Chapter one

THE SECOND time I stared death in the face, albeit from a distance, was when my wife died. The first had been my father, and I hadn't know him much.

For the past two weeks I'd been coming to St. Tonia Memorial hospital. And each day, for those two measly weeks, I'd always thought, hopefully, maybe this is the day, the day she'll pull out of this.
The day we can all go home. I had a deep feeling though, a nagging skepticism that seemed to tell me : maybe this is the day, you know, the day she finally goes; the day you finally lose her. I think, somehow, I believed that one.
I looked around the hospital ward and found a folding chair. I picked it up and placed it close to her bed.
The ward felt quiet to me. The air was thick with the smell of medicines and disinfectants, the fan on the ceiling whirled slowly and soft music spilled out of a radio nearby.
On a normal day I would have felt repulsed by the hospital and everything about it (I'd always had a certain dread for hospitals), and looking around now, I could still feel that dread. But this was anything but a normal day. For one, I'd spent the last eight hours in this hospital - a personal record I'd been breaking since that day two weeks ago. I remembered that day clearly. Who would forget it?
It had been a Thursday. I had to get off work early.

"My wife is not too strong," I'd told my Boss. He had nodded and told me to take the rest day off. I was not one to lie with my wife's name. I loved her too much, and he knew.

"I Hope it's nothing serious?" He asked me, a look of genuine concern on his face. I smiled, and said "It's nothing serious."
Boy, did I turn out to be a poor prophet.
During my drive home, I kept saying it's nothing serious. Maybe because that was what I chose to believe. My home was situated in a nice, quiet(maybe too quiet) neighborhood. A nice middle-to- high income earners estate. It was a lemon coloured three bedroom bungalow, with it's own gate and a garage.
As I drove into the compound, a certain silence greeted me. Now, I wasn't one for premonitions and such, so I shrugged it off. Usually the sound of cartoons could be heard once in the compound. Maybe Amy was asleep, or my wife is probably making her do her home work. Yes, that has to be it.
Again, I proved poor at this guessing stuff.
I parked the car in the garage and walked up the steps to the front door. I wanted to knock but the door pushed open on the first contact with my hand.
"Hello? I'm home." I walked into the luxuriously furnished living room. The T.V was on, cartoons, but it was muted. Odd.
I walked towards the hallway and I heard my daughter talking in her sweet childish voice. Her voice was coming from the kitchen, She was telling a story; 'and then the lion said to the mouse...' I smiled, and walked towards the kitchen.
What I saw made my heart stop......

"Mr. William!" I shook from my reverie, and turned; a nurse was smiling at me. For a moment I wondered where I was, and then I saw her on the bed, tubes running all over her body. It was still real.

"Yes, please." I said, trying to focus on the nurse.
"The Doctor would like to see you." The nurse said.
I nodded, and followed her. The Doctor's office was a floor up. I knocked and pushed my way in. The Doctor looked up from
what he was doing, and smiled.
"Mr. William, please sit." He motioned me to a chair. I sat.
The Doctor was a man in his fifties. Plump and balding. He had a pleasant look on his face, enough to reassure even an AIDS patient of recovery.
He removed the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose and placed it on the desk. His hands were crossed.
"Mr. William, are you alright?" He asked, like we've been friends forever.
I shrugged, "Yes." I wasn't. Nothing was alright. Nothing has been alright since then. I remembered again...
I stood still, transfixed, hoping that I was dreaming. Amy, my little girl, was curled up beside her unconscious mother. I looked around, there were broken pieces of ceramic plates everywhere. I gasped, and she looked at me.

"Daddy!" She said, and ran up to me. She had tears in her eyes, but she obviously didn't know how serious this all was.
"What-what happened?"
"Mommy was washing some plates when she fell down. I told her to wake up, but she wouldn't. So, I'm telling her a story, like you do, so that she will sleep well."
"But-how long hav...."

