecting yourself from a bomb blast,
29. NEVER, EVER carry any kind of Nigerian food onto a US aircraft,
30. Wearing agbadas, head ties, wrappers, danshikis, etc to the airport is not recommended. They make you look very un-American, and therefore potentially dangerous.
31. Do not act like a typical Nigerian for the duration of the flight. This includes speaking any language other than “American English”. Speaking any “funny” language is to be avoided. If you have elderly parents that do not speak “American”, they should NOT speak for the duration of the flight. If spoken to, their response to anything should be “Yeah man”,
32. DO not talk to your fellow passengers. Statements like “hello” might be misconstrued to be “Hello, you are my next victim”. Statements like “Hello, my name is Mohammed”, may be interpreted as “my name is Mohammed and I’m gonna blow up this goddam plane”.
33. Do not wear large afros that may conceal weapons or bombs.
34.Do not carry any kind of document , newspaper or book that contains any form of Arabic inscription or writing. You will be detained until a translator can be found.
35. Do not argue when you are told your luggage is over weight. Apologise profusely and pay double what they ask you for excess luggage.
This guide was created by the Nigerian Counter-Terrorism Unit. Research was sponsored by The Save Your Behind (SYB) Trust Fund. |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by niceguy10: 5:32pm On Feb 20, 2010 |
Interesting but Zap the U.S.A. |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by johnkent(m): 6:51pm On Feb 21, 2010 |
nice-guy10:
Interesting but Zap the U.S.A.
Would u like a US visa sir? |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by oyewolejos(m): 10:15pm On Feb 21, 2010 |
queenafric:
Hi all,
Someone sent me this and i just thot i should share it with you guys. To me it is ridiculous, though some sound funny.
To be fore-warned is to be fore-armed.
New Rules of Air travel for People of Nigerian Origin in the United States
1. Do not go to the toilet for the whole duration of your flight.
2. Do not carry any kind of container into the airport, or onto the plane.
3. Do not request for a window seat. Do not ask to sit in the aisle. Any request for specific seating may be indications of a premeditated plot,
4. If you are given food during the flight, ask the flight attendant not to give you cutlery. A Nigerian with a sharp implement on a plane is asking to be arrested.
5. Do keep your hands in plain sight during the flight. Do not look too happy or too sad.
6. Do not be too polite to flight attendants.
7. Do not be aggressive or have aggressive thoughts toward flight attendants
8. Try not to have any form of carry on luggage. If you do, make sure it contains
nothing suspicious or dangerous like pens, pencils, paper, or a calculator, as these are common bomb making materials.
9. Do not carry any electronic items that may be used to communicate with the Taliban ,or used for surveillance, like cell phones, iPods, walkmans, electric toothbrushes or cameras,
10. NEVER travel with your laptop computer.
11. Never travel if you have any kind of tribal marks. That includes the small marks you have managed to cover with facial hair.
12. Do not travel to the U.S if you are an engineer, if you have ever lived in London, or if your father is a banker.
13. Do not talk to other Nigerian on the same flight as you. It makes other people nervous.
14. Do not ask to be upgraded to first class or business class. Sitting too close to the front of the plane makes the pilot nervous.
15. Never admit to your fellow passengers that you are Nigerian. If asked, say you are from the Republic of Zamunda in East Africa.
16. When you are getting onto the plane, do not even glance at the cockpit.
17. Women, do not wear wigs, weaves or hair pieces. Any form of disguise is suspicious.
18. Take a cold shower before coming to the airport. Sweating and scratching yourself is a sign of nervousness. Why are you nervous?
19. Do not fart on the plane. Noxious smells might indicate you have bomb making chemicals hidden in your underpants.
20. Do not go home with the free magazines in the plane. Yes, it says “free”, but that is just a test. Leave the plane with those magazines and you’ll be arrested.
21. Wear clean underwear and be ready for a full body/cavity search.
22. Do not carry any potentially dangerous or toxic substances onto the plane like toothpaste, cough mixture, bottled water, mouthwash, lipstick, chewing gum or baby formula, Make sure your baby’ diapers are empty.
23. Do not get angry with fellow passengers, for any reason, even if it’s their fault. You will still be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay.
24. Do not travel by air into, out of, or across the U.S if you are Muslim.
Muslim is defined as :
a. Any person with a suspicious name like Mohammed, Fatal, Fatima, Barrack or Ibrahim, or if your last name starts with El-, Al-, or Abdul-, All Nigerian Alhajis, Alhajas, Alfas and Imams are forbidden from entering U.S airspace
a. Anyone that has ever entered a mosque.
b. [b]Anyone that knows what a mosque is.
c. Anyone that dresses in long flowing garments.
d. Anyone that has a beard.
