PATIENCE OZOKWOR'S MARITAL STORY, A COMMON PARTERN FOR WOMEN IN NIGERIA | SACRIFICING HAPPINESS TO PLEASE FAMILY.

By Sunday Imonah

Since the revelations shared by popular Nollywood actress, Patience Ozokwor AKA Mama Gee about her marriage and the circumstances surrounding it, the internet has known no end to the topic.

Different reactions have trailed her disclosure of how her mother had played a major controlling role in her early marriage which happened with a man she chose for her while abandoning the one she actually loved.

Now is a good time to get your tea, popcorn or smoothie, relax and read why this is not new in Nigeria, most married women today especially those from the previous generation and some from today's set sacrificed their dreams and happiness just to please family by marrying men they felt nothing for, at least at the beginning.

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As reported by Punch News on Saturday, March 23, 2019, the actress while granting the interview said that she could not resist her mother because during her days as a youth, parents usually decided who their children would marry.

Though the choice was not hers, Patience Ozokwor, said she decided to stayed in her union for many years causing people to think that they were betrothed.

The actress who is now 60 years old and a grandmother quickly added and said "No, I wasn’t betrothed to him, but my mother was a kind of woman that always liked to punish any child that misbehaved publicly.

"You know all those Christian mothers that would be in the disciplinary section to punish children. So, she didn’t want her child to come out of secondary school and not get married because she was afraid you could bring her to where she had been punishing people.

"So she insisted I must get married. I said okay but I had a suitor. But she said no. I didn’t know what to do because I had put all my eggs in one basket; he was in the University of Nigeria, Nsukka.

"I was waiting to go to school so that I would marry him but my mother wouldn’t wait. So I had to obey her. There was a big fight but in our days, you would not be the one to say I will marry this person; it was your parents that would have the final say in your marriage, so I had to give up."
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This narrative by the Nollywood veteran is not new to Nigerians, though the practice is fast fading away thanks to exposure, education and more young people who are not afraid to put up intense resistance to the practice, not minding the risks of doing so.

ARRANGED MARRIAGES.

An arranged marriage can be defined as one in which the family or parents choose a partner for their child or relative. Usually love and compatibility is not considered when doing this.

CONSEQUENCES OF REJECTING ARRANGED MARRIAGES.

1. Conflict with parents or guardians may occur and last for some time, this has not stopped younger generations from fighting and rejecting it.

2. Austrasicing children who reject arranged marriages is not uncommon because there are numerous reports of parents who have disowned their own children because of this.

3. Financial difficulties may occur where the child still depends on the parents financially as such parents often use finances as bait to force the child to obey.

#Note: these have not stopped the continuous rejection of most arranged marriages today.

PURPOSE OF ARRANGED MARRIAGES.

It is done to cement friendship between two families especially when they have been close friends for long or have simply been doing business together. The hope is that their children would continue the relationship, speak of the rich marrying the rich.

Other families do it for religious or tribal reasons to prevent their children from moving away from a particular lifestyle or practice they have taught them to strange ones they do not like and finally many parents do it because of money.

REPERCUSSIONS.

Sadly, for many of those women who got married to strangers in order to please family, things usually fell apart one way or the other, it usually didn't always resulted in divorce but rather mostly a stale boring and confined marriage, they usually ended up getting consolation from their children and not the husband I. e. for those with kids. Those without kids had to cope with the intrusion of concubines who either ended up as second and third wives or stayed as just concubines.

Those who ended up happy with their family's chosen partner are very few in contrast going by reports.

THE FRAGILE NARRATIVE | MARITAL QUAGMIRE FOR WOMEN.

This completely changes the popular narrative that marriages in the past were better and lasted longer than those of today. True, going by registry data, marriages from back then actually lasted longer but were they HAPPY? Both men and women who were rushed into arranged marriages only managed to stay and were not at all happy going by media reports.

Recent revelations from a staggering amount of women who married for family, granting interviews and speaking now more than ever before have shown a clear pattern. Many of them simply tolerated their partners who were not their original choices as against actually loving them. This in itself has repercussions on the marriage and children.

WHY DIVORCE IS HIGHER TODAY THAN 30 YEARS AGO.

Simply put, the younger generation do not have the patience to pretend and stay in a marriage they're not enjoying like their parents did. Once they're not happy with the marriage, they end it and go chase their dreams.

The News Agency of Nigeria published a report in April 4th of 2017 were lawyers decried the rising rate of divorce Nigeria and these lawyers blamed it on:

1. Unpreparedness before going in.
2. Arranged marriages.
3. Avoiding sex talk (Sexual Compatibility).
4. Third party interference.
5. Finances.

One of the layers Abdulkarim Shaibu, said that many people that went into marriage do not understand what marriage was all about.

He said; “What you see at times are marriages arranged by parents for their children, this is mainly among the elite, and they tend to control their lives by dictating how they should live.

“The consequences are what we see playing out now, where couples cannot tolerate one another because there is always a third party in the marriage.”

Shaibu said that most couples were not prepared to face the realities, they fix their mind on a particular thing instead of their partner, mainly wealth, and if not there, the marriage will not last.

He stressed the need for parents to educate their children on the challenges in marriage to enable them take the right decision instead of trying to control them.

Another lawyer, Christie Nwaka, said many do not even know what they want from the marriage and it breaks down and finally ends in divorce.

“People are always deceived by physical appearances or wealth, and there are usually serious challenges when people who come together because of mundane things are confronted with serious issues."

On intimacy she said “Another serious issue in marriage which people refuse to talk about is sexual intercourse, it can break a marriage when it is not properly addressed and lack of communication between couples too."

She appealed with parents to allow their children to run their homes in their own way and stop interfering in any negative way.

It was made clear by the lawyer that" Marriage as an institution should be respected and the only way to do that is to teach and prepare those going into marriage on what marriage is all about and how to make success of it.”
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Patience Ozorkwor's story is just another story amongst millions in Nigeria, men and women have been throwing their lives away just to please family and the resulting marriages have been less than appealing.

Alas this generation unlike patience who refused to devorce her husband due to her thinking that it is a sin, have more people willing to divorce regardless religious undertones.

She said she regrets abandoning the man she loved for the one her mother forced her to marry, she regrets her marriage and would have loved to have a choice in the matter.

Patience Ozokwor is brave and I commend her courage, her story has helped many to see the ills of arranged marriages and needless family interference in a couple's domestic affairs.

Let this sink in... Divorce and separation will only increase once young people are not well prepared before jumping into marriage that many now see as mere social status amongst other wrong perceptions.

Can we turn the tides before it is too late? Only time will tell...

This bloger get time o. U write this thing come expect me make I read am till the end?