A FOOL AT TWENTY
might not give you what you expect English and grammar wise, plot, setting etc. Please pardon me, coz am not Englishically buoyant.
It is subject to constructive criticisms.
Thanks for your viewership.

EPISODE 1

I was just strolling on a fateful Saturday afternoon. My team (Chelsea) was having a match by 3:00pm; and since it was around 2:15pm, and Chelsea was the only big team playing at 3:00pm (Liverpool was earlier trashed 3:1 by an impressive Everton side in a Merseyside derby), I knew there will be enough space for my buttocks even if I arrived late (but I wouldn't dare miss setting my eyes on the starting lineup)
I briefly stopped to buy sugar-cane from a vendor.
Me: "Nawa-nawa rake" (how much is sugar-cane?).
Vendor: "Talatin ne Oga" (Oga it is #30 for each)
Me: "A'a, ni zan saya biyu Hamsin" (No, I will buy two for #50).
After much bargaining, he finally succumbed to my pricing/bargaining prowess.
Vendor: "Toh kawo hamsin din" (okay bring the #50)
I hurriedly brought out a sad and shabby looking #50 note, folded it twice (to prevent him from noticing the rough terrains at least until am long gone) and handed it to him with a suspicious smile. He gave me the sticks ( they were so thin that they could be mistaken for a set of drum sticks)
Vendor: "Kai Oga, wannan ta yage" (Oga, this note is torn).
I had already started pleading with him to accept it coz it's the only one I have ( I never dreamt of giving him the #100 in my pocket, because those guys in the viewing center will never accept any torn note even if its the shadow that is torn. and I needed to watch the next match by 5:30 pm) when a hilux van halted in front of us, and a heavily built man (should be in his late 50s) landed approached us and asked the vendor;
Man: "Nawa duka" (How much is all)
The sugar cane man had to ask again in disbelief. The man responded " nace nawa ne duka, ko Kai kurma ne "( I said how much is all, or are you deaf?). The man looks to be in a haste.
The vendor started counting but made a mistake while counting, no thanks to the nervousness mixed with excitement that sent shivers to his spine. He can best be described as someone who just inherited madness from his ancestors at that moment.
" Kana bata min lokaci fa" ( You are wasting my time), the man thundered with his vindieselike voice that almost paralyzed the rickety sugar-cane table, and almost made me take to my heels.
I was about thanking the vendor for accepting my poor #50 note with series of meandering edges ( even though he never told me he would accept); when a soft voice accompanied by a fresh breeze, rang the sweetest note into the tympanic membrane of my auditory apparatus called ear. My ear lobes had to re-adjust their direction to receive better signals with the help of my cranium (skull).

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE 2

Haba Daddy, calm down and allow the man concentrate now. A lady alighted from the right hand side of the hilux to meet the huge man standing by the sugar-cane table. I couldn't get a clear view of the lady before she got to the man I believe is her father. She was handling the man's right hand, and since I was standing by the left hand side of the man; I couldn't see the lady save for her freshly looking hands that were busy swinging her dad's hand. My eyes continued to swing like a pendulum Bob in resonance with the lady's swinging arms. How I wish it's my hand she's handling. I'd have to be taken to a psychiatric hospital the next day I dreamt.
The vendor had finished counting the sticks and excitedly announced the amount to the once angry and impatient but now calm and pacified gigantic man. "Nera Dari Tara da Talatin ne Oga" (Oga it's #930) . The man asked him to package the sticks for him. The vendor checked confusedly as though he had kept a big leather bag under his table. He briefly excused himself to go get a polythene bag.
I was about absconding, or better still leaving, when I remembered there was a sweet voice I needed to peruse the owner. She was partly masked by the man who wouldn't move forward or backward to allow me get a clear view. "wanni irin Maye ne wannan? ( What kind of a wizard is this man na?).
The man was growingly getting impatient part 2, while I was growingly getting annoyed and frustrated. As if he knew I was waiting for the littlest opportunity to view his daughter's curves, he then turned and faced the lady speaking a language I presumed to be "Idoma", thereby completely masking my poor, innocent and helpless looking eyes. I got angry and was about leaving ( after all what's the use of seeing her if I can't get to talk with her and probably get her contact?. There are many fishes in the river, if you catch one and it escapes, plunge deeper and catch another one. That's my Uncle's popular saying. Let me come and be going Jor)
The lady then chuckled and laughed a little as though she was making jest of me. She was actually laughing at the vendor.
What music did I just hear? I thought as I heard her laughed.
Chelsea, the players, the management can go to hell for all I care. How does watching Chelsea's match add a Kobo to my account balance na. Who that one ep na?. This is the kind of excuse I give when I have an important AP that's clashing with Chelsea's match. They can decide to get relegated. Mtcheeeew. I thought within micro seconds.
The vendor had arrived and was packaging the sticks, while I was on a brief journey to heaven to check if any Angel was missing. From that time I ceased to be my self. I became a confirmed emotionally obliterated fool.

