COPIED:

I met him two evenings ago.

Shaven head gleaming the moonlight that seeped through the leaves of the tree beneath which we sat.

In a roasted fish, goat, cow ribs and sweet potatoes joint in Lekki.

He was potbellied yet he was unrepentant as he wolfed down the food with a ponderous smile on his cherubic face.

A Kenyan.

But residing in Nigeria since 2012.

The CEO of a large multinational company.

An expatriate.

He took a break from masticating the huge chunk of goat meat he had put in his mouth and finished the beer in his cup in a continuous flow.

Then he tapped his distended stomach and went.

"Aaah."

His mouth was empty.

While swallowing the beer, he obviously had swallowed the meat.

His smile stopped for an instant.

He pounded his chest to dislodge the meat as it made its way down to his whiskey barrel of a stomach.

Then he smiled broadly and spoke.

His contribution to an ongoing discussion about the socio-economic and political in the country that was ensuing with the other three men, all Nigerians, who sat around the table we were.

"You see the problem with Nigeria is not just the corruption but the thinking. I am sorry to say, the average Nigerian does not think. They have all the degrees in the world, hold fancy positions, but they do not think."

He went quiet as though expecting a backlash and when none came, he continued.

"In other countries there is corruption, but the people think, so they know how their corrupt actions affect others and the country, in Nigeria, there is no thinking. Corruption is a fundamental human right here. It is the way of life. You people do not even bother to know how it has put you in the situation you are all complaining about, you don't know how it affects you, all you do as though it is second nature is corrupt yourself and others, while ignoring and denigrating anything that was put in place to make your country function."

He leaned forward.

The table pressed into his stomach.

And whispered.

"Just Ghana there thinks. See their country. See your country. Let me tell you a story. I went to Ghana without a yellow card, the immigration people or is it their health officers at the airport asked for it. I told him I had none. He said I cannot enter the country without one. I begged him o. He said I should find him something, I found him something."

Laughter.

He continued.

"Don't laugh na, I told you that Nigerians corrupt themselves and corrupt others. I have been corrupted. I will not lie, but listen to my story."

The laughter died down.

"So, the man went and brought the yellow card, told me to pay the official fee, filled all the relevant documents and then gave me the vaccinations, handed me the yellow card and let me go.

But in Nigeria when I came here without yellow card. Your people at the airport told me to find them something. I found them something. They gave me the yellow card and told me to go on my way. I asked them, won't you give me vaccination? They said there is no need. I told them but it is to protect me, to protect you, and protect others in the country. They laughed and said... "Don't worry, God will not allow any bad thing happen."

There was no laughter.

He continued.

"You see, they are corrupt and not thinking, they can't relate things or connect dots. They will stay there and complain about everything. Even the thing they are causing themselves, they will complain about it as though it is someone else that caused it."

He stopped, took a cube of meat, tossed it in his mouth and chewed.

We silently watched him.

He swallowed and continued.

"You people are saying things are hard in this country. I sit laughing at you. How many expatriates in your country have you seen complaining? I mean people doing legitimate business. They adapt, change strategy, do their work quietly, earn their money and leave. But you people who are used to free easy money will complain when the situation changes and for you to survive, you need to think. It is the thinking that worries you. That is why your president said you are lazy. You are mentally lazy. Even patience is too much of a demand for you. All you want to do is steal government money or profit from someone who has stolen it."

He did the piece of meat routine and chewed quietly as though gathering his thoughts, while we watched quietly.

Then he continued.

"You are all like a pickpocket at a bus-stop who has been stealing wallets for years and when people start keeping away their wallets and protecting their pockets, he starts complaining - This country is too hard. What is wrong with people? Why would they prevent me from picking their pockets? This is the worst time ever, we should remove the person that told them to protect their pockets - You see the pick pocket feels so entitled to what belongs to others, he does not even accept that what he is doing is wrong and cannot even think deep enough to change his location or even get a job. It is thinking that is your problem. Once you start thinking in this country, you will be great, but until then, it is people like me that will come here and profit from you, while you sit there complaining."

Just then his phone started ringing.

He picked it up.

"Hello. Ahhh good evening, your Excellency."

He stood up and waddled away in search of privacy.

One of the men at the table gave him the evil eye.

Then he said.

"It is high time we summon the liver and deport all these Africans in this country like we did the Ghanaians in the 80s."

The other man said to him.

"But you are working for a South African, if they deport him, what will happen to you?"

The first man sighed.

"Don't mind me jor, I was not thinking."

Lagos.

Jude Idada
November 22, 2018