I saw these article showhere, thought i should share it, hope u find it helpful, its long but worth reading.
Enjoy!

We work, play, serve and are, in one way or the other, related to toxic people. Toxic people yell, explode and try to intimidate you. If your life is free from these hostile and manipulative people, read no further. However, the probability of encountering these people is one in every three given situations. Although the toxic people make up 3-5% of the population, they create over 50% of the everyday problem!
Certainly, we all can be miserable, hostile and basically unpleasant at times, but toxic people are this way all the time. A brief encounter with a toxic person leaves one angry, frustrated, and demoralized. The negative behavioural patterns they learned are used strategically to wear you down. Their only objective is to win regardless of who stands in their way. Any disagreement with them makes you their target.
WHO ARE THE TOXIC PEOPLE?
Toxic people are those who are repulsive, resentful and very unlovable. No matter what you do they are self-opinionated. They believe more in themselves. They are the ones who complain all the time, the ones who always blame you and hardly accept responsibilities. They always turn things around to soothe their own ego. They overreact to events, major in minor matters and can be hyper-critical of others. You can hardly satisfy them, when it is hot, toxic people say it is too hot, when it is cold, they say it is too cold, when it is optimum; they say it is too extreme.
They are capable of draining your energies as you may spend a lot of time and emotional strength trying to cheer them up. They will bombard you with their negativity so that you have to spend much energy trying to fend it off. Their constant pessimism affects you and makes you always angry. There are leeches that suck you and still complain about you.
Toxic people have learned to be this way because it is effective for them. Their hostile and negative behaviour serves them well. Their arsenal of aggressive behaviour catches their prey off-guard and then renders them helpless. Consequently, after a confrontation with these people, it’s not unusual to feel devastated, abused and confused.

TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
Do you know someone who always males you feel depressed, angry and tired? Think about this person. Is he or she a complainer, or someone who always expects things to go wrong, or someone who constantly finds fault with you? Does he or she always seem more cheerful after ranting to you? If any one or more of these is the case, you likely have a toxic person on your hands.
Anyone you feel like ridding from your life and be sure of comfort and happiness thereafter is certainly a toxic person. Of course, often is not so easy, when a toxic person is a co-worker or family member or even a long-time friend. Ultimately, the answer is that you can’t change the person’s behaviour, but you can change your own. If someone you know always triggers depression, anger or tiredness in you, examine how you react when the negativity starts and see if changing your reaction helps. If your reaction doesn’t contribute to the problem, or you can’t make such a change, find a way to lessen effect of the person’s negative behaviour by tuning off and filling the gap with more relevant and purposeful matters at least for the sake of your mental and physical health. Having said this, let us now consider some other practical approaches in tackling the problem of toxic people.
STEP 1
Understand why they behave this way. Generally, these people are unhappy, insecure, and have low-self-esteem. Early in life they learned to get their needs met in maladaptive ways, such as, being the bully. Although there are different types of toxic people – some are overly aggressive, while others may be passive-aggressive – their dynamics are similar. Like all human beings, all they have learned inappropriate ways to achieve this.
These behavioural patterns are deeply ingrained in the personality of the toxic person. The overly-aggressive toxic person (one who bullies, explodes, screams, etc) uses their aggressive posture as a defense mechanism. Because of their weak and fragile ego, they need to protect themselves. Their best defense is a strong offense-aggression. Therefore, they feel in control of themselves only in a situation that allows them to feel powerful. But it doesn’t stop there. Like all weak people, their insatiable need to feel secure makes it necessary for them to win – and to win at any cost. Therefore, you need to be patient with them and empathize with them, noting that they lack understanding of their situation. Remember the response of Jesus to the toxic people who crucified him, ‘Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.’

STEP 2
Distinguish between a person who is having a bad day and one who is a toxic person. Keep in mind that toxic people make up a small percentage of the population. However, having an encounter with one makes that percentage appear larger. To achieve this distinction, you will have to reflect on the history of the person or his or her background. In other words, ‘Is the behavioural pattern normal or unusual for this person?’ The toxic person is this way all the time. A non-toxic person who is having a bad day is just reacting to a particular situation.
Another approach in distinguishing between the toxic person and a person having a bad day; this can be found when u communicate with them. Although hostile at first, the non-toxic person will eventually respond to your effective communication and rational reasoning. The toxic person will be relentless in their pursuit to beat you and win.
STEP 3
To maintain composure when you are confronted by toxic people, you will need to keep three things in mind. First, you can never change the toxic person. The old saying that a Leopard never loses its spots holds true with the toxic person. These people need to be this way and for them to change is to expose their vulnerability. When confronted by toxic people remain focus and be firm. Like spiders spinning their webs, they are trying to trap you. By bombarding your ego with insults and intimidation, they want you to lose control and fight with them. When these happen, they have gotten you. Listen to them, maintain direct eye contact and when appropriate speak in clear firm voice. It is easy to become wrapped up in the heated situation, so remain quite and calm when they are ‘boiling’ and hold yourself together. Doing so helps keep you from becoming entangled in their web of misery and hostility. You can’t use a rabid dog to fight a mad dog.
STEP 4
Don’t personalize the problem. Certainly, this is easier said than done. Look far and you will see thousands of people facing similar problems, without losing their heads. Try as much as possible to survive their emotional assault, for tit is more toxic to internalize the problem. Yet in order to cope effectively with these people, it is crucial to maintain your self-esteem. Some of the following thoughts might be helpful in your attempt to depersonalize the situation:
“This is their problem; I will not make it mine.”
“I am not going to allow anyone to dictate my behaviour.”
“They want me to fight with them, I won’t allow it.”
“Their need to become toxic is a cover-up for their own inadequacies.”
“I have the choice to play or not this game.”
The bottom line is that trying to cope with toxic people is never easy and quite frustrating. Trust the fact that all people have trouble dealing with toxic people. Although it may not seem possible to deal with toxic people effectively, remain confident in God, the life changer and the turn around manager. And keep in mind that engaging in an argument with these people is a no-win preposition. In fact the only way for you to win is to elect not to play.
Dear reader commit your ways and your experience to God and find out the values and lessons God wants to teach you through them, for as roses have thorns, thorns also have their roses. Pray for grace to cope all the time. May God help you. Amen.

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