NOTE: If you converted from Islam to Christianity, you are still classified as Muslim.
[/b]
25. Always travel with some kind of proof that you are a Christian. Preferably always travel with your pastor.
26. Do not attract attention to yourself. Do not drive to the airport in your Mercedes or Honda like a typical Nigerian. Instead, drive an American car like Pontiac or Chevy. You may be mistaken for an American. Or Haitian.
27. Do not ask to drink soda, tea or coffee in the airport or on the plane. Always ask for alcohol to prove you are not a Muslim.
28. Do not travel by air in the U.S if you have ever had a parking ticket, extra-marital affairs, stolen stationary from your office, or if you have ever exceeded the speed limit. This is a sign of severe subversive terrorist behavior.
27, Do not travel on or around Christmas day or on September 11th. Avoid travelling on or around Easter, Thanks Giving , Independence day or New year’s Day. Avoid traveling on Muslim holidays. Avoid air travel in the summer or winter. (NOTE: no specific reason, its just to piss you off)
28, YORUBA people please!!! Do not prostrate to greet your elders at the airport. People may thing you are dodging bullets or protecting yourself from a bomb blast,
[/b]N
29.[b] EVER, EVER carry any kind of Nigerian food onto a US aircraft,
30. Wearing agbadas, head ties, wrappers, danshikis, etc to the airport is not recommended. They make you look very un-American, and therefore potentially dangerous.
31. Do not act like a typical Nigerian for the duration of the flight. This includes speaking any language other than “American English”. Speaking any “funny” language is to be avoided. If you have elderly parents that do not speak “American”, they should NOT speak for the duration of the flight. If spoken to, their response to anything should be “Yeah man”,
32. DO not talk to your fellow passengers. Statements like “hello” might be misconstrued to be “Hello, you are my next victim”. Statements like “Hello, my name is Mohammed”, may be interpreted as “my name is Mohammed and I’m gonna blow up this goddam plane”.
33. Do not wear large afros that may conceal weapons or bombs.
34.Do not carry any kind of document , newspaper or book that contains any form of Arabic inscription or writing. You will be detained until a translator can be found.
35. Do not argue when you are told your luggage is over weight. Apologise profusely and pay double what they ask you for excess luggage.
This guide was created by the Nigerian Counter-Terrorism Unit. Research was sponsored by The Save Your Behind (SYB) Trust Fund.
Simply put u must be a retarded person to believe all this cock and bull stories.Do u work with TSA or FBI or CIA?I travelled during the heat of the bomb attempt and i never experienced any difficult at the almighty JFK Airport so where did u get your stories.People just talk on this issue based on asumption but is not true.All the above is just figment of your own imagination. get the Bleep outta here |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by dinggle: 10:36pm On Feb 24, 2010 |
Before you Bleep the U.S.A, you wanna first Bleep N I G E R I A.
May I remind you that the list is completely untrue. And if it were true you should appreciate a govt who will take any step possible to protect its people. Not ur govt that cannot protect you from Boko-haram and brutality of almajeris. |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by Nobody: 2:29pm On Feb 26, 2010 |
This is very interesting but I just arrived in the US on Wednesday even though I flew in from London and I must say that I did a number of your things on the list and still there was no trouble. In fact I got no hassle at the Airport and went through immigration in less than 3 mins with no palaver. In my opinion the hype over the whole terror thing is overblown as they only enforce the strictest security at some of the major aiports; JFK, Chicago, Atlanta etc In fact there was more security at Heathrow than Denver where I landed. Denver by the way is the third largest Airport in the world. Find my comments though queenafric:
Hi all,
Someone sent me this and i just thot i should share it with you guys. To me it is ridiculous, though some sound funny.
To be fore-warned is to be fore-armed.
New Rules of Air travel for People of Nigerian Origin in the United States
1. Do not go to the toilet for the whole duration of your flight. I went several times! 
2. Do not carry any kind of container into the airport, or onto the plane. hmnn
3. Do not request for a window seat. Do not ask to sit in the aisle. Any request for specific seating may be indications of a premeditated plot, I checked in online and had an aisle seat! I was even the last person on the flight! Security risk?
5. Do keep your hands in plain sight during the flight. Do not look too happy or too sad. Oh I was very happy
6. Do not be too polite to flight attendants. I was very polite
9. Do not carry any electronic items that may be used to communicate with the Taliban ,or used for surveillance, like cell phones, iPods, walkmans, electric toothbrushes or cameras, I had all the items in bold on me!
