HOW TO SURVIVE ON ELECTION DAY:
For those without PVC
1)- Wake up.
2)- Pray
3)-Stay close to your phones, TV and radios. Information is very vital at every given time
4)- Encourage those who have PVCs to go out and vote
5)- If you have a car or any means of transportation, please you could be nice enough to help convey folks to their polling units
6)- Don't try to convince those voting to change their minds or their preferred candidates.
For those with PVC
1) First of all,hugs!
Y'all are the real MVPs!
2)- Sleep tight with the PVC in your hands. Keep out of reach of children, moisture, and vengeful rodents all of who could have been bribed at the last minute to frustrate your voting rights.
3)- Wake up on time!
Don't oversleep the day away mbok.
The future of Naija depends on you!
4)-Errrmmm.....
Please for goodness sakes have a bath and brush your teeth before going to stand in queues.
Don't add body and/or mouth odour to the already numerous challenges of the Nigerian electorate.
Love your neighbor!
5) - Don't go to any polling units with a lunch box or anything that can be remotely mistaken for a ballot box.
To be safe, bring or buy meals wrapped in leaves or newspapers.
Use transparent ragolis bottles for your drinks too. Better safe than sorry Nwanne!
6) - Keep a polite distance away from armed personnel.
Don't even smile at them before it is mistaken for mockery or civilian insubordination or sheer unpatriotism.
Just bone, vote and go!
7)- To the randy men amongst us, standing in queues isn't an opportunity to squeeze or rub against women before or behind you.
Oga, respect yourself!
- To the Slay queens amongst us, please this is not an opportunity to wear your 42 inches high heels.
Standing in queues issa very serious and loooong process! Happy are those who go to the polling units in flat sandals and bathroom slippers.
9)- To the Pregnant women and nursing mums, please make friends with the female security agents around. They could be of help.
10)- To the Mums (and Dads) with babies strapped on their backs, please don't allow them grab ballot boxes when your backs are turned.
Buhari didn't specify age oooh....Ehen.
11) - If a ballot box falls to the ground infront of you, do not bend to pick it. I repeat; DO NOT BEND TO HELP INEC PICK IT! Raise your two hands in the air and cry out to declare your innocence.
Call on God,just in case.
Or whatever deity you serve.
Atheists, you may call on Charles Darwin.
12)- At the sound of gunshots, don't run. Fall to the ground immediately. Bullets whizz through the air and running makes you a bigger target.
13)- After voting, go straight home. Forget all that talks of staying to defend your votes, you're neither police nor army.
Don't join overzealous groups of political critics to debate or argue over anything.
Some of those dudes will run faster than you when yawa gas oooo!
You want them to catch you and brand you a trouble maker disturbing the peace?
Go straight home to your family and loved ones.
14)- To the slay kings amongst us, Ndi Bigz Boyz. Please don't dress unnecessarily rough and rugged to polling units.
Most of the Nigerian police still believe dreads, tattoos and sagging trousers automatically equates to people being gay or criminals.
Nna, don't draw unnecessary attention to yaself biko.
(By the way, please leave the Biafran branded t-shirts and flags at home. Don't be silly in public!)
May Heaven help us all.

Mynd44 OAM4J

Hahaha

Ogbiwa, idiro serious bro