BismiLLAH

PART 1

I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY COWIFE

With all due respect, kindly read to the last full stop before drawing conclusions. BARAKALLAHU FEEKUM.

Almighty ALLAH says in Surah At-Talaq Qur'an 65 verse 6: “Let the women live in the same stile as you live, according to your means. And annoy them not, so as to restrict them.”

Ibn Qudaamah said in his popular book, Al-Mugni (8/137): A man does not have the right to make two wives live in the same dwelling without their consent, regardless of whether the house is large or small, because this will cause them harm due to the enmity and jealousy between them. Making them live together will cause conflict and each of them will be able to hear when the husband spends time with (has marital relations with) the other or she will see that. If they both agree (to live together in one house), this is permissible because they have the right to do, to ask for independent accommodation, or they may choose to forgo this right.

In volume 4, page 23 of Bada’i al-Sana’i, Imam Kasaani (RahimahuLLAH) quotes Surah At-Talaq verse 6 and comments:

" If the husband desired her to live with his other wife or his family members, such as: his mum, sister, daughter from another wife or relatives, and she refused, then it will be incumbent upon him to provide her with a separate living quarter. The reason for this is that she may be harmed in co-sharing, and her refusal is a sign of harm. Also, the spouses need to fulfil their mutual sexual needs whenever the need arises, which may be difficult with others around.
If the husband provided her with a separate quarter in a large home, which has a separate lock, then she will not have a right to demand for a total separate house.”

Imam al-Haskafi states in Durr al-Mukhtar:
“It is necessary for the husband to provide the wife with a shelter (home) that is free from his and her family members…. taking into consideration both their economic standings. A separate quarter within the house that has a lock, separate bathroom and kitchen will be (minimally) sufficient.”

HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahBintAbbas.com

Sending love to the giant, NIGERIA Ya ALLAH bless ANAIJIRRY, by ALLAH I love you, my land

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After quoting what people of knowledge have written, join me in PART 2 to have a feel of what living together with his other wife means, by sharing my advice to a sister with you.


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BISMILLAH

PART 2

I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY CO-WIFE

Ma, for Allah 's sake with all due respect, your husband MUST provide separate apartment for both of you. BUT if you are willing to let go of that right to your own residence as a wife, then there is NO sin on him. I hope I am not mistaken from your write up if you will be staying together in the SAME house with his other wife, IT IS DANGEROUS. It can be full of bliss and harmony and even your hurt might melt down easily for her. But there is an elderly woman in our community here whose husband make her co wife live with her, she always say this to everyone: "follow the Shari'ah, give each wife her rights to her own residence." There were this other polygynous family, wherein both wives beat eachother to a pulp. You have the tendency to be your worst when you are put in a difficult situation. The first wife was very easy going and admired for her virtuous trait. But today destruction has already begun before the husband get separate apartment for them.

Please there is a reason that the rule in shariah is that each wife should have a separate apartment. You might think you can cope until you bump into them kissing or wrapping arm around each other or talking and laughing like you don't even exist or him watching her while sitting next to you. Or she thinking the kitchen should be a certain way in a certain setting and you thinking another, and the husband takes her side. Or you love setting things one way and she thinks it should be in another way. Or you unhappy and need comfort then you see them smiling all about in the house. Or you waking up and hearing them doing ghusl before fajr, and they meeting you with smiles and wet hair, a definite sign that they have co-habit. I am sorry if I sound negative but I just don't want a sister to make an avoidable mistake. from description it seems your husband can afford separate apartments please let him get separate apartment for her even if it is next to each other, that is better than having an invaded territory. A woman is the queen of her home.

However you can also have an excellent relationship with her if you CHOOSE to live together. So please kindly pray that Allah guide you to the best.

AND ALLAH KNOWS BEST.

HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahBintAbbas.com

Sending loves to the giant NIGERIA
Oh ALLAH increase your blessings on my land.

Did you find the thread interesting?

I appreciate your views, kindly share with others on Nairaland, Facebook, Whatsapp, etc.

Shukran.

BISMILLAH

WORKS

A farmer decides to plant Tomatoes. He will be responsible for that decision, hence he will have to work so as to achieve that. Nobody forces him to make a decision that would require him to work whether he loves working or not he must do the work.

Another farmer decides to plant tomatoes and onions. He takes on more responsibilities, hence he will have to do more work

Isn't that obvious?

