Do not, in any case, try this. Ever. Specially the 18+

Alright. So one time we had an aunt over at home. For some particular reason I don’t like her but she is my mother’s older sister and I am expected to respect her. Abiding my mother’s warning to be nice to her, sit on the dinner table like a good kid and then I can retire to my room doing whatever as ladies carried on the night with gossip and family stuff.

Everything went well, I managed to survive. Just as dinner was over she asked me, “Could you please be a doll and get me a toothpick, I have something stuck in my teeth”. I looked over the table and drawer but couldn’t find any. My mom said, “Go get some from your utility pouch that you keep for school”. I didn’t want to. I could hear my mom saying and beaming with pride at my being organized, “Such a dork this one. Has a different pouch of utility with first aid, basic grooming, nail cutters, and even handy weapons if she gets in trouble. I never have to worry about this one”

I found the toothpicks I was looking for. Suddenly, I had the worst idea ever. I took off my socks and cleaned up my toenails with the toothpicks and went out with the biggest and nastiest grin on my face. Big enough for my mom to be suspicious instantly. I hand over the toothpicks to my aunt. And went to my room.

My mother enquired and I told her what I did and oh boy! She was like ‘What is wrong with my upbringing’ and ‘You are a shame on me’. Fortunately, she didn’t tell my aunt and I was punished. And even bigger fortune was that my aunt’s DIGESTIVE SYSTEM was very strong. Nothing happened to her.

Now that I am over a decade older I still wonder how I had the thought. I have a good laugh about it every now and then. But sure enough, I ll never do it to any human being again. Unless….

I tasted my urine. Still preparing for my shit.
When I was still a teenager (13 or 14), while eating one day, my meat accidentally fell on the floor (cemented and sandy floor) and instead of throwing it away like my mom always said I should do whenever such happened, I hid the mead in my fist, went to the kitchen to rinse it and then put it back in my soup quickly before my mom came out of the room... And yeah, I ate it. What? I didn't want to waste the food my mom toiled hard to provide. Good child, huh?