E JE KA FI INU DIDUN

Ee-je-ka fi ope fun oluwa ni Ashale yiii. (Let us with merry hearts praise the Lord this night)
The guest preacher said.

A florescent bulb dangling over his head while he absent-mindedly flipped through his bible with his right hand.

He picked up his handkerchief and wiped off sweat that had formed on his forehead, while he gulped mildly to swallow the saliva that was accumulating in his mouth.

Iya Ijo, his wife at home had always told him to gulp at ten minute intervals,
For that would minimize the frequency of the spits that ejected from his mouth when he preached or prayed.

He could not help it.
For he was a fire brand who had seen life in its naked form and would never take anything for granted.

Who could blame him?

Apparently he had understood the meaning of 'ile aye akamara' when he had seen two old women pounding a live chicken at a crossroad in the middle of the night.
A sight which made him take a different route as he had been coming from an 'iso oru' session with his girlfriend at that time.

Apparently, he had been attacked by a machete wielding masquerade while in the dream and had woken up to see cuts on his body and a bloodied aso ofi which he had used to cover himself.
An episode which forced him to immediately rush to the ori oke (mountain) in Ekiti state in order to visit the famed Aladura (prayer warrior) society.

Apparently, he had been physically confronted by three elderly men who had informed him that he would die within ten days if he did not join them at the riverside to complete the rites of initiation into the cult which his father belonged to before answering the call of the heavenly towncriers.

Aye akamara.

The preacher had seen the world in its true naked form.
An experience that had fully changed his way of life and turned him into a fire brand.

He intended to do the same to the audience that night.
For his eyes had seen some very potent 'eleyes' (witches) who had come to disrupt the flow of the meeting.

Afterall, the land was known as the haven of Esu himself.
The resting place where his wife, Arun (disease) and his concubine, Iku (death) resided fully.

After the land had been handed over to the devil in a covenant more than fifty years back.
For the Kabiesi and Balogun (warrior chief) had been desperate to defeat their enemies and had exchanged the future of the land just to enjoy temporary dominance in the land.

The guest preacher looked around once again and shivered a bit.
For the audience were not seeing what he was seeing.

Beeni

Their 'oju inu' (inner eyes) were as blind as the Arsenal fan who knows his team will never win the Champions league, yet still rejects every call to dump the team.

Remember that popular saying 'o ti le chingum soju' (he has plastered chewing gum on his eyes)?
Their inner eyes had been sealed with a 'spiritual superglue'

That was if there was anything like that.

For some hardcore Christians held firmly to the belief that the spiritual world produces most of the physical things we use on earth.

Just like the marine world produces female hair attachments which are really snakes intertwined together.

Just like the marine world cooks up great beats in the studio underneath the water and gives them to music producers to listen to, so as to make hit records.

Just like the marine kingdom organizes numerous dance classes where they teach dance steps such as etighi, azonto and others so that the world can be hooked.

And just like the way high heels are really inventions from the darkest pits of hell that are meant to derail the women from making heaven.

Beeni
The inner eyes of these church members had been blinded.

The young university graduate sitting at the corner did not know that his eyes were lusting after Esu's daughter.
No wonder she could whine her waist so effortlessly anytime the choir leader raised a fast tempo praise song.

The resident pastor did not know that his wife was the wife to the terrible demon that wielded seventeen clubs.
No wonder He always woke up every morning with pains all over his body.

The resident pastors son never knew that the boy he bullied in school, was the next in line to become head of the wizards.
No wonder the son continued to repeat the class he was despite having a sharp brain .

They did not know, but he intended to force open their eyelids which had been slammed shut.

"E je ki a dide ni wo yi. A fe gba adura Isegun bayi" (we will stand up now. We want to pray victory prayers)
The preacher continued.
Obviously tired at seeing the lukewarm attitudes which the parishioners were putting on.

The usher, who was supposed to be on guard, had gone to sit in a discreet corner and dozed off.
"I cannot kuku come and kill myself" had been the last word he muttered before giving in to the overpowering grip of sleep.

For he was a banker who had rushed down from work to the night vigil.
And sleep was no respecter of anybody who has blood running through the veins.

The university graduate too was guilty of the lukewarm attitude.

He shifted uncomfortably on his seat while looking at the clock at intervals.
As his mind was devising the best way to extricate Morenike from the church building for about twenty minutes.
At least that would give them ample time to quickly perform a quick praise and worship session in the church toilet before returning to the service.

"Ara o sha ki n se igi (the body is not wood)" he quietly muttered.
And that early morning friend whose second name was 'konji' was a rude visitor who could pay anyone a visit at any time.

Beeni o.
It had paid the village pastor a visit while the man was preaching on the altar one day.

Poor man who had been jejely talking on Holiness and then experienced the visit of that overgripping visitor when a sister, wearing short skirts, walked to the front seat.
A seat, she did not stay a long time in because the usher had come swiftly to direct her to the back seat.

The church was getting too lukewarm,
And the pastor felt it was time to open their eyes of understanding.

"O pariwo ni wo yi. Mo ni pe o ma kigbe ki orun gbo. O ni pe, Oluwa oo, gbogbo ibi ti won ri ogo mi, bami wu jade " (You will shout at this point. You will scream so that heaven will hear you. You will say, Lord God, wherever they buried my breakthrough, help me uproot it).

It took two minutes for the worshippers to be charged up in prayers.
As everyone first took their prayer positions before they began to enter into the theatre of war.

The usher chose to kneel and place his head on chair.
A pose that allowed him to easily kick off round two of his sleep while feigning to be deeply praying.

The resident pastor held on to the iron support in the middle of the church.
As it could offer him more opportunity to push himself backwards and propel forward while praying.
Much like Ashakah Michael, a fellow who he had seen in Egba camp before.

The pastor's son faced the wall and fired prayers.
For he loved to hit the wall as a physical representation of what he was doing to the devil in the spiritual realm.

An exercise the devil laughed at seriously.
For the boys phone gallery was filled with pornographic missiles which he always feasted his gaze upon in the dead of the night.

To be continued in later posts
#BASHORUN

Okontas.com

Oya bring it on.Been I!

So hilarious