1. When I first saw this topic some days ago, I dismissed it with a wave of my hand; another nairalander has come to post an excerpt of a post that would be long enough to get me interested but so short I would have to follow a link (probably to his or her blog) to read the full gist. But yesterday out of boredom, I viewed the topic and I'm so glad I did.
2. Even though I have never heard or read about most of the terminologies here, I can totally relate to them through my life's experiences. Truth is, most societies since time immemorial (Africa inclusive) have taught women to be conservative in regards to their sexuality while allowing the men have a jamboree expressing theirs. Their excuse for this is that it prevents a woman from being a slut as a woman is the "homemaker" that should be submissive and massage the ego of their philandering husbands.
3. What these societies forget is that the day the lioness finally finds her freedom and experiences the satisfaction of expressing and fulfilling her sexual desires, there is no turning back. This experience also opens her eyes to the power of her body; she now begins to see it as the most powerful bargaining chip she can ever have and begins to use it to get what she wants. She wants an alpha male; she hunts him. She wants material possessions; she gets them. And if she happens to be blessed with a body that ages gracefully, she can do this for a very looooooong time.
4. Personally, I have learnt to deal with my relationships on a case by case basis; not judging the person based on my past experiences and hurt. This is quite hard as our experiences greatly shape who we are. However, I am not fooled into thinking that love is only what women see in a guy. A female friend once told me she finds guys who are "clean and neat" very attractive and sexy; this was pure desire and lust. And from a young age, I have learnt never to allow a woman use her body as a bargaining chip on me; or use it to control me even though I learnt this the hard way. The lady that taught me this only gave up the coochie whenever she felt like it and because of my naivety, I was always happy to oblige. After trying to initiate the act a few times with rejection, I realized I was just a pawn in her game. The day she pounced on me and I said no, even when Mr Johnny was already at attention, she was shocked. And yes, my no included not doing anything to quench the burning flames between her legs. I saw disappointment written all over her and was happy deep down; game on! Since then, all the ladies I have dated have always been surprised at my level of self-control. You say no; I stop even when we're both butt nak.ed. I say no too; just to let you know that no gender has the exclusive right to refuse s.ex. The moment I sense you only give up the goods when you want or need something, I'll practically show you pepper.
5. What I have also learnt is allowing a lady unravel herself to me. Every woman can become a lioness in bed; most are already. What makes them hide this part of themselves is the stereotype men have that her body count must be high for her to achieve this expertise! I once met a lady back in the days of africhat. We became quite close and during one of our conversations, she told me she was a virgin. As a rule, I never ask a woman about this; she told me willingly. 1 year later, our relationship moved from just friends to toaster - toastee levels. She now told me she was no longer a virgin. She was not a virgin even at the time she told me she was. I shrugged it off because genuinely, I couldn't care less. After this, our relationship kicked off. One night while in bed, I teased her that her previous boyfriends were rookies who never allowed her take control in the other room. That weekend, she showed me her true colour. Some weeks after that, she told me she had had an abortion for her immediate ex. I remember looking at her while she slept and imagining how much she was yet to tell me. And this is a lady that is the true definition of a "sister" in church. Who would have thought!!!
6. In summary, we should quit being naive that a change in relationship status automatically makes our partner saints who can do no wrong. We should be conscious of the dynamics at work in our relationships and look for ways to either level the playing field or make happen to our advantage. This sounds selfish but deep down aren't we all selfish?
1. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah! Thank God you didn't judge this book by its cover.
2. Absolutely agree with you
3. The thing is the 'lioness' explores her sexuality during her youth and locks up for her husband (because that is what he wants/thinks she wants). I was initially amused when I saw girls living the fast life like they are about to die and upon research discovered that they think marriage is a 'bondage' so they want to like the Amish overindulge in their youth till they marry and lock up.
4. I think that is a lesson all men need to be taught. I have never understood using sex as a bargaining chip as if you don't enjoy it. If you want to be a prostitute aka exchanging sex for something; come out plain and let's know. The more men have self control, the more women stop using sex as a bargain in a committed relationship or marriage.
5. Hilarious at unraveling! very apt anyways. A willing/enthusiastic woman boosts a man's sexual ego according to my husband
6. @Bold, on point. Selfish? No. The Bible tells us to love our neighbours as ourselves. Not more than; not less than.
Chill it's just a popular saying I have that I always use .
There was the one time I needed money and a girl I was seeing offered ...but said she was horrny. We were in my office and she was being a dick ...like a real asshole . I walked out and left her there . Felt like a prostitute that night .
The worst mistake you will make it your FBs is too get. Money involved just keep it physical ... strictly physical .
Edit ...Hot changes to hot so I spelt it wrong ohh . .@ yettymuse good morning
Funny lady.
