a

Naija women, na d same dem be.

Just wondering what she was doing b4 11.pm.

but nothing's wrong if you fix yourself and the entire house a dinner once in a while.

Nursing a little baby can be tasking. Show some understanding.

OAM4J:

but nothing's wrong if you fix yourself and the entire house a dinner once in a while.

Nursing a little baby can be tasking. Show some understanding.

Another example of typical 9ija woman. because of a baby now, there should be no ,ore food gradually it will be no more sex. Women should know what they are in to in marriage. A man can help but not in the kind of insultive way the woman and you are putting it.

kind.way:

Another example of typical 9ija woman. because of a baby now, there should be no ,ore food gradually it will be no more sex. Women should know what they are in to in marriage. A man can help but not in the kind of insultive way the woman and you are putting it.

What makes you think am a woman?

enite011:

I seem not to understand my wife's attitude at times, some times she might just decided somethings on her own. Pls pple i need to know if this is right, she has a lil baby and a junior brother lives with us, it was around 11pm at night and she hasnt even decided to cook yet despite theirs everything in the house, i have been patience enough and asked her in presence of my brother, Tolu am very hungry, will you go and cook and she responded in presence of my junior brother living with us saying, look am very tired tonight i cant cook and she went in the room to sleep. Good ppl of Nairaland, I really need your advise because of really feed up.

Maybe you are the problem. You are treating her like a maid perhaps. If you treat a woman with love and respect and kindness,
you will get a wife who love you enough to work for you, and do her share. If you act like a control freak who is entitled to be
waited on, you get a strike! I don't blame her. You sound like a real whiner. Is anything wrong if a man make dinner once a while for his family?

OAM4J:

but nothing's wrong if you fix yourself and the entire house a dinner once in a while.

Nursing a little baby can be tasking. Show some understanding.

_{unfortunately your kind is hunted to extinction bad luck for us women.}

::

Nigerian women are fond of taking advantage on their family-in-law weaknesses this is sad to admit. Truth is if the boy is her brother she will tolerate him well. I had similar problem sometime ago and it took wisdom to overcome it.  I will give you some tips.

Call your brother on phone to meet you up in a place so that both of you can chat one-to-one. In that discussion, tell him that your wife is too precious to you as he is to you and that you want to keep a happy home. He should be man enough to know how to manage a woman. Tell him to help your wife in the domestic work and that your wife is always too busy taking care of the baby and making the home. Let him understand that his staying in your house is NOT Permanent and that if he can cooperate with your wife he will get the reward from you.

NOTE: Always appreciate by offering him some gifts if you noticed that he is performing this assigned role but not to your wife knowledge please.

On the other hand, gauge when your wife is in good mood with you in bed. Tell her you have something to discuss with her. Let her know that your brother will not be staying with your family for a very long time and that during his stay there should be harmony in the home. Let her correct your brother when he does something wrong and move on. Tell Her she will have full respect from your parents if she can live in harmony with your brother. Being a human that your brother is bound to make mistakes. She should know that your brother can be of help to your children in future.

NOTE: Do not take side if there is any argument in your home and learn to deal with it individually. Intensify the way you show love to your wife as your brother stay with you.

Please i wont advise you to start cooking for your wife like other people say. There is a saying in my place that "anything you can not do for a woman to the end please it is better not to start it". You can help your wife in some other ways not in cooking unless it is ABSOLUTELY NECCESSARY. Allow your younger brother to help her no problem. I help my wife alot but she knows her primary responsibility is to give me a good meal as she cannot eat what i cook.

chaircover:

ha ha ha They have given OAM4J a s.ex change

lol May be in another life, but for now I love me


@ topic

Some African men just need to grow up. If wives now assist their husbands with their financial responsibilities,

nothing stops husbands assisting their wives with some of their domestic responsibilities.

{Some African men just need to grow up. If wives now assist their husbands with their financial responsibilities,

nothing stops husbands assisting their wives with some of their domestic responsibilities}.