The chuckle turned laughter was like music to my ear. I had to go back, but this time I sat on the vendor's bench whose legs were partly supported by bulky stones. The bench, I guess should be in its 80s, if I am to go into the world of woods and benches. It made a squeaking sound (exactly the sound of a mouse caught in a trap.) as it sagged downward. Who cares? as long as I can catch a glimpse of the owner of that sumptuous voice, that almost ripped apart the organs that were caged inside this bloody " Homo sapien" called "Nengak" ( my tribal nomenclature given to me by my parents which means; God is One). But you can call me "Nenny as am fondly called.
I began scanning and perusing the adorable and super-charming creature with my magnifying lenses called eyes and praying that something should delay the vendor, before I heard "Nagode Oga". "Allah maka albarka" ( Thank you Oga. may God bless you). She collected the sticks with a jaw dropping and eye plucking smile. I don die again. They marched to the stupidly waiting hilux van and wickedly zoomed off.
I was still lost in thought or still in paradise, when a hand tapped me on my shoulder. That brought me back to earth. I turned and saw the vendor asking me why I haven't left. probably, he must have forgotten about my torn note, or he had pardoned me. I cared less.
I was only able to grasp the ovally beautiful face that sent me to oblivion. I also knew that I over heard the dad called her with a name that ended with a "la". I couldn't really place it, but I guess it should be Daniela. Wooooow! What a lovely name for an angel like her, I thought. I went to my phone's diary and saved the date as the day I met Daniela my Angel.