Both farmers will encounter problems in their work, it is obvious that the one with two veggies will have more problems.

In the case of failure, the farmer with two veggies will incur more loss.

If both farmers succeed, the success of the farmer that planted two veggies will be more than the success of the one that planted only one veggie.

Meaning there will be more rewards (profit) for the onion and tomato farmer compared to the farmer who planted only tomatoes.

AlhamduliLLAH, we read the above with no strong feelings. Let us read the following with no pent up emotions.

Marriage is work polygynous marriage is more work. I mean marrying one woman is work, marrying more than one woman is more work.

That is the truth. It is obvious. I am not saying it because of any prejudice. People are always emotional regarding polygyny. It doesn't have to be like that.

If you are going for polygyny, you should be ready to work more, may ALLAH grant you success. You are going to gain rewards for the efforts and you have to make Dua like RasuluLLAH usually does regarding polygyny. He would pray to Allah regarding his efforts in maintaining justice.

Nobody is under compulsion to take on more responsibilities. The moment you take on the additional responsibilities you have to perform that duty. I am not saying the duty have to be extremely difficult. No, but there will more duties.

We have men in our midst that wants polygyny because they desire pleasure, they don't want to acknowledge the additional responsibility that comes with their decision.

For every additional pleasure that these men take, someone definitely is suffering an additional injustice. The farmer that have two veggies on his farm actually did make some sacrifices and did some work before the returns started coming in.

A man in polygyny that doesn't want more work but only the pleasure and rewards of such union will definitely be making someone else do the work forcibly, indirectly and unjustly, thereby committing sins.

A farmer that does not want to pay Labour to work and does not want to use machine and does not want to work himself but he wants to harvest, he will have to kidnap and force people to do the work unjustly.

The same is applicable to a man that doesn't want "any problems" nor additional responsibilities but somehow wants to enjoy the pleasure of plural marriage, he will make people pay unjustly. And those people that will pay for every additional pleasure he enjoys without working for it will be his wives and children.

When I mean more work what I am talking about is not only the obvious financial implications of such commitment, I mean the emotional investment you have to make in each marriage, the determination not to backbite one wife to another, the must of equal time division even if you love being with one more than the other, the efforts not to transport your bad mood with one wife to another wife, making efforts not to call one wife by another wife's name, the natural jealousy (not envy) that will come up and the skills you have to use to manage it. You want to practice polygyny but interestingly you are expecting "no jealousy" Mehn, şe ę n whine ni?

If jealousy could erupt within the mother of believers. If jealousy could erupt among prophet Yakubs wife despite that they are sisters. So which exceptions are you expecting in an ordinary Muslimah? Sheikh Salih Al fawzaan said the difficulty and jealousy that women show during polygyny is a natural one not a religious one.

This is not an encouragement for jealousy in women. Just like I am not encouraging getting your clothes dirty if I say, whenever you wear clothes, you will have to wash them.

That is a fact, marry more than one woman then deal with jealousy. RasuluLLAH dealt with jealousy.
I am not trying to discourage polygyny get your hands on how RasuluLLAH mastered the art and dealt with it. In sha Allah you will succeed.

In conclusion, I say marriage is work, polygynous marriage is more work.
And ALLAH knows best.

HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

May ALLAH ease the affairs of everyone presently in financial crisis.

BISMILLAH

REMINDER

"And Remind for verily the reminder benefits the believer"(51:55)

Every year during Ramadan we will be reminded of the principles of Ramadan, all the laws binding and guiding the practice.

Why are the scholars always repeating these principles? Is it because we don't know these principles? Definitely not. It is because we need to be reminded so that we will not take it with levity hands.

Why is it that a woman is always lectured every time she gets pregnant about the food she should take that will help the baby grow excellently? Is it because she doesn't know initially? Definitely not. It is because if she is not reminded she will take the importance of the practice with levity.

In sociology class, we were told that reinforcement is paramount in learning and the most important reinforce in learning is repetition.

*************
In Shariah, there are five levels of deeds: Wajib, Mustahabb, Mubahaa, Makruh and Haram.

People fall into three categories when it comes to marriage according to Ibn Qudaamah RahimahuLLAH in Al-Mughni (9/341-344).

I will not quote, I will just summarize: Marriage is Wajib (compulsory) for people that are certain that without marriage they will commit zina. Marriage is Mustahabb (preferable) for people that have desires but they are certain that without marriage they cannot commit zina. Marriage is however Haram (forbidden) for a man that knows that he cannot keep a woman chaste. That is those men that have very low Shahwa (sexual drive), or even no sexual desire at all.

