WHY ARE YOU NOT MARRIED?

A famous animal does not always fill the hunter’s basket. Why are you waiting for the pension that never comes? You can’t complain about not having shoes while the person you are talking to has no legs. Why don’t you want to hear the patter of little feet?

Why are you not married? Are you still waiting patiently for the right man, for the right woman? Waiting for the right time and the right moment to walk on the aisle with that special man or that special woman of your choice? What are you waiting for? There is no Mr Right out there! What are you still waiting for, woman? Keep waiting; keep praying and rejecting suitors coming for you. Or that woman that will love you for the rest of her life. Keep seeking for God’s face for the right man or the right woman that won’t give you stress or that man that won’t in any way lay his hand on you. It is very good to wait until you wait no more; it is very good to keep praying for God to reveal the face of that man or face of that woman for you, until you start changing prayer point and change the way you tie your scarf to church. Until you start changing the kind of dress you wear to church like that of Mary-Amaka kind of dress. Why are you not married, sister? Why are you not married, brother?

Are you afraid of the frustration in marriage? Are you afraid of the responsibilities in marriage? Are you afraid of the desperation in taking care of a man or that woman you are dating? Are you looking for the right woman or the right man to your soul? Or are you looking for money? The truth of the matter is that there is nothing like the right man or the right woman for any man or any woman. There is no such thing. No man is better than the other and no woman is better than the other woman, the only thing there is the understanding between you and the man in question or the woman. You have to sit with him or her to discuss whether or not he

or she could live with you as a wife or as a husband. Sit her down, let her see reasons and why both of you should get married if it would be favourable to her or him. Let her know your weaknesses. Don’t hide anything from her, don’t hide anything from him. Marriage is of two people, it is an institution to be managed and developed by two people. There is no right man there as well as the right woman there. We all have our weaknesses and flaws.

I was once listening to a radio program where a woman was advising some women to stay in their marriage no matter the circumstances. She advised them to stay and stop divorcing men. She lamented on the amount of divorcee out there both a two weeks wedding are dissolved because of little differences between the man and the woman. She counseled not women not leave their men because MR B left hers. She said majority of the issues in the house are being caused by the women folks. I agreed with her to some point and I disagreed with her to some points. In a situation where the man is a monster, beating and punching his wife like a punch bag; I will only advise her to go so that she won’t get killed by the man. In a situation where she found out that her life is in danger in the hand of the man, I will advise her to find her way. One thing for sure here is that every man has a woman and every woman has man. I have seen a man who killed his wife and threw her into a suck away and ran away. The children woke up that morning and could see their mother and father. They waited for them but they were nowhere to be found. The neighbours came and the wife and the husband was nowhere to be found. The children were left alone for days until one morning. A stinking odour which people could not comprehend started coming from the suck away. The neighbourhood began to search for what was smelling and lo and behold; it was this woman that was killed by her husband, a pretty woman was found rotten inside the suck away. It was also a marriage where the man and the woman took an oath and said I do. This was the same marriage that the man sworn never to leave the woman in pains and in bad health.


This same thing happened in Ikotun part of Lagos where a husband ganged up with his sister to kill his wife. I witnessed this one. The funny thing about this is that love itself can be funny. Women are always the prey, the victims. It is their cause to love genuinely. They love with their heart, they were told them that they have to stay to build the family, they told them to stay even if the man is abusing them, the religion asked them to stay in the abuse to build and be Christ-like because the husband is the head of the family and they; help meet. This is madness. One pastor once narrated how a woman who was severally abused and was beaten black and red to the extent that her mouth, cheek was swallowed. She was asked to leave her husband but everyone was surprised when she told the court that she loved her man and she was not going to leave him. The most interesting part of the story was that she had not bear any child for this man. And she had caught this man on several occasions having carnal knowledge with their maid. And she still loved him.

You see, this is why most of us are likely afraid of marriage; the emotional torture, the emotional trauma, the heart breaks, abuse and many other things involved in this so called institution of marriage. But we must get married to someone eventually, we must fall in love someday looking out for how to make our home a happy home not seeking for the right man or the right woman but that man or that woman we can live and she or he understands us because marriage is that institution that one keeps learning and never graduates and our depth of our maturity is determines the height of our marriage. Stop looking for the right man, stop looking for the right woman or when God reveal that man or woman for you to know he or she is your husband or your wife. You have to choose, choose wisely because rush is the death of marriage and the carelessness of a man in a marriage brings a she devil called wife. Don’t rush it dear woman and man, take your time but don’t spend the whole of your youthful age looking for the right man or woman. You have dated Amaka and she disappointed you and you

left her for Chioma but Chioma didn’t give you the assurance you needed and you left her for Angela. You have dated ten men in a space of one year. Why are you not married, dear woman? Are the ten men irritating you? Are they not man enough to satisfy you on bed? What is your problem man? How many women do you want to sleep with before you finally say I do? What is your problem woman? Your marriage can only be successful as your singleness because you can only bring to a marriage what you are as a single person.

Rejecting suitors can be dangerous but that does not mean you have to jump into hell fire because of your mates are all married. Take your time as I said earlier but remember the goal in marriage is not to think alike but to think and act together. Be careful who you jump into his or her arms.

© John Chizoba Vincent
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Na wa o.