Following this story back to back... Op, pls come and update

Following

EPISODE 4

My eyes had already sent message to my hypothalamus located in my brain which is cruelly imprisoned in the confines of my calcified cranium. Telling it to beg and stimulate my salivary gland to immediately commence the secretion and production of saliva. The guy collected the letter and reading the content, obliged and quickly commenced the secretion of volumes of undiluted saliva. The salivation was profuse until I tore a large flesh of sugarcane and began to masticate. Oh! I even have a match to watch. I pray this stubborn Tottenham team won't be stubborn today again ooo.
I slotted my earpieces into my already exhausted ears. I played my best love song titled " you don make me fall in love" by Dbanj to celebrate my newly found love (by faith..Oh ye of little faith). I excitedly and dancingly trekked to the Twenty47 viewing center. I did not realize how much of a spectacle I had turned into with my dancing and loud singing until I was greeted with stares and laughter from passersby and onlookers. I then relegated my self to only walking and lip singing as I completely devoured and annihilated the helpless sticks of sugarcane with the plantation of exoskeleton ruggedly arranged in my mouth called (teeth).
I briefly stopped by to empty my GP tank (bladder) at a nearby bush. I brought out my impatient watering can and properly irrigated the semi-dried and malnourished grasses with up to 2 litres of warm rainfall. They should be grateful you know, coz mine contains: urea +water = urine.
I finally got to Twenty47 viewing center at liberty boulevard, close to British America Junction in Jos metropolis. that's where I normally run to hide from my annoying friends anytime Chelsea is playing a tough match (Chelsea can disappoint like Nigerian government walai). The last time I watched such a match with them, I went home sobbing with swollen eyes ( As a man, I refused to cry). I'd prefer to watch such matches anonymously and console myself by listening to music(once beaten, twice shy. Me sef sabi English na. at least I get E8 for WAEC na).
I paid the fee and collected my ticket. I was about sitting my "gluteus maximus" (buttocks) down, when I checked the score. Mtcheeeew, not again na. Shey these guys are demons ni. they'll never allow Chelsea beat them ni.Ah ah now...It was just 20 minutes into the game, and Tottenham was already 1:0 up. I immediately picked up my phone and silenced it before my friends will run down my battery. I then remembered and started thinking of my Daniela; how I will kneel down and propose to her, and how she will shyingly close her eyes and say "Yes I do". (If you are jealous, then go and get your own. why are you complaining?).
It's a goooooooaal!. I unconsciously jumped to my feet and started shouting it's a gooooal!. Only to look at the screen to see Tottenham players celebrating 2:0 game over. I slumped to my chair in disappointment. First half ended. second half resumed and Chelsea started building momentum. Chelsea scored after 77 minutes to make it 2:1. I wanted to shout but decided to disguise as a "Dan adawa" (an opposition fan) or a neutral fan. I stayed glued to my chair and my heart was busy pounding yam inside my rib cage. please Chelsea score another goal, I prayed. Tottenham dominated the game. So I will be so glad to escape from "White Hart Lane" with a draw. When Chelsea were beginning to build up the tempo close to the end of the match with a few chances, then a certain Emmanuel Adebayor unsuspectingly noticed Chelsea's goalie, Petr Cech selling "Akara" outside the confines of his goal post, rifled a thunderous shot from 40 yards out. it's a goooooooooaaal!. The whole place answered. I don die. My friends go bury me today. Meanwhile, Missed calls had reached a staggering 45. That reminded me of the proverb: " When you are surrounded by vultures try not to die". Mooooogbe!. I has die. I has dead. I has deaded.

Haha... Twenty47 viewing center.
Thanks for the update bro

Hi

Hello everyone....Hope y'all are doing great. Updates are coming pretty soon... Just don't want u to have constipation and indigestion in ur precious brains..Lol
....So take ur time to digest diz ones
Twenty47, Ann2012 and Hada2020 I see y'all....U d best..

Ok... Am patiently waiting ooo.
By the way... You are not just the best but you are super bro.

Nice story...& very funny! Please, continue this story...we have digested the story

Nice story, following bumper to bumper

Mr chenzee abeg come update ooo

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE V

Lesson 1: When You are surrounded by, vultures try not to die. Tottenham Hotspur has killed me and those vultures (my friends) will be waiting to devour me. Let me switch my mode to speaking in tongues.
Lesson 2: Do not laugh at those who are drowning when you are yet to cross a river. Shey those friends of mine are a conglomeration of arsenal and Manchester united fans. Izoryt. I will hire a congregation of laughers and mourners for them a week before they lose.