Did she give you the money?
I think some men basically use money to buy love/sex/relationship. And I am wary of their type. Shows that they have got no substance.
Timbuktuo: I read a Rollo article where he takes about women giving sex for long term relationships, read marriage. He opines that women are the gate keepers to sex, men are the gate keepers to relationship.
A woman will Bleep a beta to extract a relationship commitment out of him and once her aim is achieved the man can kiss a wet dick bye bye. That's why so many betas complain of no bedroom action, the sex they had was always only a means to an end. Meanwhile, she will eagerly part her thighs for an alpha just because.
Hmmmm.
Just stumbled on another thread about women's infidelity:
According to the author, the first step is loosing interest in their husbands sexually. This is also collaborated with several other credible and incredible sources.
I think the problem is getting the offending partner to see they have crossed a line when they do, especially when they see nothing wrong in their actions. Some people are just selfish. Some have no concept of reciprocity or equilibrium. How does one get across to such a person? This, I believe is the beginning of the end of most marriages, where resentment begins to build. Some people just check out emotionally to stem the hurt because divorce is not an option or divorce would be tantamount to decapitation to cure a headache, but the headache is still there and Panadol is useless against it.
I think compatibility is a major factor when considering a life partner. It's a word that has become a cliché but whose value isn't really appreciated till you realise it's absent in a union. For this reason, short courtships rub me the wrong way. Yes, they work, but usually between honest partners (whose mutual honesty is already a sign of their shared values).
Very very true.
People's ability to hold their partners to ransom because they seemingly have no way out is mind blowing.
1. I know exactly what you mean by the appreciation. It's a very complex thing that encompasses memories and bonding through time, which is why the long-term partner is the one who sees it as the most beautiful thing ever.
I also think early marriage is good for both genders. Saves everybody a lot of headache in the long run.
I woukd argue that men of every ethnicity in the world value taking care of their women, the thing is firstly, the do so to the best if their warning abilities, secondly, they consider how independent the wife is, wants to be and is working to be.
2. Well, you're married now so external pressure should have waned considerably, if we factor in that you're almost 70 wearing a mask won't be so necessary at this time.
3. May she find her heart's desires in this world or the next.
4. Serious relationships? I really doubt that. The grandma thing na just hyperbole jor.
5. Yes, you're right about it being the ones who don't have it together financially. The ones who do wouldn't really mind closing their eyes and picking from a basket or just going it solo.
1. So on point. part B, Hmmmmm
2. Abi o! I am not going to hang my boots till 70 (about 40yrs to go). God willing
3. It is/was so pathetic. I like to look at people I know in the past and the outcome of their choices and I must say it is not pretty for her. She fell ill (past life + loneliness amongst others) and I realised that money is nothing without companionship. She has amassed wealth and even has a mansion in her village yet she is alone and gotten so old. That's why I laugh when someone says once a woman/man has money, they will be fine. A baby mama/papa who invests in his/her child is way better than a single person. She and other cases made me realise that there is rarely a single woman who is single in the true sense of the word. She probably has Uncle Richard for recharge card; Uncle Tumise ti o tu be se; Uncle Jaiye for jaye jaye etc. yet she is not willing to pick one of them for a husband and complain she is single. I also realised that every lady who wants to get married will at a point have at least one or two serious suitors who will make good husbands. Some are wise enough to realise their last chance years (come differently for each woman) and pick someone; some play so foolishly and start lamenting when the suitors are gone. I remember someone who while we were in school had two serious men she was juggling. One was done with school and squatting with his sister who will maltreating him and he was the one still assuring her that things will be better as he was working on some certifications and would soon land a better job. Both men were tired of yoboyebe and moved one. Last I heard, she is still single. Are there exceptions, yes.
Lol, we do. I knew the constant agreeing was going to look corny, but I really do agree with those comments.
You guys had/have the dream scenario. I pray it lasts till death parts you both, in about a hundred years?
2. I'd say any other scenarios are outliers and would be exceptions to the norm.
3. Fair enough.
5. Really don't remember, but let's move on.
6. We might have to agree to disagree on that. I guess I would be speaking from anecdotal evidence which isn't ideal to make a generalisation.
7. She would know. She has to earn her inheritance. If she's worthy of the only 5k in my account and my certificates she'll definitely get them without interference from anybody else.
8. The difference is substantially less stress. Keeping more than one active wife is a form of madness.
1. I was afraid. 2018 is a great year.
Lol! at earn inheritance. Fair enough. She has sha earned a part marrying you.
You are a big boy, you can juggle ten. Just have one in each country of your choice.
