It was 8:14pm. The street was dark - the streetlights provided by NDDC had been pulled down and had their batteries and solar panels stolen.

I was walking home after teaching a neighbor computer lessons. Just as I approached the junction, a police van pulled up in front of me.

"All of you, stop there!!"

Two armed officer jumped off the vehicle, and immediately started accosting me and some others who happened to be on the same road. One of the officers stopped someone in front of me, and found some medications on him.

"Ah, tramadol. You dey take tramadol, abi"
"No be tramadol, oga, na drug wey I dey take, I no well"
"Come on, shat ap there, you liar!! you criminal"

"You, hold it!!" he said, pulliing his gun closer to his belt as he approached.

"Wait, so you don chew your own"

"What?"

"I dey talk to this man, you just rush throw your own put for mouth"

"What?"

"Officer, come and hold this man!!"

The second officer walked toward us and grabbed me by the waist.

"Open your mouth"

I opened my mouth. There was nothing it, not even saliva.

There must be something attractive about my belt, because the first officer then grabbed it too, and both started pulling me towards their vehicle.
I was too lost to even struggle - they took me to their superior who was driving the police van.

"Oga, I stop this guy, im carry im tramadol trow for im mouth, im take say im smart"

"Sir, I don't have any drugs on me. I didn't swallow anything."

"oh, you dey speak grammar abi, no worry, when we reach cell, your body go tell you"

"Wetin you dey find for this road by this time, sef?", their superior asked.

"I teach computer classes," I replied. "I just dey go house when I jam una"

They asked me to hand over my laptop bag which they opened and began requesting for a receipt.

"I don't have the receipt with me. My house is just in front. We fit go pick am for there"

"Oga, make we arrest this criminal"

"wetin I do?"

That was when the first slap hit me. Then a pipe appeared from somewhere, and somehow made acquaintance with my arms. My assailant, not happy with the weapon, decided to go pick a cutlass from the police van. I stood shocked, wondering what the Bleep was going on.

I was handcuffed and thrown into their vehicle, where we continued along the road, picking up more offenders. Some were quick to run, others not so lucky.

We rode along Ikwerre road, passing through Mile 3 Market, and continued towards Mile 1. Two fellow criminals kept pleading, asking for leniency for whatever crime they had committed.

When I had an opportunity to speak, I did, narrating what had happened to their Oga.

"I didn't swallow any drugs, Sir"

"Are you saying my men are lying"

"No, Sir, they aren't lying. They might just be wrong"

"Dey there dey speak grammar, we dey carry you go NDLEA", responded the first officer who was riding in the front passenger seat.

We kept driving past Mile 1, then Education where we took the flyover heading towards Borokiri.

"Una no go tok na, when we reach office, no pity o!!! all of una must pay"

I was quite calm - apart from the handcuffs that were hurting my wrists, I found the vehicle quite comfy. I had begun to settle with the idea of spending the night at a police cell when the van stopped just after Isaac Boro park. Our driver got down and crossed over to the other side to open the door for me.

He asked me to step out, then unlocked the handcuffs.

"Bring your laptop bag, and open your laptop"

My fucking laptop (fondly called Theresa btw) decided that was a good moment to not come on.

"Oh boy, this one dey thief laptop join sef, criminal" said First Officer

After much "chukwu mere m'ebere", my laptop came on and i saw the smiling pig that is my lock screen. I logged in and luckily there was no porn on the screen. It was just my lesson notes and slides, showing my activities just before my adventure with the Naija police.

After another 5-minute interrogation, they asked me to drop off and find my way home.

That's how I walked Aba road bare-footed (lost my slippers in a little struggle before they threw me in the fan) before finding a taxi to take me home.


I have a lot of thoughts on this event - hopefully I'll find sometime to put them in words, without any vulgarity. For now make i just go drink cool beer, think my life. Just another day in Naija...

One of those bad experiences with Naija police.

Auxtin85:
One of those bad experiences with Naija police.

I was lucky. That's what everyone's saying. Some guy got picked and ended up eight months later in front of a Lagos court, charged for armed robbery. That's where he got bail and finally found freedom.

The stories people have shared since I had the experience cause me a lot of worry. Knowing that I am not immune to having this experience again feels so sad.

Our 'institutions' are dead. Change of force personnel won't cut it - proper reeducation and training is the only way forward.

You should have taken as much details, police number, vehicle reg, etc, as possible. This story would have been explosive with such detail, but I can understand how that would not have been your concern at the time.

budaatum:
You should have taken as much details, police number, vehicle reg, etc, as possible. This story would have been explosive with such detail, but I can understand how that would not have been your concern at the time.

