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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Politics / Foreign Affairs / The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) (1011 Views)
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The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) by overhypedsteve(m): 12:59pm On Sep 23, 2017 |
bilms:I am beginning to suspect that the president is not well informed on the capabilities of our Armed Forces. This is the same thing as saying we side the United States and we hate the stupid North Koreans even without having an ambassador there to hear them out. OK, what if this old griot make us a spot in the target map of the North Korean mad man. At least the US will defend where it has bases with SAMs but who will defend us? With no single air defence system in place this old man is adding us to a conflict where most of the main actors are trying to stay neutral. I think the president is not well informed on the attack or defensive capabilities of our Armed formations. If he does then he should know that we have a national emergency in those areas, he won't be giving out big talks. Believe you me this old men are sometimes clueless in this things. My Pops a former big dog in the Armed Forces would get furious anytime he hear that we are training with the Pakistan he will always tell me that those are really poor defenseless countries and the Nigerian Armed Forces can take them on easily. He would then recount the Liberian days and Sierra Leone, he would mention some outdated equipments that he believe would kick a55 in battle. He told me the Alpha jets where the fastest jets in Africa and they where the key to the win in Liberia. Old man would sometimes sit with his old retired colleagues talking about the valiance of their days, they always conclude that any nation pitched against Nigeria in battle would have to face the indomitable Nigerian infantry and the unbeatable Alpha Jets. I fear the outdated doctrine of our Armed Forces but what I fear more is the outdated minds of its thinkers. Imagine a whole Air Chief calling Governors and vips to celebrate and induct five units of a trainer aircraft, that's because in his mind with the proper equipments added he can invade Russia with that jet. I piety those online that are thinking this guy's know what they are doing, well it's either of two things. It's either they don't know what they are doing or they do and are deliberately incapacitating the Armed Forces of the most threatened Nation is Sub Saharan Africa. Case scenario : Nigerian airspace have just been invaded by two fourth generation aircraft of a neighboring nation, the aircraft is spotted heading to Abuja. (At the Aso Villa) President: hmm so those Chadians think they can invade my country, Air Chief send in the F7s and shoot those planes down. Air Chief: sir we have done that already, but I am afraid we are out of F7s sir. President : what do you mean out of F7s? Those jets are the jets we ve been using to kill Boko Haram and scare West African Dictators. Air Chief: the jets in question are too fast for the F7s it's like it sees them before they leave the base and lay in wait for them. The jet is so advanced with smart raders, smart missile and with our present technology we can only barely see them, our jets are flying blindly sir. President : hmm. That's new, who would have ever thought a plane can carry it's own rader(and to think the Chadians got it before us) Air Chief! Do you think that Tucano that trump is selling for us for 500million dollars have a rader on top of it like this one? Air Chief: I do not know yet sir. I only ran a quick search on Google about the plane before we decided to buy it. Let me quickly check Wikipedia. President : no time for that. Call me the army chief Army Chief: Salute sir. President : take it easy on yourself, before you fall down. Okay we have two strange aircraft coming towards Abuja carrying a new technology called "rader" and we need you to use those advanced Anti Aircraft Guns that you are always telling me can shoot anything down to shoot it down. Army Chief: OK sir. We will shoot it down in no time. Although we may have to go through the manual again to see how it works when using it against air targets. We have not tried that before. President : OK then be fast. Use the Air chief's phone. There is this thing called google that he use for getting information's. Army Chief : OK sir. At the Barrack in Abuja. Men are seen mounting the gunner of 2 old rusty looking Shilka. Army Chief: OK men. Our nation is under attack. Do well to shoot down this two jets that are invading us. We will wait for the moment they cross into Abuja and shoot them. From the calculations we received from the guys at NASRDA they will come through here. While the army Chief spoke two tiny object far away in the sky zoomed past leaving a trail in the clouds. Army Chief : never mind this is useless, the planes just entered Abuja go home and pray with your families. It's up to the boys in the Guard Brigade now to sing the president a befitting funeral song. At the Aso Villa President : I am seriously mad at you, how is it that I am not aware that Chad have this kind of aircraft. Air Chief: sir we never saw them as a threat till now. President : please check if they are heading for Aso Rock. So that I can kick off the "official presidential last prayers" Air Chief : they are heading here sir. I just googled again and someone is saying on Nairaland that... President : Nairaland? Oh! I know that site. There is this brilliant ICT guy called Overhypedsteve who could design you a website, e-commerce shops and a registration