@OAM4J - I have said it before here and i am proud to say it again that my wife contributed greatly to what i am today and rightly so. This does not give her right to tolerate her family when they came visiting and disrespect my own family.

Let me give you one instance, if you are married, watch out the way your wife reacts to her family when they make mistakes in your home and compare it to her attitude towards your own brother making that same mistakes. In as much as we want to make good homes we need to equally show fair respect to everyone; it is of two ways.

I have said it so many times here that most problems at home are caused by we men. But that does not mean women are absolutely innocent. The wife will not make cooking an issue if the brother in question is hers this is the truth. Sometimes we have to be realistic in our judgements and stop bending our culture to suit that of oyibos because they dont have respect for marriage. Cooking in African culture is not a challenge it should be taking as a hobby. What is most challenging is providing the neccessary finance for the food stuff. I always watch the hand of the clock while in the office to know when i can run home to have a good meal. Good meal is one of the ingredients to keep a happy home believe me. I can support women in other aspect but i dont understimate good food in a home.

Any African lady who takes cooking as a task should check her background. I dont allow my house help to cook for me; it is my wife that champions that. My wife is a full time business woman and she knows that my meal is a priority. I have told her it is better she missed a business opportunity than not cooking for the family and that is how it has been unless it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. As long as i have agreed not to cheat on her she is happy doing this for me. If you dont know how to cook your husband can take advantage of this to hangout with friends afterall nothing is special at home. My wife will prefer to keep the baby under my brother's care and make the meal herself because she knows my brother cannot give me what i want. I love good meal.

Be realistic!!!

@Big Man

I have no problem with the way you conduct the affairs of your home and your family priorities, especially when it is cool with your wife, but don't make it the standard that every family must follow.

If the reason the OP's wife did not cook is not because she was tired or has to do with her brother inlaw's presence, then the OP needs to communicate with his wife and resolve whatever the issue is.

But we must not criminalize a wife for not cooking. For me I would fix dinner for everyone 1st, then find out and resolve whatever it was that caused the kitchen' strike. And am being realistic.


@OP
Does your wife has problem with your brother or any of your relations staying with you?

@OAM4J - We are all here with different opinions and the essence is for us to learn sometimes disagree to agree. We use our homes as examples for the posters to make his own choice. There is no standard way of making a good home. What works for me may not work for you but if we have different opinions the posters will be advantaged enough to make his own choice.

Most People in NL are experience family people. When a thread is being put up be sure to have more than 10 different opinions sometimes tested opinions. It is left for the Poster to pick the ones that will suit his home since he/she understand his/her spouse. I do make my opinion and not being foolish enough to make it a standard like you said. I can only say what i know. But to have a swipe at someone that make his opinion different from yours is a little bit disrespectful.

Big-Man:

@OAM4J - We are all here with different opinions and the essence is for us to learn sometimes disagree to agree. We use our homes as examples for the posters to make his own choice. There is no standard way of making a good home. What works for me may not work for you but if we have different opinions the posters will be advantaged enough to make his own choice.

Most People in NL are experience family people. When a thread is being put up be sure to have more than 10 different opinions sometimes tested opinions. It is left for the Poster to pick the ones that will suit his home since he/she understand his/her spouse. I do make my opinion and not being foolish enough to make it a standard like you said. I can only say what i know. But to have a swipe at someone that make his opinion different from yours is a little bit disrespectful.

Far be it from me to disrespect you or your opinion. Pls dont misunderstand me, am only making the same point you are making, that one standard does not fit every home.

If I sound disrespectful or make you feel insulted by my comments in any way, pls accept my apology.