**************
I am saying this not because people did not know but because people are not being reminded about this at all, hence we have total negligence of this fact in the Muslim world today. People are taking this ruling with levity because they don't realize that if they marry while lacking the ability to marry they are committing sins.

A man that wants to marry a second, third or fourth wife must have the financial capacity to provide separate apartment for each wife. That is established, and confirmed in Shariah from previous articles I have published, the same thing is applicable to the ability to satisfy each wife sexually. A man that have the ability to keep just two women chaste must not marry three women. A man that have the ability to keep just one woman chaste must not marry two else he is committing sins. A man that is not capable of keeping any woman chaste must not marry at all. A man must not commit zina, or take alcohol or neglect Quran or Salah, if he did, he is committing sins. The same is applicable to a man that doesn't have the ability to keep a woman chaste yet he marries her. That is a sin, hope that is noted?

There is a very real problem in the Muslim world today. Wherein sisters are complaining honestly that their husbands are not meeting their sexual needs. I am not talking about first wives only here. The complaint is coming from both first and second, sometimes even third or fourth wife.

What is getting me angry is their husband's advice that they should be fasting to control their desires.

WHAAAAAAT! A married woman should fast to contain her desire? "Chai! r u playing ni? Koye mi rara"

SubuhanaLLAH. Olohun ni mo fi bęyin, please stop complicating Islam. You are not up to it? Don't do it! Allow people that are capable of doing it to do it.

They will be saying stuffs like "I want to help the sister, that is why I wanted to marry her" With all due respect please keep qwayet. If you can't fulfil marriage conditions then help the sister without marriage.

You want evidence for that? Okay have this: After the battle of Uhud, there are alot of widows and men are encouraged to help widows. RasuluLLAH himself married our mother Zaynab bint Khazeemah. There was another woman Hamnah bint Jahsh, RasuluLLAH only sympathized with her and he made dua'a for her. And she was blessed with Talhah bn Abdullah as husband.

By inference RasuluLLAH helped a woman by marriage and another woman by Dua'a. So, it is not compulsory that you help widows with kids by marriage if you can't fulfill the conditions of marriage. Give them money or make dua'a. Those are also valid ways of helping people.

In conclusion, don't marry if you can't fulfill the conditions of marriage, it is a sin.

Disclaimer: This is not an attack on polygyny. I am not emotionally charged while writing this. So be sure that this is from a neutral perspective.

© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

BismiLLAH

IN THE DEPTH OF THE HEART

Whatever you have within your mind will be a reflection of how you see people's utterances and actions.


Take for example if you hate yourself for your height or something. If anybody look at you with a not so nice looks. Your mind will AUTOMATICALLY start generating conclusions, simply because you have a preconceived conception. Your mind will be generating things like "she is looking down on me because I am too short" You are concluding for everyone because you are oversensitive about your height and you are not admitting it. You need to heal yourself.

If you have an excessively dark skin and you love it like crazy and you won't want any other skin. When people mock you it will sound like compliment to you. Lolest. After you realize that all those comments were mockery and not compliments it will still be funny to you, why are people not jealous of your RICH skin. Because you have this weird idea that you are blessed with the best of skins even the meanest mockery will sound like jealousy to you. Okay you might think it's weird but actually you are generating conclusions from a preconceived notion in your head, you are generating conclusions for everyone's comments.

What is my point?? Well, some second wives unconsciously blame themselves for the hurt of the first wife and her pain. They guilt trip themselves that they are indeed wicked for bringing such hardships upon a sister. They think within their head without even realizing it that "had I not shown up a sister won't have been in such distraught" They blame themselves for the consideration of divorce by the first wife. But subtle blames, unconscious blames. They try to make themselves feel better by saying THIS IS ALLOWED IN ISLAM. SHE IS SELFISH. WANT FOR YOURSELF WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR SISTER. SHE IS JUST MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT FOR EVERYONE. YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU!!!

They also need help - the second wives I mean, but they don't realize it. The hardship that the first wife passes through is too much for them. Hence they blame themselves for it. And they go on the defensive EVERYTIME. They have some preconceived notions that "they are to be blamed" hence they conclude for everyone's "supposed judgement of them". ANYTHING that is not supporting their feelings nor blaming the first wife is an attack on them.
SubuhanAllah.

