TRADITIONAL FAMILY REMAINS THE BEST

Ezinụno means more just a word for the family. It was deliberate combination of two phenomena created by our forefather to convey a lot of meaning in the Igbo worldview. Both the ezi (outside) and ụno (inside) all referring to the family setup. nọ has to do all that within sight in the man’s household such as his buildings, utensils, farming implements, defense objects like bows and arrows, palm trees, African pear (ube), yam barn and the rest. Ezi refers to all human and material resources that are outside the compound, such as ụmụnne, in-laws, ndi nwadiani, ndi nnaochie. Other non-human components are family lands, economic outside the compound (nkwụ na ụkwa). Ezi is never complete unless ụno is attached and associated with it.
An average Igbo family before the coming the white man was headed by a man with one or many wives. His children could be as many as he could have depending on the number of wives and their ability to bear children. The major reason for having as many wives and children as possible were to provide him sufficient hands in his farm. He is well-known in his vicinity and his means of livelihood is known to everybody. He would set up his own family compound without any fence or demarcation between him and his next neighbour who could usually be his brother or kinsman. The compound space was a thoroughfare for passage from one compound to another without anybody raising an eyebrow or try to hinder movement. In fact, not to use one’s compound for passage was considered a sign of enmity. The person passing will show pleased he or she is in doing by saluting everybody in the compound including those who are eating inside the house.
The man builds his outhouse (obi) at the main entrance to his compound so as to monitor entrance and exit into and from his family. He builds a hut for each and every one of the wives in the inner recesses of the compound. The women and their children lived in great harmony as everyone regarded the neighbor’s child as her own and do not hesitate to serve disciplinary measure to any erring child whether the child is her own or not. This is because the whole community sees child’s upbringing as a collective responsibility.
The compound was kept clean in turns usually by grown up girls or their mothers. It is the man’s responsibility to provide afternoon meal for all the wives usually yam. The women duty it is to take care of breakfast and supper both her own children and the husband. Every woman knows the very spot when her own lunch yam will be kept for her own and would never take the one that belongs to another for any reason. Whenever she could not see her own, she would know the reason and would never dare to take another’s portion. Possibly because the husband has something against her. Afternoon meal was usually vegetable yam portage with ukpaka, ordinary portage with oil and ogiri, yam eaten with vegetable soup. Other possible menu includes fiofio portage (pigeon beans), unripe plantain chips (achicha) with vegetable and cocoyam vegetable portage (ede a gworo agwo). Every child is free to enter into the other woman’s homestead to take a meal especially if the mother has not returned, has nothing to give to her children or cooking late.
The women are expected to take care of supper from their own effort. This is usually foofoo/pounded and bitter leaf soup/oha, nsala, ukwa (breadfruit) which is either prepared portage or with bitter leaf (ukwa onugbu), abacha with ncha/ngu. The man is entitled to a dish from each of the wives. It is sign of homage and honor and he takes what he could and pass the rest to his children. There are special delicacies reserved for a man who has performed a special task or about to engage one. Such special foods include ukwa (Oru a na-esiiri ukwa), thick special bitter leaf soup (aka aga n’oku). A wife is courting trouble if refuses to provide this supper whatever it is. However, she knows that the type she presents would to a large extent determine the quality and quantity of love she would expect in a very wife-competitive environment.
The man maintains high level of discipline in the household by enforcing a lot of laws and sanctions against quarrelling, bickering and intolerance. The women are aware of all these and make efforts not to go foul of any of the rules. Such bye laws are fighting, quarrelling especially in the presence of the man or early in the morning, stealing, poisoning, making of charms and willful damage of property among others. The punishment could range from fine, rejecting one’s food for a specific time, reporting you to your family, suspension to divorce.
Child discipline/duty
The children behave themselves and are very dutiful. Supervision was superb as the parents always engage them and never allowed to loiter or be too playful. To allow this could bring bad name to the family when such a child identified in outside the household. No family would want to have anything to do with such a child and would warn their own children not to associate or have anything to do with him. Every grown-up child, male or female is expected to go to the farm with the parents every morning. There was no going to school and you cannot to be idle. Doing that may even earn you the risk of being sold into slavery for being useless. When they are not in the farm, they are fetching water, keeping the compound clean, washing plates or scrubbing floors which was normally clay-coated and would require constant re-touching especially by the girls.
Each child has his or her pot befitting his size for going to the stream. The stream is usually located at the boundary between two towns or at one end of the town and could as far as more than three or four kilometers from the family. Depending on the distance, the children would gather together and set out as early as 2am or 3am to the stream and would go about two or three rounds before daybreak. The size of the water pot carried by each child would be either according to age or strength or both. To carry who is below one’s age or expected strength would attract mockery and humiliatory remarks among his peers and even parents. Every female child is expected to be around the mother in the kitchen during cooking to learn by helping. This is taken very seriously as it was a source family shame for a any married woman to be a bad cook (nwaanyi ajo nri).
It is a matter of serious concern and minus for our general to think that our forefathers were marrying upwards of seven or more wives and were able to maintain peace and tranquility in the household and was able to feed them. This is in spite of all the money, exposure and education, it is difficult a man to manage a single woman. It is worrisome the number of divorce cases that litter our society despite all the facilities available to us.

Okenye
(Rev Fr F.O.F Onwudufor)
Ụkọchukwu Osebụrụwa
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