What is conflict?

Conflict, according to Michael Nicholson, is an activity which takes place when conscious beings (individuals or groups) wish to carry out mutually inconsistent acts concerning their wants, needs or obligations.
Rakhim defines conflict as an interactive process manifested in incompatibility, disagreement or dissonance within or between social entities. Rakhim also notes that a conflict may be limited to one individual, who is conflicted within himself (the intrapersonal conflict).
Generally, conflict is an escalation of a disagreement, which is a common prerequisite, and is characterized by the existence of conflict behavior, in which the beings are actively trying to damage one another. Conflicts can occur between individuals, groups and organizations; examples include quarrels between individuals, labor strikes, competitive sports, or armed conflicts.

The various ways of managing conflict are described below:
1. Accept conflict: Remember that conflict is natural and happens in every ongoing relationship. Since conflict is unavoidable we must learn to manage it. Conflict is a sign of a need for change and an opportunity for growth, new understanding, and improved communication. Conflict can not be resolved unless it is addressed with the appropriate individual (s).
2. Be a calming agent: Regardless of whether you are being a sounding board for a friend or you are dealing with your own conflict, your response to the conflict can escalate or decrease the intensity of the problem. To be calming, provide an objective or neutral point of view. Help plan how you are going to work with the other party to achieve resolution.
3. Listen actively: Work through how you feel, what the specific problem is and what impact it is having on you. Use I -based statements to help do this (see formula below).
I feel (strongest feeling)
When you (objective description of the behavior)
Because (specific impact or consequences)
I would like (what you want the person to do in the future to prevent the problem)

4. Analyze the conflict: This will help clarify the specific problem. Some questions that you may ask are:
What triggered the conflict?
Who are you angry with?
What are you not getting that you want?
What are you afraid of losing?
Is your conflict/anger accurate or over exaggerated?
How can your conflict be resolved?
5. Model neutral language: When people are in conflict they use inflammatory language such as profanity, name calling, and exaggerations that escalate the conflict. Restate inflammatory language in a more objective way to help make the information less emotionally laden and more useful for future discussions.
6. Separate the person from the problem: View the problem as a specific behavior or set of circumstances rather than attributing negative feelings to the whole person. This approach makes the problem more manageable and hopeful than deciding you “can’t stand” this person any longer.

7. Work together: This requires that each person stop placing blame and take ownership of the problem. Make a commitment to work together and listen to each other to solve the conflict.
8. Agree to disagree: Each person has a unique point of view and rarely agrees on every detail. Being right is not what is important. When managing conflict, seeking the “truth” can trap you rather than set you free. For example, consider the differing testimony of witnesses that all see the same car accident. Truth is relative to the person’s point of view.
9. Focus on the future: In conflict we tend to remember every single thing that ever bothered us about that person. People in conflict need to vent about the past but they often dwell on the past. Often the best way to take ownership of the problem is to recognize that regardless of the past, you need to create a plan to address the present conflict and those that may arise in the future.

10. Move past positions: A position is the desired outcome of a conflict. Often the position is “I need a new roommate” or “This person is impossible to live with.” Positions are not negotiable and result in impasse. To resolve conflict, each person has to “move past positions.”
11. Share your interests: To solve interpersonal conflict, all parties must talk about their interests or the WHYs behind their positions. They must share their true interests and work together to find a solution that satisfies those interests. Common interests for students are to sleep, study, entertain and relax in a comfortable atmosphere. Often their interests are more intangible such as respect, belonging, friendship, and fun. When individuals have differing lifestyles, values, and schedules the need to discuss their differences is critical in managing conflict. You must develop a balanced plan of give and take that satisfies everyone’s interests.
12. Be creative: Finding a resolution to the problem that satisfies everyone requires creativity and hard work. Be careful not to give in simply to avoid conflict or maintain harmony. Agreements reached too early usually do not last. Generate silly options to begin thinking “outside of the box” of original positions.

13. Be specific: When problem solving be very specific. For example if you are using a roommate agreement to facilitate the discussion make sure that everyone fully understands each point that is written down. Clarify ambiguous terms that each person may interpret differently.
14. Maintain confidentiality: Encourage others who are in conflict to deal directly with the person they are in conflict with. Avoiding the conflict and venting to others tends to escalate the conflict and fuels the rumor mill. If rumors are already part of the conflict, encourage them to work out a plan to put an end to the gossip. Do your part to quell rumors.
15. Look beyond the incident: The source of the conflict might be a minor problem that occurred months before, but the level of stress has grown to the point where the two parties have begun attacking each other personally instead of addressing the real problem. In the calm of your office, you can get them to look beyond the triggering incident to see the real cause.

16. Request solutions: As a mediator, you have to be an active listener, aware of every verbal nuance, as well as a good reader of body language. Just listen. You want to get the disputants to stop fighting and start cooperating, and that means steering the discussion away from finger pointing and toward ways of resolving the conflict.
17. Agreement: The mediator needs to get the two parties to shake hands. Some mediators go as far as to write up a contract in which actions and time frames are specified. However, it might be sufficient to meet with the individuals and have them answer these questions:
What action plans will you both put in place to prevent conflicts from arising in the future?
What will you do if problems arise in the future?
18. Acknowledge that a difficult situation exists: Honesty and clear communication play an important role in the resolution process. Acquaint yourself with what's happening and be open about the problem.

19. Let individuals express their feelings: Some feelings of anger and/or hurt usually accompany conflict situations. Before any kind of problem-solving can take place, these emotions should be expressed and acknowledged.
20. Define the problem: Meet with employees separately at first and question them about the situation.
What is the stated problem?
What is the negative impact on the work or relationships?
Are differing personality styles part of the problem?
21. Determine underlying need: The goal of conflict resolution is not to decide which person is right or wrong; the goal is to reach a solution that everyone can live with. Looking first for needs, rather than solutions, is a powerful tool for generating win/win options. To discover needs, you must try to find out why people want the solutions they initially proposed. Once you understand the advantages their solutions have for them, you have discovered their needs.
22. Find common areas of agreement, no matter how small:
Agree on the problem;
Agree on the procedure to follow;
Agree on worst fears;
Agree on some small change to give an experience of success.

23. Find solutions to satisfy needs: Problem-solve by generating multiple alternatives Determine which actions will be taken Make sure involved parties buy into actions. (Total silence may be a sign of passive resistance.) Be sure you get real agreement from everyone.
24. Determine follow-up you will take to monitor actions: You may want to schedule a follow-up meeting in about two weeks to determine how the parties are doing.
25. Determine what you'll do if the conflict goes unresolved: If the conflict is causing a disruption in the department and it remains unresolved, you may need to explore other avenues. An outside facilitator may be able to offer other insights on solving the problem. In some cases the conflict becomes a performance issue, and may become a topic for coaching sessions, performance appraisals, or disciplinary action.

REFERENCES:

AMA - American Management Association (2019). "The Five Steps to Conflict Resolution". Retrieved March 17, 2019 from: https://www.amanet.org/training/articles/the-five-steps-to-conflict-resolution.aspx
Clarke University. "Tips for Managing Conflict". Retrieved March 17, 2019 from: https://www.clarke.edu/campus-life/health-wellness/counseling/articles-advice/tips-for-managing-conflict/
UC Berkeley. "Resolving Conflict Situation". Retrieved March 17, 2019 from: https://hr.berkeley.edu/hr-network/central-guide-managing-hr/managing-hr/interaction/conflict/resolving
Wikipedia (2019). "Conflict (Process)". Retrieved March 17, 2019 from: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_(process)