Mrachiever:

Do u read @all?....she said she got married Dec 2016 and not 2017

she have modified her post wat she wrote be 4 was she married Dec2017 try and read others comment

People should only have kids they can afford

mployer:
It's your responsibility.

Your Dad has raised 3 graduates. He should be at retirement stage now and might not have much strength to continue with your younger bro. This is the time he needs your help and that of your sisters.

It is your fault that you are not working not his. He paid your school fees in full. He deserves that you get a job and help him out now that his strength is failing him.

efesodje:
This is what I don't understand about our Nigerian marriages. In the west once you marry it's just you and your wife (then future kids).

In Nigeria once you marry, you marry your spouse's entire family lineage

in the west if you lose your job govt will provide help
in nigeria it is those parents you will go and squat with o
no copy copy foolishly o
we no get social security o

Liftme:
Dear Nairalanders,

Please I need candid advises on my family issue, I had to bring it here because I am totally shocked and confused.

I am married with a kid, I got married in December 2016, so my marriage is just a year+. My husband is a cleric, and I am out of job presently, we thank God we are doing okay. I had a job before I got married, but after conceiving , the hormones kicked in and I couldn't keep up with work regularly. I was even hospitalized at some point. It was a private company so they had to terminate my appointment.

I am yet to secure another job till date , though hubby have plans of setting up a biz for me, but the plan hasn't yielded due to financials. I also make confectionery(chin chin ), cream and soap only when ppl place order.

I used to work as a contract staff in a bank for 2 years, the contract ended and I had to wait for six months before joining d private firm as stated earlier. While working in the bank, my pay was 70k which was half of what a full staff gets, and I had to pay rent of 200k annually for a self con in Lagos Mainland. It wasn't easy for me as a lady, taking care of my bills, rent, transportation and all. I still strive to save at the end of the month, and in all ds, I was sending money to my parents and siblings, not every time, but most times or when they contact me. I paid my younger brother's school fee once and was mandated by my dad to send stipend of 5k to my younger brother monthly. I only got the chance to do that once, before I stopped working with the bank. Apart from the 5k and school fee that my dad knows about, I still send him money which wasnt made known to them.....

The main issue now is that my dad instructed my younger brother to contact his elder sisters(3) and ask us for the amount we would be sending to him monthly (he is still a student). I was angry when he passed the message to me via whatsapp. He was even rude in passing it, didn't say "hi or "hello" ,he just started with "your dad said". I addressed d way he passed it, told me he was sorry, and I told him I will get back to him on d money issue, also told him I know things that needed to be done by me when and if I have the means, and clearly I once had d means and I was contributing then. I called my elder sister to confirm she got the same msg , and she told me that her
Husband said d message was wrong since our dad is still alive. I also discussed with my husband, and he said he understands and it's not a big deal when there is enough to go round, but right now we are still trying to stand right which is true cos all d burden of our family is still on him.. He also has ppl he renders financial help to (family, friends, strangers), and he does for my family too when need arises. He has also given my parents money not once not twice.....


Well, hubby called my dad today to greet him only for my dad to address the issue of my younger brother. He told my hubby he and my mum trained us academically so that we can pay back when we start working, said its my husband's responsibility to send money to my younger brother since I am not working and married.

Haha, I was sad hearing ds because I don't understand how training of one's children academically equals financial payback, and how my family's responsibilities becomes my husband's cos he I am married to him.

I forgot to mention that my mum invited my hubby about 3 weeks ago to address issue of us not giving her money regularly and me not working yet. She told my husband that they all know we are comfortable, Shoo, these ppl don't even know how we live, they believe we are doing extremely fine cos we've Neva asked for loan or help. My mum just retired from a government job last year, she's doing okay and dad still works too, also doing okay.

Please, how do I go about this? How do I make them see its not mandatory, but voluntarily (my brother's finances)? Or am I being wrong, is it their right?

I apologize for the long post,please.

Awaiting responses....

give them your atm card and tell them to withdraw the 5k whenever they see salary there
and tell your brother you are opening account for him to pay back once he starts working
since your family don't do things for family sake but for pay back
sorry you are in a very hard place
i pray God give you the wisdom to handle this

Liftme:
Dear Nairalanders,

Please I need candid advises on my family issue, I had to bring it here because I am totally shocked and confused.

I am married with a kid, I got married in December 2016, so my marriage is just a year+. My husband is a cleric, and I am out of job presently, we thank God we are doing okay. I had a job before I got married, but after conceiving , the hormones kicked in and I couldn't keep up with work regularly. I was even hospitalized at some point. It was a private company so they had to terminate my appointment.

I am yet to secure another job till date , though hubby have plans of setting up a biz for me, but the plan hasn't yielded due to financials. I also make confectionery(chin chin ), cream and soap only when ppl place order.