This was impossible as the area where we were picked up was barely lit. Inside the vehicle was dark too, and most streetlights here do not work... The sun goes with the light.

But we've got pretty well-lit roundabouts...

Wow. This was terrible and scary, sorry about your experience.

But This made me laugh though Aren't you an atheist?
A son of Lucifer at most? thatt makes it even funnier

HappyPagan:
.

He asked me to step out, then unlocked the handcuffs.

"Bring your laptop bag, and open your laptop"

My fucking laptop (fondly called Theresa btw) decided that was a good moment to not come on.

"Oh boy, this one dey thief laptop join sef, criminal" said First Officer

After much "chukwu mere m'ebere", my laptop came on and i saw the smiling pig that is my lock screen. I logged in and luckily there was no porn on the screen. It was just my lesson notes and slides, showing my activities just before my adventure with the Naija police.
.

Daeylar:
Wow. This was terrible and scary, sorry about your experience.

But This made me laugh though Aren't you an atheist?
A son of Lucifer at most? thatt makes it even funnier

You see that Nigeria is such a useless country??the other day, I made a comment about Nigeria been totally worthless,some silly nairalanders almost tore off my moniker,now who's right?imagine a country where the police arrest you for just coming back from your workplace,is that a country?

9ja

Sorry bro...the country is already a scam...messed up country..u were even fortunate. They allowed u go without framing u up for a crime u did not commit and then ...sorry bcomes ur case...especially ph here don cast...i personally try to avoid any nite waka..na God go help us...ooo..pls anyone who has d means or opportunity to leave naija should do so without looking back ooo

Wizywiz:
Sorry bro...the country is already a scam...messed up country..u were even fortunate. They allowed u go without framing u up for a crime u did not commit and then ...sorry bcomes ur case...especially ph here don cast...i personally try to avoid any nite waka..na God go help us...ooo..pls anyone who has d means or opportunity to leave naija should do so without looking back ooo

PH is dead. Sad thing is watching all unemployed men, sitting all day at bet9ja shops, arguing football and politics. Naija wastes minds.

HappyPagan:


I was lucky. That's what everyone's saying. Some guy got picked and ended up eight months later in front of a Lagos court, charged for armed robbery. That's where he got bail and finally found freedom.

The stories people have shared since I had the experience cause me a lot of worry. Knowing that I am not immune to having this experience again feels so sad.

Our 'institutions' are dead. Change of force personnel won't cut it - proper reeducation and training is the only way forward.

Woow !!!!

HappyPagan:



PH is dead. Sad thing is watching all unemployed men, sitting all day at bet9ja shops, arguing football and politics. Naija wastes minds.

thats another terrible situation. Bro...shouting and killing everyday. ..na God hand we dey bro

Wizywiz:
thats another terrible situation. Bro...shouting and killing everyday. ..na God hand we dey bro

There's no God but government.

My own is when one Policeman Cocked his gun at me and trained it at my face. All he had to do was pull the trigger and i would be gone. This happened at Onitsha in the year 2010. I was really not myself that day, considering that the stupid guy who did that dressed like Rambo and was from Akwa/Cross area judging by the name on his uniform. This was someone that if it went fist for fist, even with his combat training, i will give him three minutes tops before i would have finished doing him the thing.

Malawian:
My own is when one Policeman Cocked his gun at me and trained it at my face. All he had to do was pull the trigger and i would be gone. This happened at Onitsha in the year 2010. I was really not myself that day, considering that the stupid guy who did that dressed like Rambo and was from Akwa/Cross area judging by the name on his uniform. This was someone that if it went fist for fist, even with his combat training, i will give him three minutes tops before i would have finished doing him the thing.

The first officer threatened to shoot, but I think that was just intimidation. Unfortunately, I'm not the kinda guy to back down - someone will leave there wounded or dead.

Lalasticlala.. How are you are?

HappyPagan:

The first officer threatened to shoot, but I think that was just intimidation. Unfortunately, I'm not the kinda guy to back down - someone will leave there wounded or dead.

Lalasticlala.. How are you are?

I'm speechless

HappyPagan:
...

Wow. Is it how life is in Nigeria for ordinary citizens? Damm

They are still the good ones. They never asked u to bail yourself and give u only transport fare, if not u won't think of drinking cold beer

Lalasticlala, maybe this is a bit relevant now.