portal within days (email me @ stevezuks@gmail.com). Air Chief : OK, I got Intel from Nairaland that the Chadians have been purchasing some kind of fancy bombs called bunker buster that can hit anything even inside a hardened bunker like we have here in Aso Rock. And the Chadian President's twitter account have been spreading this hash tag #FromDerbyWithLove with pictures of him posing close to the bomb. Sir been a very smart intelligent somebody with military experience I have come to the conclusion that they are going to use those bomb on Aso Rock. President : no way. No Bomb can penetrate the Aso Rock bunker we just upgraded it remember? Air Chief: sir since we are all going to die let me just come out clean and say that, the upgrade never happened, we just repainted it and I gave the rest of the cash to charity. President : well at least you gave the money to charity. What's the name of the charity. Air Chief: erm! erm! DubaiSummerShoppin&spaCharity its aimed at helping poor kids and wife of Air Force Chiefs go to Dubai for shopping and Spa. So far we were able to test run it by sending my kids and wife to Dubai. It was successful. President: wow that's cool. I really like Dubai. There is this Spa I once visited where they will put slices of cucumbers on your eyes and allow you to lay down in mud. First I thought it was disgusting but then later I realized it was rejuvenating. Let's go to Dubai sometimes if we survive this. The sound of helicopters rotors could be heard outside. President : go and check what is happening outside I think the jets are about to start bombing us. A loud mega phone could be heard from outside( Good afternoon Mr President! This is an intervention team from the US African Command. We have airlfted two units of the patriot missile system and our men are on board to man them. You have no reason to fear. We will protect you. President: Thank God you guys got here quickly. I was almost about to start the "Official Presidential last prayer". Thank you USA but to what do we owe this honour? AfriCom: well we figured if we help you shoot down the Chadians jets you would allow us build a military base in your country. That way we will always be on ground to protect you in times like this. President : wow the US is really great. No hidden agenda. (whispers to the Airchief use Google and check the CIA website to see if they have hidden Agenda's) Air Chief: OK sir, (looked into his phone for a while and whispers to the president) sir I have checked the CIA website and I am sure there is no hidden agenda. In fact I was able to screenshot a big sign from the site on which is written in bold "No Hidden Agenda's " President : well white people. You can come and build a base in our country so long as you will protect us from "rader" planes. But that will be until we build more sophisticated planes for ourselves. You see the Air Chief is a very smart man and he has been visiting a Do it yourself website which coupled with some YouTube videos he will soon build us the greatest attack jets ever made. That is how it will just happen. Building a base in Nigeria would even be a small request from anybody that will save our a55 from the glaring stup1dity of the ruling class. Peace Y'all. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) by Nobody: 2:25pm On Sep 23, 2017 |
The fact that we lack behind in some capacity doesn't warrant ignorant remarks. your former top dog papa should have told you Nigeria and Pakistan likewise other allies go way back. o boy stop this hallucination. |
Re: The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) by Nobody: 5:16pm On Sep 23, 2017 |
Wait! That is not all. Part Two: President: Air chief, but there are some boys on Nairaland who you told me have been giving you updates on the Afrikan Military & Security Services? Air Chief: That's right sir! One of them is Henry240 and the other is Tdayof. We even have them on our payroll sir but unfortunately, I just found out that Henry is an independent gun-running contractor who has been supplying chinese-made copies of AK-47 to militia & rebels in Somalia, Congo & Sierra Leone while Tdayof is an upcoming inventor who is currently studying in China about how to build “toy-drones” for Nigeria. Infact, it was Henry240's idea that made me order for those Amerikan Tucanos. President: I see! Army Chief: I should have listened to Appleyard, Scully95, Nairaminted, Capip120, Bonechamberlain, Seunny4lif, Romme2u, Overhypedsteve, EdoBoy90 & Poseidon000. President: Are they the new G.O.Cs? Army Chief: No sir! These guys are seasoned military strategists who have studied international military doctrines since the time of Hitler. President: Oh! They used to work for Hitler - The President of Western Germany? Army Chief: No sir! They are mostly on Nairaland educating our officers on the latest military technologies & advancements of Countries such as Russia, India, Iran, China & North Korea They once advised me to procure some highly sophisticated military equipment from Russia such as the Iskander-M ballistic missile systems, Mig-29k jets, SU-30SM jets, S-400 SAMs, Pantsir-S1, BUK self-propelled SAMs & 3 Admiral Gorshkov-class frigates but Henry240 discouraged me saying - our shilka, bazooka, greenades, T54/55 armoured tanks & F7 jets can withstand & repel invasion from any Country. President: Send the DSS to arrest both Henry240 & Tdayof for deliberately misleading & sabotaging the security of our Nation. They will be tried for treason. Army Chief: Yes sir! President: This Nairaland sef, who owns it? Army Chief: It is one Yoruba boy who lives in Sango Ota. His name is Seun. President: My media spokesperson (Lauretta