I used to work as a contract staff in a bank for 2 years, the contract ended and I had to wait for six months before joining d private firm as stated earlier. While working in the bank, my pay was 70k which was half of what a full staff gets, and I had to pay rent of 200k annually for a self con in Lagos Mainland. It wasn't easy for me as a lady, taking care of my bills, rent, transportation and all. I still strive to save at the end of the month, and in all ds, I was sending money to my parents and siblings, not every time, but most times or when they contact me. I paid my younger brother's school fee once and was mandated by my dad to send stipend of 5k to my younger brother monthly. I only got the chance to do that once, before I stopped working with the bank. Apart from the 5k and school fee that my dad knows about, I still send him money which wasnt made known to them.....

The main issue now is that my dad instructed my younger brother to contact his elder sisters(3) and ask us for the amount we would be sending to him monthly (he is still a student). I was angry when he passed the message to me via whatsapp. He was even rude in passing it, didn't say "hi or "hello" ,he just started with "your dad said". I addressed d way he passed it, told me he was sorry, and I told him I will get back to him on d money issue, also told him I know things that needed to be done by me when and if I have the means, and clearly I once had d means and I was contributing then. I called my elder sister to confirm she got the same msg , and she told me that her
Husband said d message was wrong since our dad is still alive. I also discussed with my husband, and he said he understands and it's not a big deal when there is enough to go round, but right now we are still trying to stand right which is true cos all d burden of our family is still on him.. He also has ppl he renders financial help to (family, friends, strangers), and he does for my family too when need arises. He has also given my parents money not once not twice.....


Well, hubby called my dad today to greet him only for my dad to address the issue of my younger brother. He told my hubby he and my mum trained us academically so that we can pay back when we start working, said its my husband's responsibility to send money to my younger brother since I am not working and married.

Haha, I was sad hearing ds because I don't understand how training of one's children academically equals financial payback, and how my family's responsibilities becomes my husband's cos he I am married to him.

I forgot to mention that my mum invited my hubby about 3 weeks ago to address issue of us not giving her money regularly and me not working yet. She told my husband that they all know we are comfortable, Shoo, these ppl don't even know how we live, they believe we are doing extremely fine cos we've Neva asked for loan or help. My mum just retired from a government job last year, she's doing okay and dad still works too, also doing okay.

Please, how do I go about this? How do I make them see its not mandatory, but voluntarily (my brother's finances)? Or am I being wrong, is it their right?

I apologize for the long post,please.

Awaiting responses....

give them your atm card and tell them to withdraw the 5k whenever they see salary there
and tell your brother you are opening account for him to pay back once he starts working
since your family don't do things for family sake but for pay back
sorry you are in a very hard place
i pray God give you the wisdom to handle this

mployer:
It's your responsibility.

Your Dad has raised 3 graduates. He should be at retirement stage now and might not have much strength to continue with your younger bro. This is the time he needs your help and that of your sisters.

It is your fault that you are not working not his. He paid your school fees in full. He deserves that you get a job and help him out now that his strength is failing him.

if the 3 girls die today nko
he will not send his son to school abi
who beg am to born 4 pikin wen im power no reach

It is not your duty to cater for your siblings. You didn't bring them into the world. You also did not beg to be brought into this world and be educated that you now have to pay your parents back.

I think your parents are being selfish. Your dad is working. Isn't he responsible for his offspring. What does he use his money for? He wants you to train your sibling and still send him money even as he knows you are not working? Why can't he train his son. I dont like the idea of burdening children with financial responsibilities.

For anything, your parents should be understanding and empathetic. They should ask how you are faring especially with a child.

I hope we learn from this kind of situation and make sure we have children that we can adequately cater for and even leave an inheritance for rather than making it our children's job to train their younger ones.

Why do people go to school when it is glaring that their father and mother won't be able to carry such financial responsibility?
Op, tell him Dad, it is your responsibility to care for your child not mine as I have my own child to take care of. It is about time Nigerians push back parental responsibility to where it belongs - parents!
Challenge him! And you as an adult should stop being scared of your parents!

Well there are several ways to look at an issue and all will still be correct.

So going by that line of thoughts , everyone's opinion earlier giving is right.

But I want you to look at this way;

Why did your father send you to school?

Don't bother to answer because your answer may be wrong.

According to your dad he sent you school, so you could train your siblings. Simply put.

You may think it's your right to be sent to school but I doubt if you can prove that.

The best way to go about it is to go to your dad and plead with him for understanding. Explain to him the challenges your family is having currently.

I really can't blame your dad. Every father will expect things to get better for his daughter after marriage and not the other way round.

I really don't understand the irresponsibility common among men and women this day. Always comparing us with the west when financial issues spring up from in laws and relatives!

Simply put, we are different!

Liftme:
Dear Nairalanders,

Please I need candid advises on my family issue, I had to bring it here because I am totally shocked and confused.

I am married with a kid, I got married in December 2016, so my marriage is just a year+. My husband is a cleric, and I am out of job presently, we thank God we are doing okay. I had a job before I got married, but after conceiving , the hormones kicked in and I couldn't keep up with work regularly. I was even hospitalized at some point. It was a private company so they had to terminate my appointment.

I am yet to secure another job till date , though hubby have plans of setting up a biz for me, but the plan hasn't yielded due to financials. I also make confectionery(chin chin ), cream and soap only when ppl place order.