10. NEVER travel with your laptop computer. I had my laptop. I even brought it out during the flight.
19. Do not fart on the plane. Noxious smells might indicate you have bomb making chemicals hidden in your underpants. No comment about what I did in the lavatory! 
24. Do not travel by air into, out of, or across the U.S if you are Muslim.
Muslim is defined as :
a. Any person with a suspicious name like Mohammed, Fatal, Fatima, Barrack or Ibrahim, or if your last name starts with El-, Al-, or Abdul-, All Nigerian Alhajis, Alhajas, Alfas and Imams are forbidden from entering U.S airspace
a. Anyone that has ever entered a mosque.
b. Anyone that knows what a mosque is.
c. Anyone that dresses in long flowing garments.
d. Anyone that has a beard. I'm growing one at the moment, does that count
NOTE: If you converted from Islam to Christianity, you are still classified as Muslim.
This guide was created by the Nigerian Counter-Terrorism Unit. Research was sponsored by The Save Your Behind (SYB) Trust Fund.
I think that it is a crap guide anyway My thoughts anyways! |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by queenafric(f): 7:46pm On Mar 07, 2010 |
oyewolejos:
Simply put u must be a retarded person to believe all this cock and bull stories.Do u work with TSA or FBI or CIA?I travelled during the heat of the bomb attempt and i never experienced any difficult at the almighty JFK Airport so where did u get your stories.People just talk on this issue based on asumption but is not true.All the above is just figment of your own imagination.
get the bleep outta here
You are pathetic and also the biggest fool of the century for calling me a retarded person. How dare you? All becos i posted something i wanted other nairalanders to read. Or were you blind that u couldnt see i said it was sent to me and just wanted to share? How could someone ever thought that i made it all up? Men! you really pissed me off and you can just get the Bleep off my thread if you know it upset you this much. shior  ! |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by Nobody: 8:53pm On Mar 07, 2010 |
queenafric:
You are pathetic and also the biggest fool of the century for calling me a retarded person. How dare you? All becos i posted something i wanted other nairalanders to read. Or were you blind that u couldnt see i said it was sent to me and just wanted to share? How could someone ever thought that i made it all up? Men! you really pissed me off and you can just get the bleep off my thread if you know it upset you this much. shior !
@queenafric, young lady ,you dont need to get so worked up,thereby insulting the youngman, the guy could be your future husband,you never can tell |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by oyewolejos(m): 9:20pm On Mar 07, 2010 |
mobuch:
@queenafric,
young lady ,you dont need to get so worked up,thereby insulting the youngman,
the guy could be your future husband,you never can tell
I better remain single than marry this daughter of a bitch. queenafric:
You are pathetic and also the biggest fool of the century for calling me a retarded person. How dare you? All becos i posted something i wanted other nairalanders to read. Or were you blind that u couldnt see i said it was sent to me and just wanted to share? How could someone ever thought that i made it all up? Men! you really pissed me off and you can just get the bleep off my thread if you know it upset you this much. shior
U are mean |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by gongoaso1: 10:13pm On Mar 07, 2010 |
aint it amazing peeps cant pick out the SARCASM in the poster's piece  even when its this glaring  SMH |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by dnalarian(m): 10:27pm On Mar 07, 2010 |
gongo aso:
[b]aint it amazing peeps cant pick out the SARCASM in the poster's piece [/b]even when its this glaring
SMH
I did! That's why I had to indulge the poster and break down my experience, lol |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by faith4love(f): 12:32pm On Mar 07, 2016 |
Hahaha |
| Re: New Rules For Nigerians Travelling To The U.s by cuteannie02: 2:03pm On Mar 07, 2016 |
queenafric:
Hi all,
Someone sent me this and i just thot i should share it with you guys. To me it is ridiculous, though some sound funny.
To be fore-warned is to be fore-armed.
New Rules of Air travel for People of Nigerian Origin in the United States
1. Do not go to the toilet for the whole duration of your flight.
2. Do not carry any kind of container into the airport, or onto the plane.
3. Do not request for a window seat. Do not ask to sit in the aisle. Any request for specific seating may be indications of a premeditated plot,
4. If you are given food during the flight, ask the flight attendant not to give you cutlery. A Nigerian with a sharp implement on a plane is asking to be arrested.
5. Do keep your hands in plain sight during the flight. Do not look too happy or too sad.
6. Do not be too polite to flight attendants.
7. Do not be aggressive or have aggressive thoughts toward flight attendants
8. Try not to have any form of carry on luggage. If you do, make sure it contains
nothing suspicious or dangerous like pens, pencils, paper, or a calculator, as these are common bomb making materials.