I heard my name again :"Mr William!" I shook back to reality.
The Doctor looked at me for a long while, and I think he understood. He'd seen them all; the soft-grievers, the intense ones, and the family members relieved to see a pain disappear.
This one, though, was in a category of his own.
"I'm sorry I don't have good news, Mr william."
I nodded. Somehow I'd expected that.
He proceeded to go into a speech filled with medical jargons. I wasn't listening.
"The tumor has eaten its way into her heart, and-Mr.william?"
"I'm sorry Doctor. Can you just give it to me straight?"
"Alright. I'm afraid she doesn't have much longer."
"How long?"
"A few days. One week at most."
"Thank you, Doc."

****
I looked at her as she lay on the bed, on her sick-bed. I shivered at the thought of the word 'sick-bed'. She was dying, and in the past two weeks I'd know it. I just didn't choose to accept it. Had I known sooner, maybe the tumor wouldn't have gone so far.
She looked pale and the color of her skin flushed, a mere shadow of her old self. I'd give anything  to have this shadow with me for all eternity- a beggar's wish.
Her breathing was laboured and her chest rose unevenly with each breath she took. It has been 2 weeks now and her condition was deteriorating rapidly, faster than I could accept.
I had been married to Angela now for 8 years and this looked to be the last year, beyond all doubt. I've heard of something called faith, my Mother was a strong Christian, but I didn't really believe so much in it. Angela was the Christian between us, she hadn't been able to convert me before our marriage but for the few occasions when she managed to drag me to church once or twice in a month. I didn't pray, I couldn't pray, I just didn't know how.
Miracles weren't real to me, they weren't logical, such irrelevant rituals and ideologies, I'd always thought. I guess I was too much of a rationalist.
But, sitting here, looking at her now, I felt a strong urge to pray and I sincerely hoped for a miracle, I ran my fingers across her hair; dry and stringy. Tears streamed down my eyes, so beautiful, I thought , the only love I'd ever had.
"...Till death do you part?"
"I do."
Curse whoever added that exit clause to the 'blessed' union called marriage.
She opened her eyes painfully, and with so much strained energy she said over a wary voice:
"Please don't cry, my love, have faith .It'll be alright"
Her voice was shaky. She looked like a ghost, with the tubes stuck into her veins, dripping whatever it was they put in those bags.
I looked at her, seeing the tears in her eyes and feeling the pain in her voice, she didn't believe what she said. It wasn't going to be alright, but I couldn't make her feel any worse, so I said:
"Alright, I believe, surely your God can help us, he does those sort of things right?"
She smiled, a faint smile. "It's bad isn't it?"
I shook my head.
She coughed, "How bad is it?"
"Forget about that now, rest. It'll be alright soon." What I really meant by that was I hope she will be peaceful in heaven.
She cut me short, and gripped my hands with all her strength; a feeble grip. she motioned me closer, I leaned in and she whispered:
"Take care of Amy for Us. The little angel reads me stories. I'll miss her."
I knew this was almost it, I stood up slowly and went to the door and called Mother. She came along, carrying our five year old daughter.
"Mommy, when are you coming home?"- she asked innocently. I stood behind, I know I couldn't bear this, it felt like an episode from those touchy soaps I hated to watch.
Angela smiled with effort, trying to mask the pain from her daughter,
"Soon baby"-she said, and paused to inhale, then she continued; "...can you make mommy a pinky promise ?"-She asked as she stretched out her quivering pinky to my little girl.
"Yes mommy"- Amy said smiling, showing off her newly fallen teeth. I wondered if she had any idea what was going on, probably not. And I thought of how I would explain to her that mommy was never coming back home.
Angela looked at me with sadness in her eyes and then at her daughter, she took in a deep breath and said:
" promise me that you will be a good girl, a strong girl and that you will take care of Daddy for me."
Amy looked at me with innocent eyes, a strange request, she obviously didn't understand what was going on and why mommy had asked to make such a promise, but she couldn't resist a good bargain, so she locked her pinky with that of her mom and said 'I promise'.
Amy embraced her and said, "I can't wait for you to come home, mommy."
"Me too." She replied.
Me too, I thought.
I looked at Mother, she had tears on her eyes.
She said a short prayer, and ended with "God bless you my child." And she ushered Amy out.
She coughed violently, and smiled at me. That was it, the final goodbye, she leaned back into the bed, and drifted off to sleep.
I stayed by her bed till eleven p.m.
Mother came into the ward and told me that I needed to get some rest. I told her that I was okay. I planned to rest there. She  didn't argue, instead she  asked me to drive them home. When we got home, I stayed in the car while they went in. I Promised to call if anything came up.
I hoped nothing would.
As I walked back to her ward, my heart kept beating hard for some reason.
When I pushed open the door to the ward, I saw the Doctor and a nurse beside her bed.
The Doctor was just wrapping his stethoscope and then he nodded to the nurse.
I stood by the door, watching as the nurse carefully threw the green cover over her face.
At first I didn't understand. Then it dawned on me; she was dead. I thought of the Doctor's words:
"..a few days. One week at most."
What happened to the one week at most, why now?
Whatever happened in the hours that followed that event became bleak to me.

