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M - Family - Nairaland

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"My Father Is Dead" - Darren Idongesit Rejoices Over 'Wonderful' News / I'm Ready To Get Married But My Father Wants Me To Build First / I Found My Father After 24 Years, But... (2) (3) (4)

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M by ILuvBreasts: 3:09pm On Sep 23, 2018
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Re: M by Godmother(f): 3:30pm On Sep 23, 2018
Your father might be trying to make you into a man in his own way without knowing the effect it's having on you.

Why not corner him when he's in a good mood and try to have a heart-to-heart with him.

1 Like

Re: M by Nobody: 3:41pm On Sep 23, 2018
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Do your best and gain admission into a tertiary institution. Make sure your school is located far fr your state of residence. stay in school most of the time and don't go home.

Maybe he'll soften up when he sees you once a year.

1 Like

Re: M by Evangkatsoulis: 3:47pm On Sep 23, 2018
ILuvBreasts:
Hmmn... I'm writing this with tears. I just realized I had lived in utmost fear of whom should be my closest pal, mg father. Being a paramilitary man,his harsh abuse and slaps at any slightest thing cause shaking and urination even up till now @ age 20. He takes me for granted no matter how hard I try to behave mature at home.
He feels I'm too close to my mum and doesn't provide some of my needs or provides very late after much disturbance. I haven't enjoyed any bit of fatherhood at all,though it wasn't like this when i was much younger. This is to the extent I even avoid contact with him when at home. My people of nairaland, I fear him. The beating no be here.

After I realized this, I decided to build my self-esteem by reading books, I read books but it wasn't helping. I had no social activities, no football nothing nothing.
I decided to try out Driving as a skill and when he traveled out of town, I took the car keys to drive the car round a little and back, I no know how got into an accident and the car got bashed into another. Choi!, my momsy called him and told him, the threat no be here..

I don die!!!! I mean I'm gone for, the love I was trying jejely to resurrect don fall back into the gutter . Sobs*

When I see people wishing their father was alive, how they missed their father, I just wonder.


How does reading books boost your self-esteem?
Re: M by ILuvBreasts: 4:02pm On Sep 23, 2018
Works a little for the first few days... I'm in my 4Th Year
Ioannes:
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Do your best and gain admission into a tertiary institution. Make sure your school is located far fr your state of residence. stay in school most of the time and don't go home.

Maybe he'll soften up when he sees you once a year.
Re: M by Nobody: 4:07pm On Sep 23, 2018
You love breasts yea? Ur dad will continue to hound u for eternity if u dont rise up financially. My father used to be like that very oppressive till i started making money! I returned his car and bought mine! Moved out of his house and rented a nice pad in town and since then he has been jealous that my mum always has my attention!

Truly Nigerian Fathers dont understand real fatherhood! Guy work hard and be financially upright and watch things change!

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Re: M by ILuvBreasts: 4:45pm On Sep 23, 2018
Forget the moniker .....I know for sure, but I'm still a student
Pipedreams:
You love breasts yea? Ur dad will continue to hound u for eternity if u dont rise up financially. My father used to be like that very oppressive till i started making money! I returned his car and bought mine! Moved out of his house and rented a nice pad in town and since then he has been jealous that my mum always has my attention!

Truly Nigerian Fathers dont understand real fatherhood! Guy work hard and be financially upright and watch things change!
Re: M by Nobody: 4:59pm On Sep 23, 2018
ILuvBreasts:
Works a little for the first few days... I'm in my 4Th Year

You haven't told us exactly what you did for your father to start maltreating you. You said it wasn't always like that. So when and why did he change?
Re: M by ILuvBreasts: 7:52pm On Sep 23, 2018
My brother I don't really know but I did wrongs everly as a human being nobody is above mistakes. His harshness started when I was a teenager.
i just weak
Ioannes:

You haven't told us exactly what you did for your father to start maltreating you. You said it wasn't always like that. So when and why did he change?
Re: M by Nobody: 8:10pm On Sep 23, 2018
ILuvBreasts:
My brother I don't really know but I did wrongs everly as a human being nobody is above mistakes. His harshness started when I was a teenager.
i just weak

Well do as I say. Avoid going home often. The less he sees you the better.
Re: M by Zoharariel(m): 8:02am On Sep 24, 2018
Your father is an honourable man . He's trying to instill discipline & moral values into you. Our behaviour is habit-driven and so it is important to instill discipline in a child at an early age.

I grew up in a military home and my father (he's late now) was a no-nonsense man. I also experienced some of the pains you're going through but I neither understand nor appreciate my father's cold & brutish attitude towards me until I grew up.

Most of children of nowadays are spoilt rotten tomatoes.

I was at the Ikeja City Mall a couple of days ago and I sat at the open area of Rhasodys - drinking a bottle of Heineken & smoking a few sticks of cigarette.

A pregnant woman carrying her daughter and a son of about 5years approached & sat next to my table. It was around 6pm and the place was pretty busy.

You won't believe that this woman's son kept running from table to table disturbing the customers and almost spilling their drinks. All the mother could do was shout: "Chibuzo, I won't buy you Ice cream today".

I was seething with anger.

At a point, the boy attempted to climb the railings and the mother quickly got up & pulled him back.

If not that people around would chastise me, I was tempted to give the boy a falcon-slap that will leave him & his mother dazed for at least 3days.

Look around, our society is a mirror & reflection of the poor norms & values that are being instilled in wards in most homes - and the primary reason why corruption remains deeply entrenched in our national ethics, politics, civil society, public & private sectors.

You said when you see people wishing their father were alive, you wonder. grin

Maybe, if their father were to be alive, majority of them wouldn't have turned into prostitutes, kidnappers, yahoo-yahoo & ritualist.

