Marriage: Between Legality and Public Perception
The Story of the Prophet's marriage to Zaynab bint Jahsh is an interesting read. It reveals how public perception of an action is likely to influence a person's decision on matters that are to his/her own advantage. Her marriage to the Prophet is best described as one 'made in Heaven'. In fact, Al-Bukhāri narrated on the authority of Anas bn Mālik who said, "Zainab bint Jahsh used to boast to the other wives of the Prophet, saying: “Your families arranged your marriages but Allāh arranged my marriage from above the seven heavens.”
Her husband, Zayd bn Hārithah was the Prophet's freed slave and adopted son, and in fact, her marriage to Zayd was facilitated by the Prophet himself. Unfortunately, their marriage wasn't to last long, and Zayd complained to the Prophet several times that he wanted to divorce Zaynab. However, on each occasion, the Prophet would advise him to be patient with his wife and to hold on to her. In the end, Zayd could no longer cope with the marriage and he divorced her.
Interestingly, prior to this time, the Prophet had received a divine revelation informing him that Zayd will divorce Zainab and that Allaah had sanctioned her marriage to the Prophet. (Read the exegesis of the verse here: https://islamqa.info/en/96464 ). For the Prophet, this seemed strange and unpalatable to the ear. His fear was, how will the public perceive this? The hypocrites and Kuffār will surely accuse him of marrying his daughter-in-law (note that Zayd was nicknamed bn Muhammad prior to the revelation of Q. 33:40).
After the marriage, the hypocrites surely had a field day mocking the Prophet and spreading false news about him that he had fell in love with Zaynab even before Zayd's divorce of her until Allāh revealed Q. 33:37-40.
In the above story is a great lesson for us, O honored brethren! Some of us have given priority to public perception over Legality of the marriage institution which Allāh has made halāl for us.
How many of us has abandoned marriage to our late friend/brother's widow who has shown interest in us/would love to remarry to one of her late husband's siblings/friends in order to ensure that her kids are adequately catered for, out of fear of public perception?
How times have we refused to marry our sibling/friend's divorcee just because we dear being labeled as a cheat and betrayer?
Truth is, your brother or friend's ex wife, whether widowed or divorced is permitted for you to marry under the Shari'ah if you love her and you feel that you have the wherewithal to cater for her needs, subject to her consent to marry you, too. Inasmuch as your fear of public perception of your decision is right, you should not allow it to deprive you of what Allāh has made halāl for you. If you want it, go for it!
Sometimes ago, a friend died leaving behind his wife and 3 kids. After her iddah, his closest friend decided to marry her in order to take care of her and her kids. Sadly, relatives of our late friend started accusing the couple of having extramarital affairs even before the demise of our late friend to the extent that they were alleged to have conspired to kill him in order to accomplish their devilish goal. That marriage didn't last long as the couple got separated to allow peace to reign.
There's an urgent need for public reorientation on critical issues like this among our Muslim folk.
©Sanusi Lafiagi