My dearest sisters in Islam know that you are not to be blamed. Most first wives will blame you for being the source of their hurt. If Sarah, the wife of prophet Ibrahim alayhi salaam suggested Hajar and can't bear Hajar with her skyrocketing Imaan and Taqwa, then WOMEN generally can't, except with VERY rare exceptions. So if you're entering as a second wife these are some of the REALITIES of polygyny. You have to be sure you are up to it before you venture in.


Now, does the fact that the first wife blame you means you are to be blamed? NO, in fact a GIANT NO. You have to know that no matter how pious she is and how much she fights the shaytan, this "not so impressive" thought WILL cross her mind. Some firsts wives are wounded lioness and they destroy in their hurts. Is their bad behavior excusable? NO. But its inevitable in most cases, so if you are going for polygyny BE SURE THAT you can stand all of these. If Aisha R A whom ALLAH revealed verses about her chastity and Zaynab bint Jahsh whose marriage was commanded by ALLAH Himself, If both of them could raise voices against each other using harsh words in the presence of the prophet SallalAhu alayhi wa salaam so which "exceptions" are you looking for in an ordinary Muslimah? If you are entering as a second wife you have to be sure you are up to all the challenges that WILL come TO BE. Don't expect imaginary serenity and angelic acceptance. You have to accept the difficulty of polygyny the moment you choose polygyny.

But please for ALLAH 's sake do not blame yourself for ANYTHING, because in the sight of ALLAH you are doing NO wrong by being a second wife. ALLAH knows that the first wife will be in difficulty yet He permitted polygyny in His perfection. A first wife's difficulty is her trial that is specific to her ONLY. And Allah will not try anyone except that He has made a way to ease for them. Accepting THE REALITY of polygyny is different from blaming yourself for the first wife's pain. I beg, STOP blaming yourself, and be in peace within yourself. Eliminate the preconceived conception that you are to be blamed, you will stop being defensive, and you will attain peace within In sha ALLAH. And ALLAH knows best.

HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

May ALLAH increase His peace on the one whose name have been on earth before his existence and the one whose name remains after his departure, His beloved An-Nabi Muhammad, Salalahu alayhi wasalaam.

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Marriage is work, polygynous marriage is more work

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BismiLLAH

SHOULD I MARRY A SECOND WIFE.

polygyny

The article you are about to read is my reaction to a complexity that arises in polygyny. Let me do copy and paste for your enjoyment.

I think I should use this moment to say this. Men have higher sexual drives than women it is proven in Surah An Nisa when ALLAH says men are WEAK. You can check the tefsir I think that should be verse 24, now almighty ALLAH permits men to take up to four eives not because one can't be enough to satisfy them sexually but because he gave them MORE trial as regarding guarding their private parts, so He in His infinite mercy gave them an EVEN way out. Well, while they will have no excuse as to why they do not guard their private part ALLAH also made the permissibility a means to social security in cases where there are more women than men due to various reasons maybe war or other factors. However exercising self control is BETTER even when the man have higher drive but he is financially incapacitated.
It is clearly wrong for men to be doing free mixing with opposite gender even under the pretense of dawah then when they start having desires then they go "well I am permitted to have another wife." That is laughable because married women also get desires for other men but they do seek forgiveness and work on themselves to overcome the desire. What most men don't know is that it is HARAM to marry another wife when you have not done serious introspection and ascertained that YES "I am capable of being just" Why do people skip this part? ALLAH says if you FEAR that you will not be just then ONLY ONE. Why do people skip this part and take it with levity? huh? Some men are WEAK meaning they can easily be manipulated by the difficult wife and they won't be able to be just. They will want to please the troublesome wife more. So you have to be sure that you are MAN enough to not let anybody deter you from justice. I know a man whose favorite wife is the most troublesome. She grows up in polygyny and have this distorted way of thinking that marriage is all about competition for the man's attention because that is what she grows up experiencing from her mothers. So she was equipped with VARIOUS SKILLS of competition. SubuhanAllah, however the first wife grow up without a Mum but her stepmother is very good to her. So she doesn't know about the tactics to cower a man. AlhamduliLAHI, the man despite his preference for the tactical wife is still able to be FIRM although he makes little mistakes here and there but overall he is doing well. So as a man you need to be sure that you will be FIRM, otherwise you will not be just. And you must make sure that you are financially capable, you don't just get desires and start pursuing mathna wa thulatha wa ruba'a. Because almighty ALLAH says to control your desire is better for the man who is not financially capable of marrying for the first time. A man that has the financial capability but he is fearing poverty is advised to go ahead for the marriage and ALLAH promises to enrich him from His mercy. The fact that polygyny is PERMISSIBLE doesn't mean you start pursuing it if you are going to subject your kids to a life without education and your wives to NIGHTS with hunger striking.

