So I’m writing this from a place of genuine care and concern (not because I’m objectifying women, for the militant feminists amongst us) because some of the things I have seen in the recent past have been nothing short of disturbing – nightmare inducing even. I feel like I have to say something because, well, maybe some ladies haven’t been told the truth by their hairstylists (trust me, some hairstylists would make you look like Voltron and still tell you “ah, madam the hair fit you well. As in e too fine as e dey your head like this” while your scalp is showing more dry area than the parting of the red sea) and I feel I should say something so some ladies may be a bit more careful with what type of hair they pick to fix and who does the fixing for them.

First a preamble: early lady week, I was heading out in the morning, wondering why everyday isn’t a weekend and just generally feeling grumpy when I spotted something mind-blowing. A bike zoomed past, with a lady in the back seat and it just looked.. well… odd. You know all those movies when you see a lady on a motorcycle, her hair would be flying all around like it had a life of it’s own. This one was the exact opposite. It looked more like the hair was one solid, immovable mass on her hair which was odd as 1) the hair was longer than neck length and 2) the bike was moving pretty fast. The hair looked like those alien face huggers from one of those alien horror movies. It looked like it was also a passenger, hanging on to the woman’s head for dear life because when one part of the hair moved, basically the whole thing moved and I was seriously concerned that at some point the hair would fly off and start a life of it’s own on the streets of Lagos.

Then a few days ago, I was taking a walk around evening time when I walked past this lady whose hair quite frankly took me aback. You know those helmets power rangers and professional power bikers wear that look solid and immovable? That’s exactly what the hair looked like. Not one strand of it was moving on an extremely windy day. The hair looked more like it was personal protective equipment than hair. It looked like it was a crown she picked up and wore when stepping out and whenever she she gets back home, she’ll just take it off and put it back in her bedside drawer.

Ladies, ladies, I know the struggle to look good is real. I mean, I have a feeling that if I were a lady, I would almost permanently be on low cut because really, I just can’t be bothered like that. But please, don’t make yourself look like you’re about to participate in Formula One racing just because you want to fix hair. If the hair ain’t good for you please, skip it, not for our benefit but yours. I’ve seen ladies with hair colors that so mismatched their skin tone that I was certain the hair color was the result of an unfortunate accident in a chemistry laboratory and not a conscious choice she made. I know, looking good is hard – more so for ladies than guys – which is why you should look for what works best for you (emphasis on the word best). I’m not saying go and do blood money or sell all your property so you can afford human hair. Funny thing is natural hair is great on some ladies. As is low cut and so many other hairstyles that don’t cost more than the GDP of a small African country. Just don’t in the process of trying to follow trends end up looking like one of my village masquerades with a bad hangover. Do you as best as you can be.

And please try not to put on helmet hair – it looks really weird..

https://boringnigerian./2017/09/02/dear-nigerian-ladies-please-pick-your-hair-with-more-care/