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What If World War 2 Was A Bar Fight? - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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What If World War 2 Was A Bar Fight? by Mamman3300(m): 4:03pm On Apr 14
An unassuming, relatively kind man has been sitting alone at the bar…His name is Poland and he is a regular here.

China and Korea (also regulars) are sitting at a table. They usually just hangout and keep to themselves. One is enjoying a rum and coke. The other, a red-bull vodka (respectively).

Every once in a while Poland runs into his buddies Britain and France, but neither are here at the moment. Poland being Poland, contents himself with a drink or three, wondering if his friends might show.

Japan heard that China and Korea were at the bar though. Japan figured he would show up and give them a hard time. Japan has a Napoleon Complex. He is sort of a maverick.

Italy goes to the same exact bar with his friend Germany. When they get there, Italy runs straight to the radio to pick a song. Germany slugs the beer as quickly as Switzerland the bartender can provide them.

The USSR meets Germany at the bar. They usually hate each other but Bleep that guy Poland he is just sitting there... They secretly agree that they can jump Poland if and when he decides to go take a piss.

Japan just ripped a few shots of Sake and he is feeling nice.

Japan strikes! He quietly karate chops Korea and China at the point where neck meets shoulder... This renders both men unconscious before they, or anyone else, even know what is happening. Japan silently takes their money and acts like that is perfectly acceptable... while everyone else in the establishment does not even notice (which is ridiculous).

Italy walks over to Germany and grabs a seat. While Italy was playing with the radio station, Germany got him a beer, even though he knows Italy prefers wine. Germany hopes beer will make Italy tougher.

Poland finally gets up to go take a piss, Germany and The USSR quickly follow. Poland is facing the wall urinal. Germany charges in and punches Poland from the left, The USSR punches Poland from the right. They completely catch him with his pants down. Poland is basically knocked out cold and he might have serious brain damage. Germany and The USSR agree to divide up Poland’s valuables, his watch, the cash in his wallet, even the ring on his finger.

As Germany and The USSR exit the bathroom France and Britain walk into the bar. France is jacked but his muscles are mostly for show. He is even more muscular than The USSR. Britain is smart and he knows it. He knows his friends are less likely to get in trouble if he goes with them. The two were supposed to meet Poland but they were not known for their timeliness. Oh well, sorry Poland. They go to the bar to grab a drink.

Germany and The USSR walk by France and Britain. It is fairly awkward because two of these guys do not get along well right now. Germany says something about France’s mom in passing. France fires back and says something about Germany’s sister. They get in each other's faces. Most of the poo talking is incoherent at this point.

Britain just asks everyone to calm down and make some concessions.

The USSR does not really want any part in the argument and walks away. He just keeps walking back to his seat. He saw Finland walk in and he bleeping hates Finland.

With a glass of wine now in hand, Italy shouts encouragement to Germany over Italy’s shoulder. That's what it sounded like at least. Italy is standing over near the radio again turning knobs. He searching for a radio station to listen in on a football match.

The USSR decides now is his chance to pick on little Finland. He bleeping hates Finland and everyone else seems distracted right now. He walks right over to Finland who is sitting down trying to relax.

Finland gives The USSR more than he bargained for tho. While sitting down drinking a beer mind you, Finland kicks The USSR in the knee really bleeping hard. The USSR lunges for him but “Fin” slides under the table and pops out on the other side. Finland then finishes his beer and gives The USSR the middle finger. The USSR looks like a bitch in front of his tough German friend.

Boom! Just across the bar Germany punches France straight in the gut, where he least expected. No one saw it coming. France goes down faster than anyone would have thought. Then Germany swings at Britain but Britain dodges the haymaker and leaves the bar.

Britain is thinking to himself, ’holy cannoli that escalated rather quickly I dare say.’ He needs to regroup and gather his wits about him.

While France is down and out for the count, Germany rallies a few more of the Central Europeans sitting at some tables around the bar. They include Austria, Romania, and Hungary to name a few.

They join in because they want Germany to like them, and they do not want him to knock them out like he did to France. A few saw what happened to Poland and they told everybody else.

That American has been drinking at the bar with his pal The Philippines. They always go for the cheaper beer so they can drink them in quantity. They are trying to ignore most of this seemingly petty nonsense but the booze are getting the best of them. It seems like Switzerland the bartender is fine with letting them drink to their hearts content.

Germany gathers his new friends and they happen over to the bar to get another beer from Switzerland the bartender as well.

Britain shouts for for Canada, Australia, New Zealand, India and America to come over to his side and help a brother out. To Britain’s credit, he was willing to stand alone either way. America decides to go drink a beer with his buddies.

America and Germany are next to each other now. This is rather awkward… America wants to help France, China, and Korea get back up but Germany is not about to let that happen.

Japan feels like America needs to mind his own business and go back to his spot on the other side of the bar.

Suddenly, and without warning, Germany grabs a bowl of bar nuts and starts throwing them at Britain. Britain starts throwing bar nuts back at Germany… Honestly, at this point they are throwing any small objects that they can get their hands on. Few projectiles actually hit their intended targets.

America wants to go back to his seat at the moment and enjoy his beer/s. He makes a point to give Britain an extra bowl of his fresh popcorn on the way tho.