Polygyny is PREFERRED-MUSTAHABB for a man who is CERTAIN that he will be just and he is financially capable. Because if men like that don't pursue it then weak men will.
While polygyny can be MUSTAHABB (SUNNAH) and HARAM or MAKRUH (DISLIKED) or Wajib(compulsory- for a man who is CERTAIN he will commit zina without it) it GENERAL rule in shariah is MUBAHAA PERMISSIBLE.

In conclusion, you should not start pursuing polygyny simply because you have desires, you MUST examine yourself first and realize that you are up to it before going for it.

May ALLAH grant us success and happiness in this life and the hereafter. Amin.

HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@hamidahbintabbas.com

BismiLLAH

Polygyny

POLYGYNY; A FIRST WIFE'S TRIAL

If your husband needs another wife and he knows it will terribly hurt you, yet he is asking you to find him a wife then that is wickedness and lack of mercy and he will answer to ALLAH except he is forgiven, because men are commanded to treat their wives with mercy.

****When the prophet SallalAhu alayhi wa salaam married Safeeyah Bint Huyay R A, Aisha R A got extremely hurt and said some not so good things about Safeeyah Bint Huyay R A, the messenger of ALLAH, SallalAhu alayhi wa salaam draw Aisha to himself and comforted her, completely understanding the validity of her pain.

***Sheikh Salih Al Fawzaan said the hurt, difficulty and pain women show during the time of the husband marrying another person is not a sign of depletion of Imaan nor Taqwa, it is NORMAL.

***It is not the fault of the second wife because she has done nothing wrong in ALLAH 's sight and it is not the fault of the husband because he has done nothing wrong in the sight of ALLAH, neither is it the fault of the first wife because what she is going through is peculiar and specific to her.

***It is her trial not the husband's trial nor the second wife's trial if she let her hurt lead to her misbehavior then she is sinning and if she BEAR it she is earning reward.

***While she is hurting the newly married will be in honeymoon. They are doing NO wrong. A first wife should realize at this moment that her shaytan will visit her more often in her time of trial almost everything will be tempting her to do evil.

****Some women successfully fights the shaytan while MOST fail. Narrated by Aisha R A the prophet SallalAhu alayhi wa salaam said every human being have their own shaytan. We should note that the shaytan attacks more when we are hurting and in anger. Polygyny brings hurt and raw anger to an appreciable number of women. If your shaytan over powers you as the first wife it is your failure. And if you overpower it, it is your success. Nobody will share in the reward of your success nor punishment of your failure. This is a trial relating to you ONLY.

The second wife and the husband have to know that their sister in Islam is undergoing a trial in her religion so they should support her.
However women are different. Allah is a perfector of everything. HE made polygyny permissible so in His infinite mercy HE created women who can bear it and even women who desires it.

© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

May ALLAH grant victory to our sisters all over the world, that are being oppressed, terrorized and traumatized by the Kuffar simply because of their Hijab. They terrorize us then call us terrorists. Ya ALLAH, please deal with the Oppressors. Aamin.

Asalamu alayku, viewers, how are you doing?

Well done op for this, you did a great job

Jazakhallah Khairan....nice piece

ANOTHER LIESpost=61597120:
May ALLAH grant victory to our sisters all over the world, that are being oppressed, terrorized and traumatized by the Kuffar simply because of their Hijab. They terrorize us then call us terrorists. Ya ALLAH, please deal with the Oppressors. Aamin.