2. Abi o! I am not going to hang my boots till 70 (about 40yrs to go). God willing
3. It is/was so pathetic. I like to look at people I know in the past and the outcome of their choices and I must say it is not pretty for her. She fell ill (past life + loneliness amongst others) and I realised that money is nothing without companionship. She has amassed wealth and even has a mansion in her village yet she is alone and gotten so old. That's why I laugh when someone says once a woman/man has money, they will be fine. A baby mama/papa who invests in his/her child is way better than a single person. She and other cases made me realise that there is rarely a single woman who is single in the true sense of the word. She probably has Uncle Richard for recharge card; Uncle Tumise ti o tu be se; Uncle Jaiye for jaye jaye etc. yet she is not willing to pick one of them for a husband and complain she is single. I also realised that every lady who wants to get married will at a point have at least one or two serious suitors who will make good husbands. Some are wise enough to realise their last chance years (come differently for each woman) and pick someone; some play so foolishly and start lamenting when the suitors are gone. I remember someone who while we were in school had two serious men she was juggling. One was done with school and squatting with his sister who will maltreating him and he was the one still assuring her that things will be better as he was working on some certifications and would soon land a better job. Both men were tired of yoboyebe and moved one. Last I heard, she is still single. Are there exceptions, yes.
4. I hear you.
5. True.
1. Do you disagree with the b part?
2. 40 years of knacking? Sista Buka, you're going to be a wild grandma
3. Having a child outside of marriage can only be good for the parent and maybe marginally so for the child. There are a lot of disadvantages inherent in that arrangement for the child, the he statistics say so. Having said that, some people are just not capable of sustaining long term relationships, they get bored of people, their spouses and children inclusive. Some people are control freaks and maybe this woman is one, maybe she didn't really find a man she could control satisfactorily, or maybe she was looking for a unicorn. Your friend will probably settle down eventually, maybe not with someone who valued her as much maybe even better, but she'll find it harder to attract such guys. Those guys chasing her then would be married now or on to fresher girls. Such is life. Some of us learn the hard way.
Just stumbled on another thread about women's infidelity:
According to the author, the first step is loosing interest in their husbands sexually. This is also collaborated with several other credible and incredible sources.
Losing interest in sex is usually caused by the husband being considered not worth it. It's usually a subconscious thing and these women don't even realise they're weighing his sexability until it's pointed out.
When a woman considers you not worthy of her body, it's futile trying to cajole her into reconsidering, it turns her off even further, meanwhile she has to have her sexual needs met somehow.
This post is one of the most important from Rollo for Men to read, especially b4 signing the dotted lines.
He clearly outlines one of the root causes of sexless marriages today, Clueless brother marries holy sister believing that a ring on her finger is a guarantee of passionate sex for the rest of his married life only to have a rude awakening when the sex "suddenly" evaporates!
He then enters a vicious cycle of trying to "re-ignite" the passion by being more "romantic" but the situation only gets worse! She continues to pull away from him and since he has no understanding of intersexual dynamics in today's world he thinks " maybe if I was MORE romantic, maybe if I did ALL the Chores, maybe if I trip her to Dubai, maybe...maybe !!!
Clueless brother doesn't understand that "You can't NEGOTIATE desire! A woman who wants to Fvck you WILL FIND A WAY to Fvck you!"
Brothers like this usually get a rude awakening when they find evidence of wifeys wild sexual past
As @timbuktuo said the brother was simply the second half of the sisters Hypergamic plan of her life.
He was the "Beta Bucks" ,she didn't marry him because she was attracted to him sexually...She married him because her Alpha bleeps guy isn't interested in "settling down" !
Why should he? He is aware of his SMV ,he knows he can have a diffrent Hot chick in his bed every weekend, why tie himself down to just one?
Sister sees the handwriting on the wall, time is no longer on her side, her "Olympus is falling" and she cannot compete with the new ,younger, hot babes on the scene.
She repackages herself as "born again" Holy sister in her church and clueless brother thinks he has found "Gods will" for his life
She accepts his marriage proposal but in her heart of hearts she STILL wants the Alpha bleeps guy!
In this day and age, a Man needs to know exactly how a woman sees him!
Am I her Alpha Bleep guy or am I the Beta Bucks guy?
It is only a foolish Man who knows that she only sees him as the Beta Bucks guys that goes ahead to marry her!
Your comment is so hilarious I throw away my phone Abi church girl haha
1. The wall is relative, sure, but the general idea is the same. At a point, a woman isn't as attractive as she was once was, it's a fact of nature. As for looking in the wrong pool, I think modern socialisation is to blame for that, it wasn't always so. Also, I think a feminisation of men has led to men losing that manhood factor. It rubs me the ring way when I hear men say they don't want to "marry a liability". I'm not saying she can't have her own income, but liability? I think men should be men, and women women.