PREVIEW DOWNLOAD LINK: [url]http://okadabooks.com/book/about/insomnia/15951
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I like this. Well done man.

Centino:
I like this. Well done man.

Thank you.
I'm glad you do.�

Cool

So touching n painful. nice one

Is that sll

zesh:
Is that sll

No.
I want to get feedbacks before uploading more chapters.

cyndy1000:
So touching n painful. nice one

Thanks, it is nice, huh?

I'll get out new chapters soon.

Chukswrites:
Thanks, it is nice, huh?
I'll get out new chapters soon.

Yes absolutely .mention me when you start

CHAPTER TWO


I writhed and turned a lot as I slept. I was asleep, I think I knew that, but  I couldn't see anything. It felt weird, the sleep, no images just a blank space as though I had a black cloth wrapped tightly around my face. And then there's that headache;  it felt like, with  each breath, a hammer was been lowered on my head and then stepped on.
I woke up gasping, sweat pouring over my body. I looked around; I was in my bedroom with no memory, whatsoever, of  how I got here. I stood still, listening, thinking What was I missing–and then, oh, no, she's gone. I buried my head in my palm, not weeping, just moaning painfully.
I think my sounds attracted Mother because she was in the room in moments.
*snap* She turned on the lights and I winced. I looked up at Mother, I could tell she'd been crying, but I had the feeling she was crying for me, her son, losing a loved one at such an age. Something she was all so familiar with; when Father died.
"Look at your body, you are sweating so much," She said, her voice choked with concern.
I shifted my gaze between Mother and my soaked shirt, saying nothing.
"Take off your shirt." She said, helping me out of my shirt–it was my childhood all over again. She dumped the drenched shirt in the laundry hamper, and switched on the fan. I relaxed as I felt the cool breeze stir around the room, Angela hated sleeping with the fan on. I became restless, squirming where I was. How exactly does one deal with a loss?.. I made a mental note to find such book. I still hadn't uttered a word.
Mother was watching me intently, obviously worried. This wasn't her lively boy. I could read the expression on her face, so  I thought,  let me do us both some good, and I tried to stand on my feet.
One moment I was scrambling awkwardly on my feet, the next I was down on my knees, my head falling off..damned headache, and my back hurt, what the hell?. I really need to get that book.
Mother let out a short gasp and reached for me. I think I smiled. I sure am handling this perfectly, I thought wryly. Mother smiled too, a faint smile, an I-understand-how-you-feel smile. Love you Mom.
"Sit still let me get you some drugs." She helped me to my feet and sat me on a couch by the wall.
She came back a minute later with two caplets of acetaminophen and a glass of water.
I stared at the drugs in my hand, surely she doesn't expect me to take this.
"Take it!" Mother snapped. I was behaving like a big baby.
The drugs helped. I managed to stand without tripping, and the hammer in my head had changed to soft pillows. There was still a throbbing, though.
****
It was a dark day for me, the day of the funeral, and it was not because it rained– alot by the way– but simply because my life was over. I had now taken a new title; widower.
Mother, bless her, handled the funeral preparations. Planning a funeral, to me, simply meant accepting that my wife was really gone. Maybe this was all a dream, like those dreams that seem so real, and seem to last forever and then you wake up from it. Yeah–this could all be a dream, a really bad dream.
But, why then was I in a black suit, surrounded by vaguely familiar faces, listening to Rev.Simon(Mother's Reverend) who was going on and on about life after death, and a better place and the pain ultimately going away? Shows what he knows, I scoffed.
This was as real as it gets. She's in there, I thought looking at the brown Casket on the ground. Is she?
I bowed my head, my left hand in my pocket, and my right hand adjusting the dark sunglasses over my eyes(Mother's idea). I was trying to look strong, and failing at it.
I think I heard my name. I turned, fifty or so pair of eyes glued to me. They wanted me to say something, but I hadn't the faintest idea what. Mother came to my rescue.
"Do you want to say a few words, honey?" She asked. I looked up at her, and then the memories.