Lies from the pit of hell

Yh, salam alaikum

A piece of advice is needed for a Muslim

He married a Christian after she promised to join Islam , she later did not, after several plea from the husband, she still refused, the husband took another (Muslim) wife but unfortunately she died after 10 years with 2 kids , he now turned to the first wife agian and begged her to join islam but she refuses and even vowed to die rather than joining islam, so he left her alone but not happy because the said first wife is a deeper life member who doesnt even believe in prayer for dead love ones ,now in his early fortys , he has decided to leave the house he built for her and to now look for a new Muslim wife and build another house then go with the two kids left by her late muslim wife, he then will plan to woo the children from the first wife to islam as they grow up, one of them is grown up and finalist in the university but practicing islam, while three others are small and dont know about islam but church,

Can he go ahead with his plan? Or what's the best way out, I would have created a topic on it but the wife is a nairalander and he wouldn't want her to know his plans,

Thank you all as you comment

nuruoniwo:
Yh, salam alaikum

A piece of advice is needed for a Muslim

He married a Christian after she promised to join Islam , she later did not, after several plea from the husband, she still refused, the husband took another (Muslim) wife but unfortunately she died after 10 years with 2 kids , he now turned to the first wife agian and begged her to join islam but she refuses and even vowed to die rather than joining islam, so he left her alone but not happy because the said first wife is a deeper life member who doesnt even believe in prayer for dead love ones ,now in his early fortys , he has decided to leave the house he built for her and to now look for a new Muslim wife and build another house then go with the two kids left by her late muslim wife, he then will plan to woo the children from the first wife to islam as they grow up, one of them is grown up and finalist in the university but practicing islam, while three others are small and dont know about islam but church,

Can he go ahead with his plan? Or what's the best way out, I would have created a topic on it but the wife is a nairalander and he wouldn't want her to know his plans,

Thank you all as you comment

Since he wanted a Muslim wife, why didn't he go for one at first?

Why Muslims always make it seem true, the allegations that Muslims are on an agenda is what I don't understand.

Which. Agenda, I think its the Christian wife that has the Agenda you are talking about, she promised and now failing after he has married her and built her a house
Pls a candid advice is what is needed here!

saolab:
Well done op for this, you did a great job

Shukran for the comment, I really appreciate.

Tamass:
Jazakhallah Khairan....nice piece

wa iyyakum. Shukran

Now that Nairaland has added an Islamic confession to my profile does that make me a Muslim?

Hahahahahahahahaha

Back to topic...

Why would I even contemplate marrying another wife if the first wife does not even want to hear there is a side chic?

@op, you have done a good work in all the posts but kindly offer an advice for a fellow Muslim with the true life story I wrote, thank you

Islam actually acknowledges women will be jealous to the point of dangerous at sharing a man yet still prescribes polygamy ? Anything to make men happy , women can be as unhappy as they want , that’s their problem .

BismiLLAH

Brother nuruoniwo may ALLAH guide you to the best.

Before I start, getting married to the people of the book, that is Jews and Christians is permissible in Islam. [al-Maa'idah 5:4]. While Marriage to idol worshipers is completely forbidden. [al-Baqarah 2:221]

It is not compulsory that your wife should accept Islam, but it is a MUST that you should pay attention to the religion of your children and ensure that they practice Al-Islam. That is an obligation binding on you.

I really commend your determination to ensure that your children practice Al-Islam, that is the right step to take for verily by Allah, you will be questioned about them by ALLAH, so you should buckle down and pray for guidance from ALLAH regarding the guidance of your kids.

I will give you a tool that that will never make your efforts fail, that is TAHAJJUD. Wake up in the third part of the night and call to your creator. He will answer you as promised.

As regards your explanation that your wife refuse to accept Islam, even after promising to do so, that is deception and one of the complications that comes with marrying from among the nonbelievers. You have already made the mistake so I can't advise you not to marry from among them. It is permissible but stressful and filled with uncertainty. You are already living it, that is an advice to Brothers to avoid this act as much as they can.

As for the way you handled the situation by persuading and not forcing your wife to accept Islam, I commend you for adhering to the instructions from ALLAH that "let there be no compulsion in religion" [al - Baqara 2:256] I say to you do not give up hope on the mercy of ALLAH, your wife may still see the light of Islam, if ALLAH wills.

Now to your question. You want to live separately away from your wife because of her religion. That means by implication you will not be fulfilling her conjugal rights to her as your wife, her rights to maintenance, her rights to companionship and all other of such rights. As far as I know this is a sin in Islam, you are not allowed to remain married to her while you don't give her, her rights. It is either you divorce her in good terms, (note I say good terms because ALLAH instructs us to divorce in good terms in Surah At-Talaq) or you make her aware of your plans to live separately from her, if she agrees to it then you are not sinning.

You may want to argue that she is the one causing all of these by promising to convert but failing in her promise, hence she is a deceiver and evil doer. You might even argue that if she had been truthful and refused to give false promise you would not have married her.

