NOLLYWOOD 2000 - 2012
1. If you want someone discreetly killed, walk into any uncompleted building along your street.
You are sure to find assassins doing assassin things, like smoking weed, playing WHOT or LUDO and tying bandannas.
2. As a woman, you cannot suffer from malaria. If you vomit, you have collected preek.
3. Only one acceptable way to die by poisoning: thrashing about, eyes rolled up to God, while leaking toothpaste from the side of your mouth
4. The gods of the land are always angry.
5. Slaps is always faster than the speed of light, which is why recipients must confirm that they have indeed been slapped:
Kelly, did you just slap me?'
6. If you have a miscarriage, you must hasten to find out if patience Oziorkwu (mother-in-law) is in good terms with you.
7. An old person cannot die without starting a speech, coughing and sputtering midway, then dying abruptly (quite rude, if you ask me)..
8. Rich people sometimes have their relatives corpses in a small fridge in a room no one visits.
9. You must never finish the food given to you on set because the movie directors will eat too.
10. It is not safe to leave relatives (whom you love and plan on having around for a long time) around Kanayo O. Kanayo.
11. Nigerian witches don't see the practicality of meeting in air-conditioned board rooms with tea/biscuits. No, they must suffer themselves.
9. Nigerian village women cheat on their husbands in the bushes that lead to the stream. They cheat with bushmeat hunters or palmwine tappers.
10. If a bunch of young people throw a birthday party by a swimming pool it will lead to pregnancy, AIDS and nationwide family embarrassment
11. All car accidents happen as a result of people thinking deeply while driving or as a result of a ghost mistaking the car for an Uber,
The car ends up hitting a stone or a tree.
12. The only way to bring down an anointed pastor is to recruit a mermaid to bewitch him with her boobs.
13. Whenever a wicked second wife attempts to poison her rival's child, that is the DAYYYYYY her own child will eat the food.
It is science....
14. According to Nollywood, funny people are useless people.....
15. Lagos is the city of big dreams where you can make it, every good for nothing village person want to escape the village with their Ghana must go bag & village mentality.
16. The igwe must hear this': how Igbo people say 'the shit has hit the fan'
17. Ogbodo oyinbo aka amelica is heaven on earth.
18. If the husband dies mysteriously
the wife is to be blamed, she automatically becomes a witch. Village women will then make her look like African queen and family member will come for property.
19. Abomination!" or Aruuu!" are the only acceptable exclamations when a person commits suicide in the village.
20. Land dispute is the greatest war.
21. Evil forest is where you'll see evil spirits playing ten ten or suwe..
22. Holy characters like pastors or angels only wear white jalabia
23. The only way to introduce rich people is to show them eating fried rice and chicken
24. Wealthy people are always fully dressed inside their house, somebody will be chilling at home with full makeup
25. Every rich guy who’s got a fine girl will open doors for his babe to form love
26. Chinwetalu Agu Own every land in the village or he’s going to have it
27. When they about to have sex they start showing us panties thrown on the floor before they exit the scene
28. If the lead actress is going shopping with her man/side it's essential to show the entire journey i.e. pulling out of the house, traffic, getting out of the car, picking out clothes, paying for them, getting in the car, driving back home, get out of the car (again).
29. If the Prince comes back from America, make sure you try to become a maid at the palace, cus chances are you might be the next queen.
30. When on a quest across the seven mountains and seven forests, always go on halftime break to fight a demon underground. It's common sense
31. Every igbo movie with a village settings must have a drunkard that speaks the truth
32. Everyone has a friend named Emeka in the city
33. Whenever a witch or native doctor does an evil magic, just call on a pastor and boom, problem solved
34) God doesn't intervene nor the dead until the evil man have finished killing and suffering the wife and children
35) the moment you see a ghost you must start confessing as an evil man
36) when the witch appear she must laugh
37) God or an angel voice must be echoing
38. Once a person travels to the city for a short time....he must come back to the village with brand new car and loads of money
39. You must travel from the east to lagos in the hot afternoon and reach that same afternoon.
40) For a girl to become a prostitute, she just needs to stand by any random road, a rich man will pick her up
41. No need to start from part 1. Just listen to the soundtrack. no kind work wey MR ibu no go do
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