" ..aw..that's so pitiful. Will, if I ever die please don't go crying and throwing earth on my casket, or saying all those pathetic last words."
We both had a good laugh about that. Now it's real.
"No." I said, and turned away. She wasn't dead, so why should I go saying last words?
I didn't watch when her body was lowered into the earth.  I was suddenly angry at the world, at life, why should she have gone? she was so young, so good.
I looked up into the sky; you're supposed to be fair, to be just. But that's all fad, isn't it? A just God my foot, I spat.
I walked over to where my little girl, who was confused at why all those people were crying, sat with some relations and I carried her. I damn well yanked her out of the hands of some second cousin I'd never met before. She was mine, my own.  No one has the right to take her, not even death–oh she looked so much like her mother. Everyone at the funeral kept their eyes locked on me as I held on to my daughter tightly, she was all I had left. I was really the picture of a grieving husband, but not the typical one. I might as well have gone nuts with the way they stared at me.
I placed her on her feet and, holding her hands, led her to the car. I didn't cry that day. I didn't have to. Somewhere, deep in my mind, I felt that going through those charades–crying, and last words– meant I'd really lost her. I wasn't ready to accept that just yet. I was wound that tight.
Amy looked at me and asked:
"Daddy, did mommy go to heaven?" I felt my heart squeeze and then shatter.
"Yes baby, she's in heaven now." I looked up, I hope.
"Why did she go, Is she mad at us?, Can I go with her?"
"No! I–uh–I mean No sweetie," I said,  shocked at my own voice, "You'll stay herevwith me, won't you ?"—I was sincerely scared.
She nodded, " Yes Daddy, but I'll miss mommy. But, I'm glad you're still here with me."
" Me too."
****
THE WEATHER was getting increasingly bad, I drove slowly, thinking of the future. I looked at Amy as she slept peacefully in the back seat and I made up my mind never to let her go through such pain as I did. I just didn't know how I planned to do it.
I drove the car into the compound and parked under a shade of trees. I sat still, motionless, deep in thoughts. The compound was full of people, sympathizers. I hated those.
I must have received about a hundred hugs and handshakes. Everyone I knew was there, and then there was the people that  I didn't even know(they seemed to grieve the hardest). Even the guys at the office, I was touched.
Felix, my best friend and partner at the office was waiting for me. We'd been best friends since Fresh man year at the University College. He had known my wife almost as much as I did. He walked over to my car and opened the door, he looked genuinely concerned, what with me storming out of the funeral. I could see real pain in his face, unlike those mock sympathizers out there.
"How' you handling this,  brother?," He asked as he literally pulled me out of the car. He really shouldn't have asked. I looked shaken up.
I shrugged my shoulders, and opened the back door to get my daughter.
"I'll be fine"–I said. I didn't believe that.
Felix looked at me and could tell that I wouldn't be fine for at least another couple of months.
"I could arrange a leave for you at work you know, I'll put in a word for you"
"No!" –I nearly yelled, and then smiled, "I'll be just fine, I don't need a leave right now."
I really didn't know what I'd do with myself in the months to come, so a leave for me was definitely not an option, I needed the distraction of work.
"Are you sure?"
I sighed, "Yes."
A lady walked up to me and took the sleeping child from my arms, that was relieving–I hadn't really realized how big my girl had grown. I looked up at the sky, the clouds were dark and heavy with precipitation;  it would rain any moment now, something I would have enjoyed normally, but now the thought of falling water made me depressed.
"Goodbye for now, you'll always be in here."– I said, touching my chest. God, I was cheesy, but I meant it.
Felix, who had been watching me almost near the point of tears, thought alarmingly of the way I stared blankly at the sky without blinking.  Didn't heavy grievers have a high suicide rate? He shivered as the thought ran through his mind. No, I won't let that happen, I'll make sure I'm around him as often as I can.
"How about a drink?"– He asked me,
"Sure, I could use one"–I said.