2. You know I'm right. By the way, did you have to wear masks in your younger days just to scare guys off? Just asking.
3. How many rich guys are there anywhere? Most people in the world are average per the standard of their communities. Most of the Naija returned that show up at Christmas are like average or even below, yet Naija girls will gladly receive the mark of the beast just to date them.
The point, though, is that many of these girls do not take advantage of their youth to select the best out of what nature has offered them. They constantly think they can do better, therein lies the problem. Some do, many don't. Having the time of your life is quite intoxicating especially when there are so many men willing to flex you steady.
4. It's a small percentage of guys that break up post service, that's more of a woman's game in my experience. The ratio is heavily skewed towards women exiting the relationship. To borrow your line of questioning; how many graduates have the means to settle down?
Of course, guys eventually know it's about the money, I've been saying that. Which would explain why they feel they should go for the best women, the youngest, freshest ones. Didn't they have girls breakup with them for lack if money? Of course they did, and they learnt the bitter lesson. Owó nìkan ló lè sé( na only money fit do am). How many times have I read on this small nl guys say, "don't chase women, chase money and women will flock to you"? Na so life be. When a guy loses his girlfriend to a more comfortable dude at 24/25, and then he becomes comfortable at 27/28/29, you think he's going to pick a 27/28/29 year old grandma?
5. Older women are more money conscious than younger ones. While the woman at her peak can have the best guys, she doesn't necessarily feel obliged to. At that storage, she more about adventure than finances. The almost at the wall and post wall women are the ones that really factor in finances.
Lol exactly the way one idiot girl was treating me like trash during my university days, because she has a sugar daddy, now I graduate I'm comfortable and she want to come back, I gave her a black NO. Because we understand this girls are all after money, if not why will a girl leave a young fresh boy for someone old as her dad with big belly and be treating you as trash?
1.True although I wouldn't say less attractive; I would say a different type of attractiveness that's best appreciated by a guy who put you there. That aside, I am a very huge fan of early narriage to young men. I also cringe when traditional men so fixated on enjoying the privileges of headship open their mouths to call non-earning wives liabilities. I know the older Igbo husbands were always willing to embrace the responsibilities and rights of headship.
2. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, why would I want to wear a mask? I would still need it now na.
3. I guess I must be strange not to see going on sexual/non-sexual dates with different men and collecting unwarranted gifts as 'flexing'. I agree with the choosing part. I know someone who was my mom's age mate and unmarried. At that age, she rejected a divorcee because he wanted only traditional wedding; she rejected a widower because she didn't want to train another person's kids; she rejected another guy because he was not too rich; she rejected adoption because she was required to pay for etc. Some people have delusions of grandeur and cannot really estimate their value for negotiations.
4. The guys also exit the relationship especially when they start to work or go for NYSC. 27/28/29 grandma? I agree that they will most likely go for slightly younger girls.
5. Maybe older women not working or comfortable on their own.
I can tell you by experience most women 30 to 35 understand the game, and can easily trap a young man, I was shocked when my friend told me he will marry his wife who is 32years, and he is just 26years o, the woman just got him on her palm
For many women beyond the age of youthful fantasies, Sexx is usually in exchange for something whether its in exchange money, exchange for commitment, exchange for affection, etc . Its common to hear phrases like Your husband doesn't have a job to provide, then why should he expect sex? Or in this section a lot of those funny illiterate divorce stories from Igando court will read like My husband is not "taking care of me"(giving me money) so I stopped having sex with him
For men, sex is just sexx for the release. That's why 10 men can queue up in a brothel waiting to fucck just one girl and after that they move on not even wanting to know her name or what she looks like.
So in your number 1 question, There is usually a need from the other guy, maybe better sexx, money, better placed socially or something
For number 2, Since sexx is usually to bargain for something, the moment they don't see anything to gain from it, the incentive wanes unless they start feeling their husband might go out and probably divorce them then they step it up momentarily
You wont know how many married guys have given up on it, and having a sidechic is sometime just very inconvenient. You want to have sexx at 11pm so you have to get up drive to your side chic and drive back
If you ate well back in the days, can you do without food now or manage bland ones or just be satisfied with the aroma?
At least, a couple should be at it till 70.
@Companionship: what do you expect a husband & wife to do as companions that they can't do with someone else.
An average woman enjoys attention; her man learns to enjoy giving her the attention and woman is happy.
An average man enjoys sex; his woman learns to enjoy banging him and the man is happy.
Isn't funny that the average man would not use attention as a bargaining chip?
Bukatyne do you mention attention? It's not the same woman you will give attention all the time and the next thing she gets fade up by giving her the Same attention she craves?
. I don't know Alpha or Beta. I only know Alpha Beta Consulting.