Germany notices this! He wants fresh popcorn too! What's America’s deal!? Germany throws bar nuts at America and pretends it wasn't him…

Luckily, America gets back to his seat. His seat is pretty far away from Germany so he knows he is safe for now (safe from Germany’s beer nuts at least). Canada, to his credit, endures further onslaught afield.

Germany has been contemplating the fact that The USSR has something like half of Poland’s stuff... Germany wants ALL of Poland’s stuff (Poland had some nice stuff). He also noticed that The USSR has a slight limp now. Finland might have shown The USSR was weaker than Germany thought… Could this be the opportune moment to strike?

Germany feels confident he can take The USSR now. The USSR even sees Germany coming from across the bar and does absolutely nothing about it. The USSR does not think Germany “has the balls.” Germany full hand bitch slaps him across the face and knees The USSR square in the nuts. The USSR buckles forward and goes down hard, but not for long.

Japan runs over to Germany and says “nice one man.” Japan bleeping hates The USSR more than anyone else. Japan high fives Germany and pretty soon they are standing back to back. This is a new friendship because they used to fight each other. It will have to do.

America decides its time to help China and Korea, but they have been totally bleeped up by Japan. America tries convincing Switzerland the bartender to stop serving Japan alcohol.

America turns to yell at Japan and SMASH!! Japan cracks a bottle across the back of America’s head then goes after Philippines. “Who is America to tell anyone else how much they can have to drink!? Who said Budweiser is the ‘King’ of Beers!?” America stumbles. The Philippines gets thoroughly pummeled.

Germany is beginning to realize he might be screwed. He basically picked a fight with half the bar. His friends include some Central Europeans, Italy (who has just been sitting there doing diddly squat) and Japan…who just took a cheap shot at America and the Philippines. Finland doesn’t count. He simply tolerates Germany because he harbors deeper animosity towards his Soviet nemesis.

Italy abruptly tries to stand and put up a fight for a change but falls face first into a table, breaking it in half. Italy is now laying face down, utterly blackout drunk. Italy probably should not have mixed beer and wine. You could blame Germany for that but Italy is responsible for his own decisions. Everyone else goes back to their altercations. Italy is left alone...

Japan has his hands full fighting America who is now “wicked pissed off,” and sobering up. He figures Japan has been a real pickle and America is going to light Japan up if he can. Japan puts up a good fight but he is smaller than America.

Meanwhile, The USSR finds his footing again. He gets back up slowly. He wants to confront Germany especially now that Finland is rooting for him, the little prick. The USSR is still feeling those last hits tho and has to take it slow. The fact that he is even standing is a commendable feat unto itself.

Germany has to focus on The USSR. He sees the look on the guys face, realizing that he really pissed The USSR off…

…Germany should have thought this through more thoroughly. poo fire.

Germany is trying to figure out how to do deal with The USSR. He figured that after getting kicked in the leg, bitch slapped in the face and kneed in the testicles, The USSR would have given up (most of the others probably would have).

Meanwhile, France tries to sit back up and Germany does not like this, not one bit. His attention is now divided.

America, Britain, Canada and their friends go over to France to help him to his feet, briefly tripping over Italy along the way. As they get close, Germany and his friends throw what bar nuts they have left. Luckily, no one has a nut allergy.

The popcorn leaves stains on everyone’s trousers tho. After running out of projectiles, Germany attempts to kick France while he is still down.

America and Britain are determined to help France tho. America yells “Bleep off Germany get away from France.” Britain yells,”yah Bleep you.”

It totally works. Germany is bleeped. France begins to get back up. And with the help of his friends, a tenuous grip on the counter, and some much needed wine, France gets back to his feet.

France is wobbly but he should be alright if he has some time to get his bearings.

Japan would go back up Germany, but he is on the other side of the bar dealing with his own problems. America is a tough opponent by himself, but now he has help from his home boys Australia, New Zealand, Britain, and Canada. Japan steadily loses ground.

The USSR and Germany have been really duking it out at this point. Every once in a while, Germany manages a nice counter blow, yet this does nothing to stop The USSR, who is bloody bleeping relentless!

It’s a truly epic fight. But, Germany may have overextended himself. His energy is running low, and things are only getting worse.

It soon becomes clear that Germany will lose, it is only a matter of time. Determined to fight to the bitter end, he has two options; Keep getting his ass kicked or surrender. Most would quit by now but not Germany.

Germany seriously gets his ass kicked for a little longer, but he finally falls to the combined force of the Allies. The dude is pretty bleeped up by now. From the looks of it, Britain, France, America, and The USSR literally punched the Nazi out of Germany. Needless to say, Germany is beaten.

America and the boys still have their hands full with Japan tho. Japan has put up a good fight but he is steadily losing ground.

Suddenly, America connects one then two powerful southpaws with the chin of Japan. Japan loses teeth and bites his tongue. He is stunned. Japan knows that The USSR fought with America, Britain and their pals to beat up Germany and his friends. Japan saw what happened to Poland and he knows better. Soon The USSR would come after him too.

Japan surrenders. It’s a ‘no brainer’ at this point.

Most of the bar is destroyed but the fight is finally over, thank god.


Re: What If World War 2 Was A Bar Fight? by vhiktorveroon(m): 8:55pm On Apr 15
wow #epic

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