The bad behavior of children seems to be a common evil that adults end up getting used to, without knowing very well what to do, or what is worse, without being clear who really is responsible for remedying it.

In fact, it is increasingly common to find responding children, disobedient, rude, loud or impertinent with adults who put their hands to their heads showing a clear gesture of “what I’m going to do with you.” Because neither punishments, nor voices, nor restrictions are worth solving this (in fact, this way of reacting only complicates things).

Learning to behave well is possible

The behavior of children is not a matter of magic, but rather it is a skill and, as such, can be learned. To learn the ability to behave well you have to apply the same procedure as for any other type of skill, which is based on four steps:

Choose a behavior
Define the problem
Plan a goal
Create steps to work toward that goal.

Step 1 – Choose a behavior

There are many ways in which bad behavior manifests itself. To begin to modify the behavior of a child, it is necessary to focus on one specific aspect or, at best, two. Trying to modify all the facets of a child’s misbehavior is a titanic task, difficult to control and to plan.

By focusing on one or two aspects of misbehavior we will not feel overwhelmed as parents or overwhelm them. In addition, it will be much easier to mark the guidelines that must be followed and evaluate the progress, as well as to communicate to the other adults who are with the child the keys of the new forms of behavior and behavior guidelines.

Facing many problems at once makes it difficult to determine where to focus the most attention to start making progress. It is better to prioritize issues that pose a risk to health or safety or those that may cause the emergence of other problems or that may hinder the relationship with others, the use of time, school rhythm or affecting Family life with more intensity.

Step 2 – Define the problem[/b][b]

Once it has been decided where to focus the efforts, it is time to raise the issue in question to the child and discuss the way in which his behavior affects him and affects others. It is not about making him feel bad for what he does, but about revealing the impact that this has on his life.

Only if the child sees that his behavior is a real problem that affects him directly can he acquire the commitment to change it? You have to know that doing things differently will benefit you and how you will do it.

Step 3 – Plan the goal

Next step is to plan a goal, that is, determine what changes should happen and over what period of time. It is important to keep in mind that the objective is not a desire, but a commitment. To do this, children must be clear about what they want to do and define it with clear words. For example, “I will be more orderly” or “I will be more kind”.

In addition, this specific goal must be measurable. This implies committing to something concrete during a certain time. In this sense, we must define exactly what can be observed to assess whether the behavior with which the child has committed is occurring, what they mean concretely and how they are achieved.

Step 4 – Define the steps to be followed

The above is still too difficult, so you have to draw a route. Once the objective has been defined and what it consists of, it is necessary to determine the specific steps that will take place. These steps have to be realistic. The fact that a child understands why he should behave well and assume the commitment does not mean that the thing will change from one day to the next.

The child has a habit that will not change just because he is convinced that he should do it, so he will continue to do so as soon as he relaxes a bit. That’s why you have to go little by little. In addition, the child must realize the progress and ensure it.

A child who behaves badly is not a “bad boy”

Beware of labels. A child who behaves badly is not a bad child, much less is worse than someone who behaves well. The misbehavior of a child can be due to many reasons, such as a need for attention, a lack of solid models or negative influences of their environment, to name a few.

But if we persist in saying that they are bad because they misbehave and in comparing them with other children we will be creating even bigger problems in the child, problems that will be related to their self-esteem or their ability to relate, among others.