9. Do not carry any electronic items that may be used to communicate with the Taliban ,or used for surveillance, like cell phones, iPods, walkmans, electric toothbrushes or cameras,
10. NEVER travel with your laptop computer.
11. Never travel if you have any kind of tribal marks. That includes the small marks you have managed to cover with facial hair.
12. Do not travel to the U.S if you are an engineer, if you have ever lived in London, or if your father is a banker.
13. Do not talk to other Nigerian on the same flight as you. It makes other people nervous.
14. Do not ask to be upgraded to first class or business class. Sitting too close to the front of the plane makes the pilot nervous.
15. Never admit to your fellow passengers that you are Nigerian. If asked, say you are from the Republic of Zamunda in East Africa.
16. When you are getting onto the plane, do not even glance at the cockpit.
17. Women, do not wear wigs, weaves or hair pieces. Any form of disguise is suspicious.
18. Take a cold shower before coming to the airport. Sweating and scratching yourself is a sign of nervousness. Why are you nervous?
19. Do not fart on the plane. Noxious smells might indicate you have bomb making chemicals hidden in your underpants.
20. Do not go home with the free magazines in the plane. Yes, it says “free”, but that is just a test. Leave the plane with those magazines and you’ll be arrested.
21. Wear clean underwear and be ready for a full body/cavity search.
22. Do not carry any potentially dangerous or toxic substances onto the plane like toothpaste, cough mixture, bottled water, mouthwash, lipstick, chewing gum or baby formula, Make sure your baby’ diapers are empty.
23. Do not get angry with fellow passengers, for any reason, even if it’s their fault. You will still be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay.
24. Do not travel by air into, out of, or across the U.S if you are Muslim.
Muslim is defined as :
a. Any person with a suspicious name like Mohammed, Fatal, Fatima, Barrack or Ibrahim, or if your last name starts with El-, Al-, or Abdul-, All Nigerian Alhajis, Alhajas, Alfas and Imams are forbidden from entering U.S airspace
a. Anyone that has ever entered a mosque.
b. Anyone that knows what a mosque is.
c. Anyone that dresses in long flowing garments.
d. Anyone that has a beard.
NOTE: If you converted from Islam to Christianity, you are still classified as Muslim.
25. Always travel with some kind of proof that you are a Christian. Preferably always travel with your pastor.
26. Do not attract attention to yourself. Do not drive to the airport in your Mercedes or Honda like a typical Nigerian. Instead, drive an American car like Pontiac or Chevy. You may be mistaken for an American. Or Haitian.
27. Do not ask to drink soda, tea or coffee in the airport or on the plane. Always ask for alcohol to prove you are not a Muslim.
28. Do not travel by air in the U.S if you have ever had a parking ticket, extra-marital affairs, stolen stationary from your office, or if you have ever exceeded the speed limit. This is a sign of severe subversive terrorist behavior.
27, Do not travel on or around Christmas day or on September 11th. Avoid travelling on or around Easter, Thanks Giving , Independence day or New year’s Day. Avoid traveling on Muslim holidays. Avoid air travel in the summer or winter. (NOTE: no specific reason, its just to piss you off)
28, YORUBA people please!!! Do not prostrate to greet your elders at the airport. People may thing you are dodging bullets or protecting yourself from a bomb blast,
29. NEVER, EVER carry any kind of Nigerian food onto a US aircraft,
30. Wearing agbadas, head ties, wrappers, danshikis, etc to the airport is not recommended. They make you look very un-American, and therefore potentially dangerous.
31. Do not act like a typical Nigerian for the duration of the flight. This includes speaking any language other than “American English”. Speaking any “funny” language is to be avoided. If you have elderly parents that do not speak “American”, they should NOT speak for the duration of the flight. If spoken to, their response to anything should be “Yeah man”,
32. DO not talk to your fellow passengers. Statements like “hello” might be misconstrued to be “Hello, you are my next victim”. Statements like “Hello, my name is Mohammed”, may be interpreted as “my name is Mohammed and I’m gonna blow up this goddam plane”.
33. Do not wear large afros that may conceal weapons or bombs.
34.Do not carry any kind of document , newspaper or book that contains any form of Arabic inscription or writing. You will be detained until a translator can be found.
35. Do not argue when you are told your luggage is over weight. Apologise profusely and pay double what they ask you for excess luggage.
This guide was created by the Nigerian Counter-Terrorism Unit. Research was sponsored by The Save Your Behind (SYB) Trust Fund. Absolutely hilarious, the writer should have said 'do not travel to America ', absolutely false and impossible |