They (the disbelievers) are not our teachers, the fact that she did wrong is not a license for you to do wrong in return.

I understand that you want to raise those two kids from your deceased wife (May ALLAH grant her Jannah) in an Islamic home. But won't that mean that you are leaving your other kids in the danger of disbelief?

Are they going to real Islamic schools, where they are learning Tawheed in details? Are they in boarding school? Are you very close to them as a father? Do you play with them and tell them stories? Do they ever tell you what is bothering them? Do you ever teach them the religion?

Answer those questions honestly, decide on what to do and turn to ALLAH for guidance.
I can't really directly answer your questions. I can't tell you to go ahead with your plans. I can only tell you to do great introspection and consult with ALLAH.
May ALLAH grant you happiness and success.

In conclusion, brothers in Islam, it is permissible to marry the women of the books (jews and Christians) but the calamity behind it is not funny. The stress and lack of mind rest is not a joking manner.

May ALLAH guide us to the best.

And ALLAH knows best.

HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

BismiLLAH

THIS SECTION OF NAIRALAND IS TAGGED "ISLAM FOR MUSLIM"

So as a reminder, whatever we discuss on this blog is only for those that are Muslims. It can only be of benefits to the Muslims

If I start analyzing Agricultural Meteorological data and a language expert insist on making inputs, it is clear to the blind and loud to the deaf that the language expert will only look like a completely Mentally disabled person by commenting on that which he does not understand.

Nairaland founders have realized that Muslims are always attacked while discussing their faith. Hence they create a personal sector for them to share their faith with no fear of attack. But it is disheartening that liars and law breaking people will always remain one even after all efforts to redeem them.

What is so bad in Medical Doctors asking Engineers not to have a say in their profession? We the Muslims have asked the nonMuslims not to join us while discussing our faith. This is an honourable request for those who have honour to protect. It is absolutely no insult to the engineer's personality that the doctors have refused their inputs in their professions, for verily they are experts in different fields. It is only self respect and intelligence generated from understanding that makes the engineers stay out of the doctors affair.

The doctors found out that some Engineers are so problematic and will not stay out of where they are not wanted, hence they ask them to stick a declarations to their clothes for a week that they are truly truly doctors. Despite this, some completely shameless individuals still lied and stick the affirmations to their clothes. They are so rotten that they even feel no shame to admit that they are indeed liars.

Such is the similitude of nairalanders that penetrate a section wherein they are not allowed, for they are known with gross intolerance and the talent of attacking a set of Nigerians simply because we are MUSLIMS.

All efforts to protect us against this vampires have failed.

Oro yin ole dun mi, by their desperation you will understand their hate.

Be sure that I won't dignify any of you with a reply.

HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@hamidahbintabbas.com

@9geria

Your points are well understood, i really appreciate your time , I think a discussion with her to taking another Muslim wife will be considered because she has vowed never to become a Muslim and it will be very difficult for all the kids to become muslims as construction jobs often take the man outside location , he comes home fortnightly, and very shallow in islamic practices

Moreso, the psychological effect of the wife believe that prayers for dead loved ones are not necessary calls for the invitation of a woman that shares same understanding with the husband on such matter.

However the Tahajud activities will be taken seriously before finally deciding eventually

Thank you very much, may Almighty Allah increase you in wisdom.

BISMILLAH

THE STOVE

PART 1

The weather was dry and hot causing a great deal of sweating but I am not done until I get to the root of the matter. I will never leave the word --- stove alone. In my quest to comfort myself I lay down on my back to allow the fairly cool and sweet flour seep through my being to relieve the effect of the dry weather. I re-positioned my phone and dropped my pen and jotter by my side all in a quest to get to the root of the word – stove.

You might be wondering, what am I talking about? Well, I am just trying to let you know how crazy I can go whenever I am curious about a subject matter, no matter how harsh or unfavourable the factors seems I will never stop until ALLLAH, grants me understanding from His mercy.

What exactly happened was that I was reading through a file and I came across the word stove, something catches my attention and the attention turns to curiosity.

From that point on, I know I am in trouble because if I don’t satisfy my curiosity I definitely cannot function again. And as such my journey into researching the origin of the word stove began. I read and I read and I write extensively to analyze and understand. Hence I couldn’t suspend my research when the weather is not suitable for studying. Such is my nature.

Anything that I am curious about, I can research on it for as long as I am able to get to the root of the matter, if I don’t dig it to the bottom, I won’t be able to do any other thing.