I had to wait till it was around 11pm, before I decided to "nicodemusly" head for home. I brought out my phone to call my younger sister (Nenrot) to open the gate for me, but was greeted with 167 missed calls. Thank God I told you that my friends can be so annoyingly crazy. Now you can see for yourselves. My phone would have been crashing in the mortuary and getting ready for embalming and burial/cremation, had I not silenced it. I did not bother to check, though an infinitesimal number of persons might have called in-between.
The phone rang twice before I heard footsteps coming towards the gate from inside. I rushed with "sorry baby sis" before I saw my mum disappointedly standing in front of meeee. Good morning, amean good evening or good night mum, I stammered. Is this the example you want to set for your younger ones? She interrupted. Haba Mama, you did not even bother to ask me what happened that I returned home this late. I gently answered. Look at my hands and body na. [I had intentionally soiled my hands, jacket and Jean (concentrated on the knees) with red sand. I also lightly scraped my palms against a wall. All these I did in case of incasities which eventually came]
[Now, it's not like anyone will spank me oo. But I wanted to preserve the respect being accorded me by my parents. I am highly respected in my family, amongst my relatives and in my neighbourhood. In fact, I was once told by my sister and and younger cousin that, almost every parent makes reference to me when it comes to good virtues (please someone should hold me before I faint). They also told me that, children both younger and older than me were consistently told to emulate me. Did you just hear that? My head swell, burst into pieces that day. It took me the grace of God to pack the pieces and reassemble them oo]
My mum took some few seconds to examine my body. Ah ah!! what happened to you? She quickly asked. I cleared my unlubricated throat, and innocently answered. I was attacked by bandits. My mum shouted in surprise. I continued. They asked for my phone. I was about to start pleading and subsequently tell them that I was an orphan ( skipped the orphan part sha), when 2 huge dogs appeared from no where, started barking and approaching us. That gave me enough opportunity to run with all my energy. I ran and hid in an uncompleted building. I was there for almost two hours, until I was sure they were no longer in that street. My mum immediately locked the gate. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeh! sorry my son she said in bewilderment. she began to brush off the dust on my jacket with her hand (if I were still a kid, this would have been the right time to start sobbing, she would have cuddled me the more). And you did not call anyone, she asked. Noooo! Mama, I answered. I would have exposed myself now. OK, thank God you are safe now she continued. He used Dogs to save my son, may His name be praised (me dog? I did not see any dog oo.Lol, I thought). This government should do something about these jobless and useless children oo. I nodded in affirmation. This is how they would have injured or probably killed me sef I said. On hearing that, my mum started her usual castings and bindings ( My son shall not die young, the devil has no power over him.......). I started rushing inside, before she will open a church. She led me to the sitting room where I was aggressively welcomed by the usual loud snoring of my dad who was fast asleep in the master bedroom. I then entered the kitchen and met my food waiting for me. I instantly demolished a great mountain of "semovita" with a thick forest of well decorated and palatable "ogbono". It smoothly navigated its way through the once aggressive and coarse, but now super lubricated oesophagus down to my stomach. I drank 2 cupful of water and released a loud belch. I retired to my room and surrendered to my once sorrowful but now joyous bed (she taught I wouldn't come back, so romantic right?). Before I could say "Jesus wept" I was in dreamland. "Bon Nuit Mon amis" .Good night friends. See you tomorrow. Hug your beds and don't be jealous of my own oo.

Haha... This ur grammer ehn.
Anyways... Thanks for the update op

Phew!!! At last ....... Thanks for the update op

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE 6

I was all set for work after my unforgettable honey moon. I had left the bedroom and hurriedly had my breakfast, and was about leaving for work. Suddenly, my wife (Daniela) appeared from the bedroom. Where are you going to this early morning? She asked. Baby, I thought I told you I'll be resuming work today. The M.D will be traveling today, and I'm expected to oversee the office in his absence, I answered.

She started approaching me with this seductive look that kept me transfixed in that position like a bamboo tree. Haba now!! they should at least add jara (bonus) of one day for you now. I pleaded with her to allow me go (though, I was hoping that she will persist, coz there was this course, "BED 355" that I was supposed to lecture her.) and spend just few hours and come back, but she had already shut the door to her ears.

She immediately rushed to the door, lucked it and threw the keys into her cleavage. Come get it, she beckoned. Ah!!!. The only persons that can stop me from obliging to this request will be my two other gorgeous wives (Meagan Good and Christina Milan), I soliloquized. Immediately, the whole blood in my ecosystem started boiling and began streaming down to the spongy cells of that naughty professor holding a seminar in my boxer shorts. She bursted in to an uncontrollably ecstatic laughter after noticing the bulge in my trouser. It was trying to break loose from its imprisonment and getting very painful with every passing second. (I know you've experienced that before)

Your oga is refusing you food abi. Come to mummy and eat good food, she beckoned at my Junior (in my groin) who had really bulged to express its anger. I did not allow her finish talking before I started chasing and rounding the room with her to the amazement of Kate (the house maid). I finally pounced on her, seized her with the remaining Kilojoules of energy left in me straight to "za oda room" (bedroom). I started stroking and gently pulling her hair with my left hand and perusing her body with the right hand. She was cuddling and licking every single part of my body bit by bit...I was so enjoying it, that I didn't know when I started telling her to go gently, gently, gently.