Onochie) told me there is no day they do not abuse me on Nairaland. Is it true? Army Chief: That is correct sir! Infact, there are two boys called Lalasticlala & Mynd44 who are always pushing the threads to the front page for the whole world to see. Even our enemies now know your nicknames like Bubu, Fulani Terrorist & Daura Cow President: Good! Now, order your boys to launch “Operation Python Dance - Season 4” on Nairaland so that I can deal with them. ***Naval Chief Runs Inside The Bunker To Deliver Some Bad News*** Naval Chief: Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! We are in cataclysmic trouble. President: IPOB has invaded Aso Rock? Naval Chief: No sir! The 2 Algerians fighter jets have just taken out the Amerikans and their Patriot Air Defense System which were meant to be protecting us. And the 2 jets are currently flying low & simulating missile attack against Aso Rock but our Guards Brigade are trying to bring them down with our Chinese-made AK-47. President: Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. ***Another loud mega phone could be heard from outside*** This is the Algerian super-commander Abdelaziz Salah. You are advised to surrender your wife Mrs. Aisha Buhari now or I shall bomb Asorock to ashes. You have just 40minutes to comply President: Buratai - Pls, you know I have just one wife, and you have 3 wives. Army Chief Interrupts: Sir! All my wives have gone for shopping in Dubai but I know a girl on Nairaland who we can package to look exactly like Mrs. Aisha Buhari. Her name is Missy89 Army Chief Phone rings: Grreeem, Grreeem (This is Sergei Shoigu - The Russian Defense Minister - I have 2 Akula-class submarines patrolling the Nigerian territorial waters & requesting invitation to neutralize the threats against Nigeria - Over? ) President: Delta, Alpha, Romeo, Echo, Copy - Invitation Approved Dan bura uba! To be continued......... 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) by seunny4lif(m): 5:55pm On Sep 23, 2017 |
Zoharariel: 1 Like 1 Share
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Re: The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) by seunny4lif(m): 5:56pm On Sep 23, 2017 |
Lala we need this in FP 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) by overhypedsteve(m): 6:22pm On Sep 23, 2017 |
bilms:I am beginning to suspect that the president is not well informed on the capabilities of our Armed Forces. This is the same thing as saying we side the United States and we hate the stupid North Koreans even without having an ambassador there to hear them out. OK, what if this old griot make us a spot in the target map of the North Korean mad man. At least the US will defend where it has bases with SAMs but who will defend us? With no single air defence system in place this old man is adding us to a conflict where most of the main actors are trying to stay neutral. I think the president is not well informed on the attack or defensive capabilities of our Armed formations. If he does then he should know that we have a national emergency in those areas, he won't be giving out big talks. Believe you me this old men are sometimes clueless in this things. My Pops a former big dog in the Armed Forces would get furious anytime he hear that we are training with the Pakistan he will always tell me that those are really poor defenseless countries and the Nigerian Armed Forces can take them on easily. He would then recount the Liberian days and Sierra Leone, he would mention some outdated equipments that he believe would kick a55 in battle. He told me the Alpha jets where the fastest jets in Africa and they where the key to the win in Liberia. Old man would sometimes sit with his old retired colleagues talking about the valiance of their days, they always conclude that any nation pitched against Nigeria in battle would have to face the indomitable Nigerian infantry and the unbeatable Alpha Jets. I fear the outdated doctrine of our Armed Forces but what I fear more is the outdated minds of its thinkers. Imagine a whole Air Chief calling Governors and vips to celebrate and induct five units of a trainer aircraft, that's because in his mind with the proper equipments added he can invade Russia with that jet. I piety those online that are thinking this guy's know what they are doing, well it's either of two things. It's either they don't know what they are doing or they do and are deliberately incapacitating the Armed Forces of the most threatened Nation is Sub Saharan Africa. Case scenario (part 1) Nigerian airspace have just been invaded by two fourth generation aircraft of a neighboring nation, the aircraft is spotted heading to Abuja. (At the Aso Villa) President: hmm so those Chadians think they can invade my country, Air Chief send in the F7s and shoot those planes down. Air Chief: sir we have done that already, but I am afraid we are out of F7s sir. President : what do you mean out of F7s? Those jets are the jets we ve been using to kill Boko Haram and scare West African Dictators. Air Chief: the jets in question are too fast for the F7s it's like it sees them before they leave the base and lay in wait for them. The jet is so advanced with smart raders, smart missile and with our present technology we can only barely see them, our jets are flying blindly sir. President : hmm. That's new, who would have ever thought a plane can carry it's own rader(and to think the Chadians got it before us) Air Chief! Do you think that Tucano that trump is selling for us for 500million dollars have a rader on top of it like this one? Air Chief: I do not know yet sir. I only ran a quick search on Google about the plane before we decided to buy it. Let me