@poster,I do not see any reason why your wife cannot cook for the house,i cannot wait till 11pm without food . My wife will never do that because she knows that once i enter the kitchen i will mess the whole place up, the food will be over done and it will be tasteless.The only thing i do is to stay with her there if am not busy.
Please try to read Big-Man's contribution very well, i subscribe to it and pretend as if you did not read what 0AMJ wrote.

i AM WITH BIG-MAN HERE, its something a lot of women do subconsciously, prolly due to jealousy cos of blood being thicker than water. She was very rude and disrespectful to you, even by European standard sef


I am not buying the baby excuse, do all mothers behave as such, Naija woman at that


has she always been like this cos you mentioned something about her attitude atimes?

if she had her own relatives ofcourse she will starve them with food

women. . . . ,

The poster didn't say if the cooking issue is an habitual thing or happened only one night due to her tiredness.

Nursing a baby is not an easy task so if she says she's tired believe her. Yes, its her duty to cook but I believe there is no crime in your lil brother asking your wife if he could help do the cooking seeing that time's gone and there is no sign of food,

ofcourse nursing a baby is not an easy task, the brother in return should have gone to combine some yama yama food for them to eat, but my question now is, if its her brother thats with them will she leave them in that state of hunger

I have rbothers my self and i am beginning to imagine , i cant do it to them, i wouldnt mind waking up early in the morning to cook for them, im sure she will do same, why not for her inlaw?

Only ur wife knows what d problem is. . .make her open up.

@Big-Man, that saying is not just towards women alone but a general proverb,
@Poster, talk to your wife to see what the problem is and if possible employ a house maid, does your wife work?

@ poster,talk to ur wife.

find out if taking care of d baby is so much 4 her and see if u can ge a nanny so that ur wife will have time to do d wife duty to u.

also ensure u treat her well and provide 4 d family well cos that might be y she is behaving asort and gets back to u w ur tummy.


also pray to God too concerning her.and communicate w her cos communucation is d strenght of any marriage.knw y she always does it. unless it has been her attitude from courtship.

shes wrong in this case your hubster is hungry and you went to bed like a cat hmm are you sure you havent spermitized her maybe she dey preggo

It was wrong for your wife to have reacted to u like that, something is wrong somewhere. She is itching over something and the faster u guys discuss it as husband and wife the better. I am a woman though not yet married, I can't even respond to my fiance that way. At 11pm dinner is not served, it is totally unacceptable. Talk about it with her let us know. Let us also know whether her act is habitually or not.

Asking your wife for food at that time of the day might be seen as a confrontation. I think it might be wiser to confront her when you are alone with her and not in the presence of family members. Many women and Men still have alot to learn about tolerance and respect when the marriage is still fresh. It is also important the way you express yourself. If it is not a habit of hers you could try being a bit more diplomatic. "Darling I know you are tired and it`s difficult with the baby but do you think we can still find something to manageas a meal ?".
You know a woman with a baby can feel a bit wornout and in need of appreciation.
As the head of the family it is your duty to lead your wife in the direction you desire . I think with love, tolerance and patience you would reach your Goal.

So because the woman has a kid she wont cook for the family~? na wa o, The big question is, is this the way her own mother brought her up? or she just feels she is in the age of women liberation hence anything goes.
Of course, there is no reason why the man cannot cook esp if the woman is a nursing mother, but its all about attitude, she faffs about till 11pm without even making any effort to feed her family or at least let the man know she is tired and needs help,

Kenny it is the womans duty to cook for her husband. If she does not feel up to it she should apologise to her husband and or ask him for help.
I just feel that this is not the main problem they have but just a manifestation. Maybe she feels used catering to man and brother?

Big man you made a very good point.

It's so funny that I read the original post and the brother being there did not even come in as a factor. I simply assumed she was tired. Why does everybody assume that the younger brother of the man being there could be the reason why she had not prepared dinner. I am also wondering how old the brother is since all of sudden this is an issue

so everybody waited until 11:00 pm for food to appear.

ok!


the woman should have dragged herself to the kitchen and cooked something, since there's no way she wont be blamed for this logjam.