Suddenly, a very hot slap landed on my face and almost blinded my left eye. Are you stupid? What is wrong with you? A very deep voice thundered in the dark. I became seriously startled.

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE SEVEN

I hurriedly put on my phone's flashlight. To my amazement, I saw my uncle (uncle Dimka) lying beside me, gently rubbing and scratching his beard.I almost ran out of the room. Are you stupid, you are smooching your uncle? You almost ripped off my entire beard, he barked. It was then, I realized I had been dreaming and have been pulling his beard and rubbing his body instead of Daniela's hair and body. So it was a dream. So I'm not married, I thought. I just have to continue that dream. I then regrettably apologized to him after the family devotion. He accepted after explaining everything to him, and then he told me how he had earlier called me twice upon his arrival when he met my absence. He then went to gist with my sisters in their room.

My uncle likes keeping this long and unkempt beard (so disgusting). My parents have spoken to him several times, to at least brush it and make it look neat, if he won't trim it, but all the preachings fell on deaf ears He would always say the long beards is for respect, while the untidiness is to scare away demons. I almost started believing in the latter. He normally sleeps in my room any time he comes around.

My younger sister then rushed to meet me and my uncle in my room. What happened, who died?? She asked with a confused look and handing out the sympathy card my friends had given her to give me. It's your bear-bear that's dead I cut in. She quietly left without uttering any word.

****************************************************
I know you will be wondering, who is this bloody son of a woman? ( I know what you had in mind. I forgive you sha).
Alright, I am Nengak (Nenny, for those who can't pronounce properly). I'm a bona fide indigene of Plateau state. I'm Ngas by tribe. Calabar people will know my village just the way they know the road to their mouths. We exchange dogs for palm oil. "We chop dog pieces, but we no reach these Calabarians". I once saw two huge dogs run mad, just because they saw a car carrying "CAL" on its number plate. "I begin pick race to oo" before the people in the càr will change their mind na.

I come from a family of six.
My Dad is a lecturer with the state Polytechnic. He is fair in complexion . He is a professional snorer (he can SNORE for Africa). Why isn't there a snoring competition, say in the Olympic games na?? We wouldn't have had enough room to keep our medals ( Why would you be jealous? When men were learning trade on snoring, where was your dad?). He once came back from work early, and sternly warned that no one should tell any of his friends that he was around coz he doesn't want to be disturbed. And we àll know his snoring can be heard from about 200 meters afar off. Some times, the wavelength can reach up to an amazing 355 meters. All of us ran outside to go and play.​

You are not serious, how can one say such about his/her father? But I think you are trying to digress from the main story, thanks for the update by the way

francium001:
You are not serious, how can one say such about his/her father? But I think you are trying to digress from the main story, thanks for the update by the way

Lol... There is a bit of fiction, and I'm driving you to a destination. Don't wanna derail...Thanks for the scolding and observation man...I'll do something about it...

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE EIGHT

My mum is an easygoing, dark complexioned, exceptionally religious woman and a diligent nurse. Her love for God is amazingly baffling. I still feel it's her love for God and her prayer life that always moved God to consistently spare our lives.

