1.
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."
2.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
3.

Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?

My name is Paul.

4.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

5.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
-
Snowballs....lol

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