So why am I telling you all these boring history? Well, I just want you to understand how magnanimous my curiousity for researching about women in Islam must have been and how I became interested in polygyny, divorce and marriage. It is just a curiousity bestowed by ALLAH.

The very first set of research material I read were the Qur’an, Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, in my Junior Secondary School on a device called Eureka Digital Qur’an. The next thing I started doing was perusing my Dad’s book shelf, I started reading Tafsir Ibn Kathir, Volume 1 – 10, Muwatta Imam Malik etc. In short, I have to satisfy my curiousity. I pick the books go through the table of contents and read chapters that will likely satisfy my curiousity. My thoughts became so wild that I started to write to analyze my thoughts. But, just like all I have written on stove and other topics that I have been curious about, I kept it all away, they are my little secrets. I mean I may become sick from embarrassment if someone should read my analyzed thoughts. So I kept it all away.

To find out why I have finally decided to write, and much more, watch out for PART 2 of THE STOVE

Allahuma Salli ala Muhammad wa ala alli Muhammad

*HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS*

@ hamidahBintAbbas.com

*******************
O ALLAH, ease the affairs of the people on the hospital bed, and grant them health from your mercy. Amin.

Walaykum salaam warahmotuLLAHI wabaratu to your teslim Bro nuriowo, and amin wa anta to your dua.

The brother have to do what he has to do with wisdom, the nature of his work is no excuse to not fully guide his children to Islam.

Almighty ALLAH is in charge of all affairs, turn to Him and seek for guidance. May ALLAH grant us success.

BISMILLAH

THE STOVE

PART 2

After my Senior Secondary education I went to a computer training college, then, my love for digital books resurrected because I started studying from a digital device in my journey to satisfy my curiousity. I felt at home to be back with digital resources for studying basically from authentic websites because I did come across some websites that quotes the words of renowned scholars out of context just like we have some books in our midst that seems to represent Islam but they are actually the mercenary of the Kaafir.

I found out a lot of interesting realities that somehow have been lost in our society today. I mean whenever I read some pages in Zaad Al Maad or Fath Al Barr, Mehn, I will read it like four times. In fact, sometimes I ask people with the hard copies to confirm for me because I fear that maybe the soft copies I read have been altered. I don’t know how exactly we were not made aware of these facts. I mean I don’t know why all these narrations are not popular within our Islamic community today. Koye mi rara.

I basically debated myself for so many years, should I write? Should I not write? I basically fear opposition that will come up if I should write. I mean people will accuse me of so many things. I mean I told myself several times that “O girl, you are not qualified” For the sake of Allah, why am I telling you super story?

Again, why am I writing THE STOVE? I am writing this so that people will clearly understand where am coming from. I mean some people accuse me of copying and pasting. Lolz, Nigba ti won o so paa mi, I mean when e no be like say dem fart for inside my nostrils, why will I be sitting down and typing all over again what has been already typed at so many places on the internet, take for example, I want to quote Qur’an 4:3, will I start typing all over? Mehn, honestly I don’t have any talent for energy wasting.

So, XYZ said “your writing is soooo boring, why do you always quote classical text. I beg say what you want to say and stop forming Miss Know-all.” Hahahaha, laugh wan scatter me here o. I have made the mistake of writing without quoting classical text before and I know how many days of argument and accusation I suffered, I am not threading that path again In Sha Allah.

With all due respect, please note that I am a fan of the father of fathers of programmers, Al-Khawarizm (Algorithm) I mean I am only showing respect to him whenever I use copy and paste mechanism that the student of his students invents. I cannot come and go and stress myself. I only cut and paste quotes from classical text I will never copy the intellectual work of anyone.

As such you will have to bear with me and read a lot of quotes from scholars and their interpretation from scholars. I am not explaining anything from my understanding; I am only risking criticism from people and trying to earn some rewards from ALLAH, by bringing to your notice narratives that have been lost in our society today.

ALLAHuma Sali ala Muhammadin wa ala alli Muhammad.

© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahBintAbbas.com

May *ALLAH* ease the affairs of all pregnant women and all women in labour across the world. May Allah reward you all abundantly for the Jihad.

Wanna find out about the realities that people of knowledge have not ever made us aware of??

Join me on this thread in few hours to come In sha Allah.

Signed, HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS
@ hamidahbintabbas.com

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*HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS*
@ hamidahBintAbbas.com