I am a graduate of bachelor of engineering (Agricultural and Bio-resource Engineering) from the prestigious Ahmadu Bello University Zaria. I almost couldn't graduate after spilling and splashing, before finally graduating with a third class. Though it wasn't completely my fault. I grew up loving biology with all my organs, but not even a cell in me admired maths from a distance. What I saw in agricultural engineering was almost completely mathematics and physics. We were the jacks of all trade, but masters of none ( we offered courses in all the departments of my faculty and even others, but no one offered ours). I always struggled to get an "E" in general maths while in secondary school. I ran away from technical drawing because of my below average score and my physics teacher then was spiritually married to burukutu (locally brewed alcohol), he would hardly complete a period after reeking the whole classroom with disgusting smell from alcohol. Then I mysteriously found myself studying and practising "strength of materials, engineering drawing (E.g sectioning), engineering mathematics and advanced engineering mathematics. That was when I knew I was a billy-goat. I just went there to dig my grave. From thenceforth, I became an escort in that faculty.

Since I was later able to graduate after using carry-over to sew "agbada", "na me come dey like the Engr. title pass everybody" (I'm just trying to fulfill the saying " it's the empty barrels that make the loudest ear damaging noise" it's not my fault now, without people like us, that saying wouldn't be a fact).

I was now waiting for my NYSC, coz I missed the batch A and had to wait till June, for batch B.

I applied for a job in a cyber cafe. After a week, I was called to resume work that will pay me #200 per shift. I didn't hesitate to accept the offer, since I was always idle at home. The only thing I was used to doing, was to sit outside with my friends and be analysing ladies that will pass by. We will sometimes experiment our scoping and toasting prowess on some unsuspecting ladies.

On the Monday I was to resume work at the cafe, I dressed corporately in my suit (I hated corporate wears). After I trekked some few meters, I'd already started panting and sweating like a castrated pig that just saw a ghost. I removed the suit jacket and continued trekking. On arrival, my new boss started barking at me for coming 10mins late. She scanned me with her eyes, then she asked me to go get my credentials I'd submitted earlier, from one of her staff called Jummai. On getting there, I couldn't believe what my eyes saw...

Interesting. ..mmmoooorrrrreeeeee

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE IX


Words had completely dried up from my mouth. I stood transfixed for some seconds, piercing her with the unwavering stare that came from my flabbergasted twin optical instruments (eyes). I open-mouthedly ( at that point, my mouth had also become an organ of sight, with the way it was wide open) scanned and analysed every single curve and edge on her well endowed and parabolic body. Nenny!!! she uttered in a confused but ecstatic manner that made me jumped back to reality. Enyo!!! before I could continue, she attacked me with a voracious and mind-blowing hug that almost sent me to Paradise (it's because I'm a full time virgin that's why I'm not used to stuffs like these ooo). Now, I wouldn't have gone to Paradise ooo; but this lady refused to let go of me, instead she held on to me even tighter this time around not minding how much her already well endowed soft and succulent but turgid mammary gland that was initially looking at me was now pressing and threatening the existence of my rib cage. She continued to press on harder. That was when I confirmed that it wasn't stream water that flows through me but blood.

At that point, my bull-headedly stubborn and unschooled professor, was trying to poke its way through my trouser. why dost thou persecutest me ( in king James version). Then suddenly, my new boss thundered, what are you still doing there young man? Emm emmmm , she just found it Ma, I answered. All the while, Enyo had no single clue of what was transpiring in my trouser. We immediately broke loose from the long but adventurous embrace (Thank God ooo, I would have poked her with my bazooka. "Where I for keep my head na". I then quickly whispered to her what madam had sent me to get. She hurriedly traced the documents ( my credentials) and properly arranged them. My bazooka was still not ready to sleep ooo.If I untuck my shirt from my trouser, it wouldn't look good coz I'm just coming and could easily arouse suspicion from Enyo and every one. in split a second, I thought of what to do. I pretended to be looking at a poster on the wall, thereby backing her, so she wouldn't notice the bulge in my trouser. As she was trying to hand over the documents to me, I mistakenly but deliberately let it slip from my hand, still facing the wall. The documents splattered on the floor (at least this could buy me enough time to fix my self). Oh sorry! Enyo pleaded. I should be the one apologizing, I retorted as we instantaneously bounced to the floor and packed everything. This time, I avoided eye contact to avoid stories that touch ooo.