I am forever be grateful to my father for all the values & lessons he instilled in me even though we were never close.

5 Likes

Re: M by Ishilove: 9:01pm On Sep 24, 2018
ILuvBreasts:
Works a little for the first few days... I'm in my 4Th Year
4th year and you're 20?

Ahn ahn, you shidren of nowadays enter school at such an early age. At age twenty I was going to year 2

To the topic...your father is trying to show you tough love, he is trying to make you a man in his own flawed way.

Many of our parents overdo it in their attempt to discipline their children, but I don't blame them. They are inherently flawed themselves. It's a vicious cyle that will never end.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: M by temi4fash(m): 9:24pm On Sep 24, 2018
Pipedreams:
You love breasts yea? Ur dad will continue to hound u for eternity if u dont rise up financially. My father used to be like that very oppressive till i started making money! I returned his car and bought mine! Moved out of his house and rented a nice pad in town and since then he has been jealous that my mum always has my attention!

Truly Nigerian Fathers dont understand real fatherhood! Guy work hard and be financially upright and watch things change!

As in eh...
The money oart very true
Re: M by revolt(m): 10:23am On Sep 25, 2018
Zoharariel:
Your father is an honourable man . He's trying to instill discipline & moral values into you. Our behaviour is habit-driven and so it is important to instill discipline in a child at an early age.

I grew up in a military home and my father (he's late now) was a no-nonsense man. I also experienced some of the pains you're going through but I neither understand nor appreciate my father's cold & brutish attitude towards me until I grew up.

Most of children of nowadays are spoilt rotten tomatoes.

I was at the Ikeja City Mall a couple of days ago and I sat at the open area of Rhasodys - drinking a bottle of Heineken & smoking a few sticks of cigarette.

A pregnant woman carrying her daughter and a son of about 5years approached & sat next to my table. It was around 6pm and the place was pretty busy.

You won't believe that this woman's son kept running from table to table disturbing the customers and almost spilling their drinks. All the mother could do was shout: "Chibuzo, I won't buy you Ice cream today".

I was seething with anger.

At a point, the boy attempted to climb the railings and the mother quickly got up & pulled him back.

If not that people around would chastise me, I was tempted to give the boy a falcon-slap that will leave him & his mother dazed for at least 3days.

Look around, our society is a mirror & reflection of the poor norms & values that are being instilled in wards in most homes - and the primary reason why corruption remains deeply entrenched in our national ethics, politics, civil society, public & private sectors.

You said when you see people wishing their father were alive, you wonder. grin

Maybe, if their father were to be alive, majority of them wouldn't have turned into prostitutes, kidnappers, yahoo-yahoo & ritualist.

I am forever be grateful to my father for all the values & lessons he instilled in me even though we were never close.
my dad is late. Don't mind the mumu . As I grow older upkeep wishing I had my dad around more and more. Truth is you never know what you have until you lose it. For a man......a fathers presence is simply non disputable.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: M by Nobody: 1:31pm On Sep 25, 2018
revolt:
my dad is late. Don't mind the mumu . As I grow older upkeep wishing I had my dad around more and more. Truth is you never know what you have until you lose it. For a man......a fathers presence is simply non disputable.

Maybe you never had a toxic parent
Re: M by revolt(m): 2:18pm On Sep 25, 2018
Pipedreams:


Maybe you never had a toxic parent
my dad chased I and my elder brother with a gun and SHOT(we don't know where he directed his double barrel)at us. We bashed his car. As teenagers we don't know how terrible we are till we grow into men. So tell me if your dad was half as toxic as u call it ..... I dnt wanna talk of the terror we faced in our heads . It was all for our own good. And I deeply apprec8 his strictness. It's really sad when I see children like you who have never paid or taken care of a child sit down there and criticise your dad's who give their lives for you. Well i was once like you in time youd realise.
Re: M by Nobody: 2:22pm On Sep 25, 2018
revolt:
my dad chased I and my elder brother with a gun and SHOT(we don't know where he directed his double barrel)at us. We bashed his car. As teenagers we don't know how terrible we are till we grow into men. So tell me if your dad was half as toxic as u call it ..... I dnt wanna talk of the terror we faced in our heads . It was all for our own good. And I deeply apprec8 his strictness. It's really sad when I see children like you who have never paid or taken care of a child sit down there and criticise your dad's who give their lives for you. Well i was once like you in time youd realise.

Ur getting it all wrong. I love my dad. Not staying in his housr dont mean i hate him. I try to call him once a week and see him twice a month. But u cant compare the closeness i have with my mum
Re: M by revolt(m): 4:16pm On Sep 25, 2018
Pipedreams:


Ur getting it all wrong. I love my dad. Not staying in his housr dont mean i hate him. I try to call him once a week and see him twice a month. But u cant compare the closeness i have with my mum
wht u don't understand is dads and mums r different. The way we show love for dads is different from how we show love to mums. A dad will find it weird if you shiw him the love meant for mum. Ok the advise u seek from a dad is different from that from mums. Finally relationships depend on the said parents idiosyncrasies.
Re: M by spongeisback: 11:03am On Sep 26, 2018
Why's it that whenever someone brings their problems on Nairaland there's always that one person that try to undermine it? That person must bring up their own issues so your problems will look like you're being ungrateful or a joke. it becomes a "na me suffer pass competition", it's not wrong to vent or complain about your family members because nobody knows the state of mind you're in. Stop shutting people up and emotionally guilt tripping them when they find the courage to talk.


O.P you're being emotionally and physically abused by the person that's suppose to protect you, even if you try to talk to him he will still look for a way to make it all your fault and the cycle will continue. My advice is for you to get away from that toxic environment.

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