quickly check Wikipedia. President : no time for that. Call me the army chief Army Chief: Salute sir. President : take it easy on yourself, before you fall down. Okay we have two strange aircraft coming towards Abuja carrying a new technology called "rader" and we need you to use those advanced Anti Aircraft Guns that you are always telling me can shoot anything down to shoot it down. Army Chief: OK sir. We will shoot it down in no time. Although we may have to go through the manual again to see how it works when using it against air targets. We have not tried that before. President : OK then be fast. Use the Air chief's phone. There is this thing called google that he use for getting information's. Army Chief : OK sir. At the Barrack in Abuja. Men are seen mounting the gunner of 2 old rusty looking Shilka. Army Chief: OK men. Our nation is under attack. Do well to shoot down this two jets that are invading us. We will wait for the moment they cross into Abuja and shoot them. From the calculations we received from the guys at NASRDA they will come through here. While the army Chief spoke two tiny object far away in the sky zoomed past leaving a trail in the clouds. Army Chief : never mind this is useless, the planes just entered Abuja go home and pray with your families. It's up to the boys in the Guard Brigade now to sing the president a befitting funeral song. At the Aso Villa President : I am seriously mad at you, how is it that I am not aware that Chad have this kind of aircraft. Air Chief: sir we never saw them as a threat till now. President : please check if they are heading for Aso Rock. So that I can kick off the "official presidential last prayers" Air Chief : they are heading here sir. I just googled again and someone is saying on Nairaland that... President : Nairaland? Oh! I know that site. There is this brilliant ICT guy called Overhypedsteve who could design you a website, e-commerce shops and a registration portal within days (email me @ stevezuks@gmail.com). Air Chief : OK, I got Intel from Nairaland that the Chadians have been purchasing some kind of fancy bombs called bunker buster that can hit anything even inside a hardened bunker like we have here in Aso Rock. And the Chadian President's twitter account have been spreading this hash tag #FromDerbyWithLove with pictures of him posing close to the bomb. Sir been a very smart intelligent somebody with military experience I have come to the conclusion that they are going to use those bomb on Aso Rock. President : no way. No Bomb can penetrate the Aso Rock bunker we just upgraded it remember? Air Chief: sir since we are all going to die let me just come out clean and say that, the upgrade never happened, we just repainted it and I gave the rest of the cash to charity. President : well at least you gave the money to charity. What's the name of the charity. Air Chief: erm! erm! DubaiSummerShoppin&spaCharity its aimed at helping poor kids and wife of Air Force Chiefs go to Dubai for shopping and Spa. So far we were able to test run it by sending my kids and wife to Dubai. It was successful. President: wow that's cool. I really like Dubai. There is this Spa I once visited where they will put slices of cucumbers on your eyes and allow you to lay down in mud. First I thought it was disgusting but then later I realized it was rejuvenating. Let's go to Dubai sometimes if we survive this. The sound of helicopters rotors could be heard outside. President : go and check what is happening outside I think the jets are about to start bombing us. A loud mega phone could be heard from outside( Good afternoon Mr President! This is an intervention team from the US African Command. We have airlfted two units of the patriot missile system and our men are on board to man them. You have no reason to fear. We will protect you. President: Thank God you guys got here quickly. I was almost about to start the "Official Presidential last prayer". Thank you USA but to what do we owe this honour? AfriCom: well we figured if we help you shoot down the Chadians jets you would allow us build a military base in your country. That way we will always be on ground to protect you in times like this. President : wow the US is really great. No hidden agenda. (whispers to the Airchief use Google and check the CIA website to see if they have hidden Agenda's) Air Chief: OK sir, (looked into his phone for a while and whispers to the president) sir I have checked the CIA website and I am sure there is no hidden agenda. In fact I was able to screenshot a big sign from the site on which is written in bold "No Hidden Agenda's " President : well white people. You can come and build a base in our country so long as you will protect us from "rader" planes. But that will be until we build more sophisticated planes for ourselves. You see the Air Chief is a very smart man and he has been visiting a Do it yourself website which coupled with some YouTube videos he will soon build us the greatest attack jets ever made. That is how it will just happen. Building a base in Nigeria would even be a small request from anybody that will save our a55 from the glaring stup1dity of the ruling class. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) by overhypedsteve(m): 6:26pm On Sep 23, 2017 |
The initial post was banned but above this comment is a repost. Please unban the post 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: The Day Chadian Planes Invaded Nigeria And The President's Reponse(hypothetical) by hamzeiy: 9:34pm On Sep 24, 2017 |
Hahahaha...its a crazy piece. Anyway no country can invade nigeria in the world just like that. |
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