I took the documents to Madam. After series of bashful rantings, she collected. She then told me to go meet Jummai (Enyo) again, to give me a little task to perform, as I commence my one week probation. probation? I asked unconsciously. "Wetin you want before", she answered. I began moving towards the cubicle where Enyo was . "If you like go hug am again", she added. That slowed me down a bit. Madam, you said? I asked in shock. I said, go and fry your head, she answered. (This woman na "tolotolo". So she had her eye on us. 200 naira work, na him she come dey para for person. If no be because of Enyo, I for just commit for here wallai)
****************************************************

Enyo used to be my primary school crush. I didn't start crushing on her until one fateful and unforgettable Friday morning in school. I was in primary 4A, while she was in primary 3C. Enyo was a very stubborn but pretty girl. When she smiles, laughs or even cries, her dimpled cheeks sink into her mouth. If you are not careful, you will pee in your panties. I once thought she had a hole in the inside of her cheeks, coz those dimples were a sight to behold. You could confuse it for a safe. One could drop some thing in there and come back to find it there.

she was so agile that she competed with, if not bettered the boys in racing and especially tree climbing. I once hated her for her stubborn nature. But things changed on that Friday morning. Boys wear red shorts and red check shirts while the girls wear red pinafore checks.
She once came to my class during break see one of her friends. When she was about leaving, she turned to us (myself and 2 of my friends) and shouted "Olodo boys." We left what we were initially doing and gave her a hot chase. Omoh!! that girl na correct sprinter. She ran and climbed a very large tree.

Still following

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE 10
We rushed and started stoning her.

Since she was up on the tree, the gown she wore was wide open for us to see her red laced panties that matched with her uniform. Fortunately for me, the morning breeze was intermittently aggressive. It will excitedly open wide the gown to my viewing pleasure (I started looking intently as though I'd seen a ripe fruit that was about to drop). From that time on, I stopped seeing any one there except my ripe mango. I guess, the other boys kept throwing stones. But as for me, I was in wonderland.

I stood there waving and now amiably telling her to come down. Any effort she made to come down, reduced my viewing horizon. I stylishly continued coming closer to the tree and directly underneath her to enhance a clearer and better view. If school were to be as fun as this, I'd come to school on sick bed, I thought. All the while, I didn't hear the ringing of the bell for the commencement of the assembly, until another bell rang in my ear. An ear-deafening slap landed on my excited earlobe that sent loads of vibration to my tympanic membrane. The shock immediately broke open my already collapsing ossicles and semi-circular canals. I instantly lost balance and plunged to the ground. I lost use of my senses for about two seconds before I came back to full consciousness.

That car owner must be jailed, I soliloquized in micro seconds. That slap was too hot to be from a human being. I got up to see the most feared teacher in the planet (Uncle Peter) standing in front of me. Can someone please teach me how to faint. If not because I had a piss some moments ago, I would have irrigated the whole school with my molten pee.

"The monkey that loves dancing on a broken branch might not live to tell his pathetic story"

Kneel down there, he ordered me. I was about to start crying, the next thing I saw was Enyo kneeling down beside me. I had to abruptly rewind and reverse the sobs that were about to start gushing out of my mouth. We stayed there till after the assembly. I was flogged about ten lashes, while she was given five. Enyo cried out profusely, while I managed to suppress mine until I was sure Enyo had entered her class. I couldn't continue suppressing the already accumulated cry ("e don accumulate reach my throat"). "I rush enter toilet, enjoy my cry". During break, I saw Enyo describing how strong I was, gesticulating how I didn't even feel the 10 strokes I was given. See celebrity. I thought I had gotten her with that single act of brave cowardice. Nah! It's like she hated me the more.

I didn't relent in my childish love for Enyo. I met my friend (Jinan) who's dad was a traditional doctor to help me with the recipe on how to make Enyo madly fall in love with me. We grew up believing the Agama Lizard and love myth. I met Jinan and he taught me how to make the concoction. He just forged some thing and told me, which I believed seeing his dad is a native doctor.