I used to work as a contract staff in a bank for 2 years, the contract ended and I had to wait for six months before joining d private firm as stated earlier. While working in the bank, my pay was 70k which was half of what a full staff gets, and I had to pay rent of 200k annually for a self con in Lagos Mainland. It wasn't easy for me as a lady, taking care of my bills, rent, transportation and all. I still strive to save at the end of the month, and in all ds, I was sending money to my parents and siblings, not every time, but most times or when they contact me. I paid my younger brother's school fee once and was mandated by my dad to send stipend of 5k to my younger brother monthly. I only got the chance to do that once, before I stopped working with the bank. Apart from the 5k and school fee that my dad knows about, I still send him money which wasnt made known to them.....

The main issue now is that my dad instructed my younger brother to contact his elder sisters(3) and ask us for the amount we would be sending to him monthly (he is still a student). I was angry when he passed the message to me via whatsapp. He was even rude in passing it, didn't say "hi or "hello" ,he just started with "your dad said". I addressed d way he passed it, told me he was sorry, and I told him I will get back to him on d money issue, also told him I know things that needed to be done by me when and if I have the means, and clearly I once had d means and I was contributing then. I called my elder sister to confirm she got the same msg , and she told me that her
Husband said d message was wrong since our dad is still alive. I also discussed with my husband, and he said he understands and it's not a big deal when there is enough to go round, but right now we are still trying to stand right which is true cos all d burden of our family is still on him.. He also has ppl he renders financial help to (family, friends, strangers), and he does for my family too when need arises. He has also given my parents money not once not twice.....


Well, hubby called my dad today to greet him only for my dad to address the issue of my younger brother. He told my hubby he and my mum trained us academically so that we can pay back when we start working, said its my husband's responsibility to send money to my younger brother since I am not working and married.

Haha, I was sad hearing ds because I don't understand how training of one's children academically equals financial payback, and how my family's responsibilities becomes my husband's cos he I am married to him.

I forgot to mention that my mum invited my hubby about 3 weeks ago to address issue of us not giving her money regularly and me not working yet. She told my husband that they all know we are comfortable, Shoo, these ppl don't even know how we live, they believe we are doing extremely fine cos we've Neva asked for loan or help. My mum just retired from a government job last year, she's doing okay and dad still works too, also doing okay.

Please, how do I go about this? How do I make them see its not mandatory, but voluntarily (my brother's finances)? Or am I being wrong, is it their right?

I apologize for the long post,please.

Awaiting responses....

Let them know how u live, that it is not easy for u and your husband at the moment.

Secondary, your dad still works, and your mum just retired... Do they still have dependants apart from your brother?

Their mindset is totally wrong. Good a thing you are sane enough, else it would have wrecked your home. Because u would side your parents n not your husband.

Stick with your husband. You guys have a family to build. If your parents who have the means cannot take of themselves, let them leave it.

The situation here is complicated more than most posters see it.

I wouldn't blame your dad,i would only implore him to do more.He should rather be thankful to God that you've not been coming to them to ask for soft loans even after marriage and should have asked for how things are if he is so considerate as a father. Coupled with the fact that he is still working, even if what he has left in active service isn't up to a year,he should undertake his responsibility until he can glaringly do it no more.
Some fathers who are even retired are still footing the bills for their children jn school and even some that are still married, so he should count himself lucky.

On your husband's part,i really commend him for his maturity and patience in handling the demands from your parents,however, that patience isn't gonna last forever coz it's only a matter of time before he begins to get irritated.
He shouldnt be blamed for your job exit and even if you quitting the job was his idea,he should rather be commended at it,for putting your health first over money.
Would your father rather prefer you lie in hospital due to a job they might still fire u for at the end? I'm sure he wouldn't.

As for your kid bro,i once met a young lady of 22yrs who hustles like there is no tomorrow to pay her bills and that of her younger sister in a polytechnic (school fees and all) and I'm sure she has been doing so before I met her.It should be known that this lady's parents are alive,although, i wouldn't know how they're faring and why they've neglected their responsibility to a young lady (i didn't press further).
What I'm saying is essence is that your bro should find something doing even if it fetches him as low as 10k monthly, that way,whatever comes from you elder sisters and parents will just be like bogus bonuses and you people will even be encouraged to give more no matter how little.Besides he should have known the situation in each of his guardians/sponsors lives too to know he should get himself busy.



PS:I won't be surprised if this kinda kid bro still spends and flirts with ladies on campus.


Lesson to all:MOUTH WEY SWALLOW BOTTLE,NA HIM YANSH GET WAHALA....for those that understand.

My dear, your younger brother is not your responsibility. In fact, your parents are not your responsibility. This is what is responsible for the endemic poverty in Africa. The vicious cycle where the only 'marginally' successful child is so burdened with financial responsibilities that they fail to achieve financial freedom.

Parents, Pls. give birth to the number of children that you can cater for. It is unfair to do the 'chooking' and expect someone else to do the handwork for you. Parents should also work hard enough in their prime that when they grow old they would retire in comfort not become a burden to their children.