TOPIC: Before You Say “I Do”
MEMORY VERSE: “Let all things be done decently and in order.” – 1 Corinthians 14:40

BIBLE PASSAGE: GENESIS 29:11-20

11 And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.

12 And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father’s brother, and that he was Rebekah’s son: and she ran and told her father.

13 And it came to pass, when Laban heard the tidings of Jacob his sister’s son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, and brought him to his house. And he told Laban all these things.

14 And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month.

15 And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be?

16 And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.

17 Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.

18 And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.

19 And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me.

20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.

LESSON INTRODUCTION:
The foundation of a godly marriage must be properly laid on sound moral and Biblical principles. Before the exchange of vows, where the Christian brother and sister will say ‘I do’, they should have passed through the phase of courtship and ensure that all things are done decently and in order. 1 Cor. 14:40; Amos 3:3. The intending couple should also watch out for some ‘red flags’ before saying ‘I do’.

LESSON OUTLINES

IMPORTANCE OF COURTSHIP
RED FLAG TO WATCH OUT FOR

1. IMPORTANCE OF COURTSHIP
Christian courtship is that period before marriage when a Christian brother or sister make plans, relate and reach a compromise on so many issues pertaining to their future together. Courtship is very important and necessary for the intending couple to observe during which proper biblical foundation must be laid in order to have a happy married life (1 Thess. 5:21). One vital issue that must be addressed during this period is to obtain the consent of both parents ( Gen.24:54-59). Courtship is a period to get to know each other intimately apart from carnal knowledge and illicit romance. (1 Cor. 6:18-20; Rom. 12:1-2). You can pray, study the Bible or attend Christian programs together but avoid hanging out in deviled and tempting places (2 Cor. 2:11; 1 Thess. 5:22). Know each other’s strengths and weaknesses,likes and dislikes, parents, etc. It is also expedient that you undertake marriage counselling lessons together during courtship (Prov. 11:14).
2. RED FLAG TO WATCH OUT FOR
There are a number of “red flags” to watch out for before entering a permanent marriage relationship. Unfortunately, these indicators may not be visible until after the wedding takes place, since some Christians are skilled at hiding their true natures or change with circumstances. However, a short list of things to look out for includes irrational jealousy, deception,

the strive to be in control( dominate the other partner), physical or emotional abuse/violence, a quick (hot) temper, cruelty towards animals, adherence to unscriptural traditional values, attempts to isolate the other person from his or her friends and family, drug abuse, smoking, disrespect for boundaries, privacy/personal space or low moral values.

If you see any of the warning signs or other strange behaviours in a persist you are entering a marriage relationship with, please pray and seek advice from spiritual leaders or marriage counsellors before you say ‘I do’ (Mark 14:38; Prov. 15:22; 19:20). Marriage should not be view as a ‘do or die’ affairs. You have a destiny to fulfill ( Jer. 29:11). You may consider the saying that ‘a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage’ and make a wise/ informed decision (Eccl. 10:10; 1 Core. 7:15b).

CONCLUSION: Watch and pray before you say “I DO”.

QUESTIONS

Discuss the importance of courtship.
Mention some of the red flags to watch out for before you say ‘I do’.
ASSIGNMENT: Find out five (5) things which parents should avoid in their children’s courtship.

For Further Reading: Eze. 36:26-27; Eccl.. 3:1-7; Eph. 3:16-20; Matt. 5:13; 2 Cor. 6:17, 1 Tim.6:6.