CHAPTER THREE
Chris made his way down the narrow corridor of the chief’s voice. He didn’t relish the thought of opening up about his feelings to anyone least of all, a stranger. The only people he had really opened up to were Ben and Anna and now Anna was dead making Ben more or less the only family he had. He knew his colleagues and friends had his back anytime of the day but at the end of it all, they had their personal issues and family to get back to. Ben was the only one amongst his friends that he could call up in the middle of the night despite having a family of his own and knowing he’d drop everything to be there for him. He was more than a friend to him_ he was family.
They had met when he had moved into their neighborhood with his mother after which he had been enrolled in the same high school and since then, they’ve been thick as thieves. He was ten and Ben twelve when they had moved into the neighborhood after his parents split as a result of his father’s proclivities. His mother had been to pay for the house with money from her divorce settlement and what she saved up as a midwife over the years. It wasn’t until after her death that he realized they were mortgaged to the hilt. Ben and his family made the strain of the divorce somewhat easier on him. He missed his father and all the fun time spent together but his job as a contractor meant he was always out_ hardly ever around.
His mother hadn’t restricted his time spent chatting over the phone with his father neither did she restrict him from going over for weekends in the company of his father but nonetheless, she had to put her foot down after her teenage son of fourteen had come back from a weekend spent with his father reeking of alcohol while the smell of marijuana clung to his clothes. She had interrogated him and found out that there had been a party at the house for his father and his father’s girlfriend at the time_ some girl in her twenties, barely embracing puberty as was his preference had served him alcohol without his father’s knowledge but he had sworn he didn’t smoke pot with them.
His mother had spanked him so hard before grounding him indefinitely but she eventually came around. She was never one to hold a grudge even against her husband who constantly stepped out on their marriage. She held on until she felt like she was losing a part of herself in the marriage and there had been Chris to think about. He would have loved for his parents to stay together but he knew his mother was unhappy in it. There was no doubt his father loved his mother but his lust wouldn’t let him be and so when his mother had demanded for the divorce after countless failed marriage counseling, his father didn’t put up much of a fight. Obviously, he was tired of seeing her disappointment and his failures mirrored in her eyes each time he failed her.
His father had to call to apologize and plead his innocence before his mother would let him go with his father and on the condition that he keeps his distractions_ which was the term his mother used to refer to his father’s string of conquests away from her son to which his father readily agreed to. He knew better than to argue with his mother on that.
He was involved in many a fight throughout his high school days and having Ben’s huge frame beside him scared away any potential threat. Even being in his teens, he was already six ft and pushing two hundred_ most of which was muscles. He had been the one to initiate Chris into the act of working out but could barely a hold a candle to him now. It had been body building then for teenagers looking to impress with bulging biceps and strong stomach muscles. At a point, his father had begun to seem less available and would call off weekend trips at the last minute to his disillusionment and his mother’s anger because she was the one left to deal with a sullen son. It kept on this way until he stopped caring_ gradually; Ben’s father began to seem like his as well. They’d go camping, hunting, and mining. Ben’s dad had been an archaeologist who was killed when an excavator at his place of work had failed and crushed him to death. The family had sued and it was eventually settled out of court_ the company had paid an undisclosed sum which was later disclosed to him by Ben and which had left him in awe.
It was a good thing their neighborhood then had been a close knit one because they had all lent their support in spades to the aggrieved widow_ his mother was no exemption. They had practically moved into Ben’s home to allow her mother keep a closer eye on the widow. It had been a tough time for the family losing him the way they did and the entire neighborhood had mourned him. It had been especially tough on Ben_ a nineteen year old losing his mentor but Chris had been there all through never leaving his side. It was now him and his elder brother who had recently joined the navy after having lost an elder sister a long time ago to leukemia left to take care of their grieving mother.
The tragedy affirmed their bond of friendship such that they were more brothers than friends. He made it easier for Chris not to dwell on his father’s shortcomings that had become rather consistent over time. Later on, college came beckoning and they had to apply. Chris had been more than content to spend another year at home ‘finding himself’ as he chose to call it but Ben was having none of it and after a lot of arguments, had decided to apply into the police academy alongside Ben and had gotten accepted.
Chris’s mother hadn’t been exactly thrilled to find out he had applied and gotten accepted into the police academy as opposed to her endless hopes that he’d settle for something more financially stable and less dangerous as a choice of profession but in the end, she came around to his choice citing that it beats his earlier resolve of leaving the option of going to college pending. Prior to getting accepted into the police academy, he had always fantasized about the idea with Ben when they were bouncing around career options off each other. The day came for them to leave for the academy and it had been with a mixture of awe and excitement that the young twenty year old he had been at the time looked forward to what would be an experience of a lifetime.
He had hated to leave his mother behind because at the time she hadn’t been in the best form of health_ her heart was acting up. She had arrhythmia which was being managed by medications but his consolation had been the fact that he knew she was in good hands and with Ben’s mum around, he had little cause to worry so it was with shock that he received the news of his mother’s hospitalization. At first, his thoughts had been that her weak heart had finally given way. Ben had found him in the dorm after having retired there after dinner to relay the ill fated news to him. Undoubtedly, his mum had told him. Fear had gripped him and he had to be permitted to head back home the next morning. He got to the hospital to find his mother lying pale, sunken. He couldn’t get any information from the nurses even after telling them he was her son; they insisted he wait for a doctor that never showed up until her mother was gasping for breath. Apparently, she had passed out in a grocery heart_ her heart had stopped but a doctor on ground had managed to revive her until the paramedics came and took over but it was the lackadaisical attitude of the doctors and nurses that cost his mother her life.
The grief he had felt and the helplessness was insurmountable. She had been everything to him and a part of him blamed himself for her death. If he had been there for her where he was really needed instead of off at the police academy, perhaps, she’d still be alive. He never disclosed his feelings of guilt to anyone but Ben and over the years, Anna when she came into the picture. Strangely enough, his father had shown up to be there for him at his mother’s funeral. He had been recluse for quite some time as he tried to get his drinking habits under control. It had been with the help of Ben’s family and good neighbors that he was able to settle off the mortgage on the house.
It had been tough dealing with the loss of his mother and even Ben’s company hadn’t made it easier. He had felt adrift and had even nursed the idea of abandoning the police academy but his father had reached out to him and surprisingly, the time they had spent together in their own little world mourning this amazing woman who had been a mother and a wife had helped_ it was their personal grief because both of them had loved and cherished her albeit not perfectly but had loved her nonetheless.
The academy had extended his leave affording him the opportunity to mourn and he had been blown away by how they had all turned out in droves in support for him during the funeral but his heart was no longer in it and he ended up confiding in his old man about it. “I don’t think that’s what your mother would’ve wanted for you.” His father had said a while later after listening to him. “How would you know what she’d want?” he spat out in bitterness. “You were hardly ever around.” He saw the hurt pass across his old man’s features and instantly wished he could take back what was said. He thought he had dealt with it but most times, the pain and hurt of the divorce courtesy of his father’s marauding always got the best of him. “You failed her.” Chris said but in soft tones. “And it hurt her.” “I failed her.” His father acquiesced miserably and wiped a tear. “And I failed you but most importantly, I failed my family.” He stared down at his hands for a while.