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Stats: 2,056,127 members, 4,425,136 topics. Date: Tuesday, 21 August 2018 at 08:24 PM
|The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 8:28pm On Nov 20, 2017|
How lovely look the twins
We call ‘Day’ and ‘Night’!
So identical, only that
One is dark, the other light.
They don’t quarrel, they don’t fight
Always in harmony,
They never fail to be at work
Though not for money .
Such a constant, enduring pair
Never late for duty;
When you look at each of them
You see a unique beauty.
While they work they keep silent
Perhaps they lack a tongue
And as all human beings get old
They are ever young!
11 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by Bishop4bella(m): 6:44am On Nov 25, 2017|
Wish me happy birthday all nairalanders for today my birthday...
Good write up
Click like for a successful year for you and I.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by GentleYoung(m): 6:50am On Nov 25, 2017|
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by candyguyofficia(m): 6:51am On Nov 25, 2017|
I have read this your piece more than 10 times. Despite it is written in line and stanza it seem more like an essay than poetry putting in mind that in poetry ideas and words are used in a manner that is suggestive. Too much surface meaning when compared with metaphorical meaning. In line 2 of the poem, one would have expected you to use an object or idea to symbolically represent "Day" and "Night"
The last stanza is cool but in the preceding stanza one would have expected more use of 'Use of contrast'. While making use of contrast you could be more favourably disposed to either Day or Night that has being symbolically represented.
The above is my critique of your work and this criticism is NOT meant to 'bad mouth' your piece but to pass judgement on it in a manner that is objective. Wouldn't be a bad idea should you decide to rewrite the piece i sincerely look forward to more of your works. I title of your piece got my attention
Recommendation: I will recommend you read Adeoti Gbemisola poem titled "Unclothed Sole" although his poem and yours are on different subject matter you could learn alot from the poem and on the "Use of Contrast" i made mention of earlier you could read Gabriel Okra poem titled "Piano and Drums" .
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by castrol180(m): 6:53am On Nov 25, 2017|
this is deep, nice work there, keep it up dear. But what are the criteria for front page?
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by Threebear(m): 6:53am On Nov 25, 2017|
But they do quarrel, during eclipse?
Darkness and night coming together?
Crappy poem !
Leave it for the wole Soyinka's
Men who wrote things that had meaning!
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 7:01am On Nov 25, 2017|
castrol180:Thank you dear for your encouragement.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 7:05am On Nov 25, 2017|
Threebear:Thank you for taking your time to point at those areas. That should help for improvement. Even the great poets like Keats and Coleridge improved with time and practice. Thank you once again.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by Threebear(m): 7:09am On Nov 25, 2017|
amnesty7:You'd be doing yourself a disservice minding me.
You're very talented. The poem is great. I especially love the last stanzas.
Just hassling you, don't take it to heart. I'm usually mean.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 7:13am On Nov 25, 2017|
Threebear:Thank you. I appreciate.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by Nmeliville(m): 8:06am On Nov 25, 2017|
Nice one br0 Amnesty7
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by AHCB: 8:32am On Nov 25, 2017|
amnesty7:aside quatrain, which form did you intend the poem to take?. Judging from the way it's arranged when I quoted it.
It's a nice poem. Well done.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by Habakus: 8:44am On Nov 25, 2017|
OP, I like the fact that your poem is an attempt to characterize the concept of Day and Night.
I'd like to ask though:
What specific attributes of Day and Night made you refer to them as "twins" ?
Is your poem a comparison of Day and Night as 'twin' to the human twin?
Nice effort by the way.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 8:47am On Nov 25, 2017|
candyguyofficia:What a constructive, lengthy review! I really appreciate your corrections and suggestions and will look for the recommended poems. I can show you more of my little efforts, privately. I will contact you via your registered email here. Thank you.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by Iamzik: 8:50am On Nov 25, 2017|
Anyone ever wondered why night falls and day breaks?
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by Rukkydelta(f): 8:59am On Nov 25, 2017|
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by naijacartoon: 9:24am On Nov 25, 2017|
Thanking the poet for accepting correction and Nairalanders for the constructive critism #i don't know it all but certainly we fly by crawling first.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by perry1988(m): 9:24am On Nov 25, 2017|
wole start from somewhere with this ur comment discouraged young writer if wole show the poems he wrote dat don't make sense
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 9:26am On Nov 25, 2017|
AHCB:Thank you. That was exactly how I composed and arranged it as a quatrain.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 9:28am On Nov 25, 2017|
naijacartoon:You are very kind. We thank you too. I appreciate all the reviews and encouragements.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by AHCB: 9:40am On Nov 25, 2017|
amnesty7:Alright. You should learn and explore other form/structure of poetry.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by Ramon92: 9:45am On Nov 25, 2017|
What do you guys think about this?
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 9:48am On Nov 25, 2017|
AHCB:I will. Thanks a lot.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by AHCB: 9:49am On Nov 25, 2017|
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by ahmad76: 9:54am On Nov 25, 2017|
Please search the forum before creating a new thread on Nairaland.
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by MisterDreamz(m): 2:32pm On Nov 25, 2017|
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by candyguyofficia(m): 11:17am On Nov 26, 2017|
amnesty7:It would be my pleasure although the mail attached to my NL is flooded once I get your mail I will send you an alternate mail id. The poem I made mentioned of was actually censored by NL it's actually"N@ked Sole" by Gbemisola not Unclothed Sole
|Re: The Twins Of Nature by amnesty7: 6:56pm On Nov 26, 2017|
candyguyofficia:You may check the mail. Thank you.
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