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cyndy1000:




Yes absolutely .mention me when you start

Hey, Cyndy1000, you can easily get the free preview of the first few chapters right here:
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Be sure to leave a review.

[quote author=Chukswrites post=62038839][/quote]
Awww! I'm so sad right now. You write beautifully well

EvaJael:

Awww! I'm so sad right now. You write beautifully well

Hey, thanks Eva.
I appreciate.
Do share for me and tell people. Thanks.

Chukswrites:

Hey, thanks Eva.
I appreciate.
Do share for me and tell people. Thanks.

Queenitee my sisi
Cbella
Rachealfst
OluwabuqqyYOLO
Patotelli
Horladstar
Tohyin123
Jane1234f
Ikombe
Marianneada
Kimberlywest
Kimkardashain
Chumzypinky
Pynkylypz
Pearl05
Pinkfeet
Xtellijay
Y'all should come and read o.

Mehn this story can soften the hardest heart

EvaJael:
Queenitee my sisi Cbella Rachealfst OluwabuqqyYOLO Patotelli Horladstar Tohyin123 Jane1234f Ikombe Marianneada Kimberlywest Kimkardashain Chumzypinky Pynkylypz Pearl05 Pinkfeet Xtellijay Y'all should come and read o.

am here sis

Evajael thanks for the mention

Kimkardashain:

am here sis

fine gal

EvaJael:

Queenitee my sisi
Cbella
Rachealfst
OluwabuqqyYOLO
Patotelli
Horladstar
Tohyin123
Jane1234f
Ikombe
Marianneada
Kimberlywest
Kimkardashain
Chumzypinky
Pynkylypz
Pearl05
Pinkfeet
Xtellijay
Y'all should come and read o.

Thanks evajeal,am here nw

ikombe:
fine gal

lol, tnks hun

ikombe:


Mehn this story can soften the hardest heart

As in eh. No be lie my dear

Kimkardashain:

am here sis

Welcome sis.

ikombe:
Evajael thanks for the mention

Uwc dear

toyhin123:

Thanks evajeal,am here nw

Uwc darl

nice one

EvaJael:
Queenitee my sisi Cbella Rachealfst OluwabuqqyYOLO Patotelli Horladstar Tohyin123 Jane1234f Ikombe Marianneada Kimberlywest Kimkardashain Chumzypinky Pynkylypz Pearl05 Pinkfeet Xtellijay Y'all should come and read o.

Thanks swtz... I'm here now

spread mats

wao,this is good

Nice story.. Grieving for a loved one is hard so I can relate well to the story.

Chai

Too bad I wish I had the patience to read

Nice one anyway, the title alone sef