I sat in my living room and decided to reminisce. I didn’t turn cold-hearted in a night. The most underrated highly destructive way to learn a lesson is through trauma. It might not necessarily happen to you directly, but certain events will hold us spellbound for the best years of our lives until we fight for the freedom of our sanity.

It could be hurt or injustice done to a loved one, a family member, a friend, or even a stranger that would cause us to lose our sense of humanity. I loved once and I lost. I learnt, I let go. There and then, I promised I wasn’t going to put myself through the “all men are scum” phase again.

Lola had her share of pain. Ruthie has her story. Lex dodged a lot of bullets because her walls were intact, never letting her guards down. Mary was served a distasteful portion, she made it out, with her head up. Gifty let go of her pride for the wrong one.

And then… And then, there’s me… I closed my eyes as I laid in bed and went back to that day…

Never again! You hear me? Never again!” I picked my phone and walked towards the bedroom. He watched as I stuffed my clothes back into my weekend bag, there were tears in my eyes.

How did I let this happen? This whole time I thought I had him, I thought he was mine, mine alone… I thought to myself. Through the good, bad and ugly days, I had been there. I could almost hear Lex’s voice in my head again warning me against this ‘Bleep boy’ with those eyes of hers that could see through your darkest. That was her favourite tag for boys that didn’t meet her expectations.

“He ain’t good for you sis, he’s gon run off and leave you hanging” She would say. Hmmm, guess she was right. The tears didn’t stop exposing my weaknesses, breaking the walls I had built over the years, ripping apart the whole “strong and independent girl” facade. It got me angry. I picked my phone and dialed.

“Who are you calling?” He broke the silence, finally. Sadly with a silly question

“A bloody Uber! That’s what I’m calling!” I fired back at him. The silly tears just won’t stop. He’s supposed to apologize! He’s supposed to crawl on all fours begging! To say he loves me… Can these tears stop?!!! It felt like my brains went missing. More tears! Dear Lord, rapture me right now please!!!!!

The phone rang

“Sure I’ll be out in a bit”, my cab had arrived. Praise God! Now I can disappear. I went to the bathroom to collect my toiletries and my eye caught the matching towels I got us during the last valentine. ‘Screw him’, I thought to myself, ‘he can have both’!

“Can we at least talk about this?” he asked. The apologetic look he was wearing wasn’t even enough to mask the devil I saw in him. “Please babes, I hate it when you make rash decisions and jump to conclusions. You need to hear me out at least for a bit”. He went on his knees.

What- in -the- devil’s name did he think he was playing at? At least I had stopped crying, it’s high time I got the hell out of this apartment. The Uber driver would have started the trip without me.

Chaii! Lagos Uber drivers! If I stay back to listen to his excuses, I’d be forced to cancel the trip and still be charged for it. Hell nah! Then I remembered Ruthie mentioned she was going to prepare rice and chicken sauce. Perfect. I’d go back to the hostel and cry over a plate of rice and ice-cream. Life is good!

“No Wale, like I said before, never again!” I had to raise my voice now so it would easily drive my point home. Rice and stew on my mind. “I have to go, I truly can’t do this anymore, it’s like you lie for a living”. Shit! I have to be more dramatic so he would seriously understand I’m pissed. I picked one of the pillows and threw it at him “I’m done!” I screamed, ok this is better, I smiled to myself.

“I can no longer put up with your lying, cheating ass. Go to your hoes! And all your Quilox slay queens!” Enough drama, girl you gotta run. I’m beginning to enjoy seeing him sad. But is he really sad? Countless side pieces, leaving condoms hanging at the bed corners…sigh… If I’m to have a boyfriend that would cheat on me, I at least deserve a smart one.

“Becca, please. What would I do without you?” I picked my bag, leaving him on his sorry knees. At this point, only two things mattered: Rice and my increasing Uber fare. He didn’t run after me, not cool. Bitch-ass-nigga. I got outside, looking at my ride, nice car. Cool! I can take selfies for the ‘gram. The driver got out to get the door; holding it as I slid in. wow! Mr. Nice Guy. Guess it won’t hurt to flirt a little.

“You kept me waiting ma, I started the trip after five minutes of arrival” he said smiling. Bloody Mary! His accent was fine! He was cute too. It’s going to be a long ride home. My day was suddenly looking better- forgetting I was crying less than an hour ago. Like I said, it would do no harm to flirt a bit.

“Nah it’s fine. I got caught up with something” I said.

“Where are we heading ma’am?”

“Unilag”.

I looked at him, he was truly handsome. I guess I’m the female version of the ‘Bleep-boy’ Lex usually warned me about. Lost in thought, Wale replaced Rice and stew in my head. I loved him-right? I don’t even know anymore. I had my fair share of cheating and escapades too. I just wasn’t dumb enough to get caught. My mood changed. I didn’t feel like flirting anymore.

“Are you a student?” I heard him ask me. No, I sweep the campus. I answered in my head.

“Yea I’m a student.” Truly losing my appetite for a non-beneficial conversation. He was still smiling. “What level and what course?” Dude can you quit these queries already?

Sigh

“Mass communication. 300 level.” I answered at last. Irritated and angry. Ruthie would have finished the rice. Dear Lord! If I’m to die let it not be of hunger! The traffic was already building up from Osapa London to 1004.

“I’m Bolaji. You?”

“Rebecca, you can call me Becca”.

“Are you okay? If you don’t mind me asking. You look worried” he said again. “Should I turn off the AC?”

“No it’s fine. I’m just hungry. Please can you help me stop that gala boy?”

“Yes ma’am.” he waved down the gala seller. I was staring at him, smiling. Hmm, Mr Nice Guy

“How many do you want?” he asked. “Two is fine, thanks” i replied, stretching the money out the window.

The traffic had subsided by the time we got to Victoria Island. The rest of the journey was a quiet one. My fare wasn’t beyond the estimated rate. Given the traffic.

“Don’t forget my 5-star ma” he said as I stepped out of the car. “I won’t” I replied. It’s the least I could do-he was nice to me.

I ran happily to my hostel room. I couldn’t wait to gist my friends about the horror at Wale’s place. So I could cry on Lex’s shoulder and hear her proudly say ‘I told you so’. Then they would take me to Cold Stone Creamery, and buy me ice-cream or we could go to the club. Did I hear you say why? Because I’m heartbroken that’s why. Life is good.

“Becca baby, how far” one of my hostel mates greeted me. “What’s up? I’m good. Wetin happen” rice and stew on my mind biko free me, I thought to myself.

“Na so I spread my new Fendi hoodie on the line, by the time I reach say make I pick am, na empty line I find”.

What lame-ass-dumb-ass- buys a Fendi sweat shirt and spreads it outside?

“Lara maybe you should ask your roommates. They might have picked it for you” I answered as I walked away. There are more pressing issues than your Fendi shirt. I’m hungry. Rice on my mind.

I got to the room. Ruthie opened the door, surprised to see me. I was supposed to be gone for the entire weekend. No thanks to Mr Heart Breaker.

She looked at me “wetin do you madam, where’s le boo?” she asked laughing, her pretty fair face turning pink from laughing too much.

“I go gist you, wey my rice first. I wan die” I walked towards the pot on the cooker.

She laughed harder “Rice ke, I didn’t cook again o”.

Bloody Mary!!!!!!!!!!