I spent the whole day hunting Agama Lizard in company of my friends. I was told to cut off the head of a mature agama, sun-dry, grind into powder and empty into a small leather. Keep it airtight, in a cool dry place, away from high temperature until I'm about to use. I should apply on the spot where the supposed victim will urinate. She will love me beyond imagination. " Who no love love"?

Well done OP

Ann2012:
Well done OP

Lol.... Thanks Ma'am...How r u now?

Chenzee:


Lol.... Thanks Ma'am...How r u now?

I'm fine, u?

A FOOL AT 20

EPISODE 11

Since we lived in the same neighbourhood (with Enyo, but I prefer calling her Enyi ), it gave me a wide range of opportunity to execute my dastardly and pshycho-spirited plan.

I carefully and thoroughly prepared my well concocted love charm. I just couldn't wait to start my fairy tale love adventure with Enyi. I started trailing and monitoring her every movement. But the girl won't just pee outside. She just stopped peeing outside, why now?. What kind of a bull-headedly stubborn girl is this now? I always moved around with my love charm carefully packaged inside my ink stained pockets (virtually all my pockets, both breast and trouser pockets were permanently stained with biro ink. I was a pen mechanic by profession), in case of incasities/emergency. I kept at this for about three frustrating weeks, before luck shone on me.

"The stubborn grass-cutter that continues to evade the trap of the hunter will one day end up in the belly of the hunter"

" The patient dog, they say eats the fattest bone", while " the patient man chews the bulkiest flesh". She is too gorgeous to be a bone. And I've toiled so hard to eat a bone na. I was born in Kano, specifically zoo road. So I should have the devouring ability of a tiger na.

One fateful night, while we were playing under the bright watching eyes of the moonlight (we call it wasan dare in Hausa, I.e night play); it was normal then for children to play with their peers sometimes till around midnight before going to bed. This was mostly during holidays, as our parents hardly complain. I was beginning to get tired of moving around with my already exhausted love charm. Hope was almost lost. I started heading for home, when I noticed Enyo coming out from a nearby maize farm. I shrugged it and continued moving. Almost Immediately, I remembered I had a yet to be completed self imposed task.

I subconsciously began to brainstorm ( What took her to that place alone?). Before I could finish brainstorming, I'd already seen myself standing on a gorgeous and wet circular patch of pee that was beginning to move towards me like a snake. Up til now I really can't tell how I got there so fast. It was a rainy season, perhaps the soil around there was almost saturated with water. My eyes almost popped out of their sockets, and my heart dancingly jumped in utter relief and joy, just like a Cop who's finally caught this notorious criminal . This is a sight to behold. Alas! I've made it. The pee was almost done infiltrating into the soil.

Within nanoseconds, I had stooped and ejected the whole stuff into the impatiently vanishing pee, though I was told to just dole out a little quantity. I wouldn't take any chance, coz I wanted over doze of the love. I was told, once I could complete the task, she will come begging me for love, starting from the next morning. She would endlessly cry out my name until she sees me. I couldn't wait till the next morning. I wanted her to start immediately.

I kept a distance and jubilantly observed her, should she start calling out my name. I waited a bit but nothing was forthcoming. I became apprehensive. After a while she held her Younger sister's hand and they headed home. As they were going, I coincidentally and deliberately stood along their route home so she could clearly see me while passing. But she passed me as one will pass a stone. I began to pant like someone who just finished a 100 meter race. But I took solace in the fact that the charm will start working tomorrow, since the overdose did not trigger immediate response. We headed home after my sister was sent to call us ( my brother and I).

Ann2012:


I'm fine, u?

Had a little accident about three months ago....But thank God, I'm recuperating speedily... Thanks for asking....

Chenzee:


Had a little accident about three months ago....But thank God, I'm recuperating speedily... Thanks for asking....

Sorry about that, wishing you quick recovery

Ann2012:

Sorry about that, wishing you quick recovery

Amen and thanks dear...