This is from the winners of the Lyttle Lytton Contest where people compete to write the worst first sentence (in 25 words or less) of the worst imaginary novel, like "The man looking at me had eyery eyes and they were deadingly deadly!"

The winners are below

2019: "Are you okay?” asks my sister Tlaloc. “You’re as green as the parrots that inhabit this part of the continent.”

...joins a pretty amazing list of awful past winners:

2018: As I felt the vampire sexily drinking the blood from my neck, the warmth between my legs grew both in wetness and in fear for my life

2017: YOU, the Anagramancer, stare down the invading MANTICORE: Will you ROMANCE IT (turn to 123), give it CREMATION (turn to 213), or summon EROTIC MAN (turn to 312)?

2016: It all started when my topaz eyes looked up into his soft emerald ones.

2015: I drew my customized Kimber 1911 .45, with the Pachmayr grips and skeletonized trigger, and leveled it coolly at the African-Americans.

2014: “Together, we will beat them all,” she whispered, caressing the circlet-girt fontanelles of her #royalbaby.

2013: The men greeted each other, wearing various smiles on their faces.

2012: Agent Jeffrey’s trained eyes rolled carefully around the room, taking in the sights and sounds.

2011: The red hot sun rose in the cold blue sky.

2010: "I shouldn’t be saying this, but I think I’ll love you always, baby, always,” Adam cried into the email.

2009: The mighty frigate Indestructible rounded the Horn of Africa and lurched east’ard.

2008: Because they had not repented, the angel stabbed the unrepentant couple thirteen times, with its sword.

2007: It clawed its way out of Katie, bit through the cord and started clearing.

2006: This is the cipher key for all that follows: |||||| || |!

2005: John, surfing, said to his mother, surfing beside him, "How do you like surfing?"

2004: This is the story of your mom's life.

2003: For centuries, man had watched the clouds; now, they were watching him.

2002: The pain wouldn't stop, and Vern still had three cats left.

2001: Turning, I mentally digested all of what you, the reader, are about to find out heartbreakingly.




Can you come up with stuff worse than these?