Three undergraduates, Shola, Emeribe and Ridwan, were broke. They used to be Yahoo Boys but the law enforcement agencies of various countries had clamped down hard on cybercrime. Even the oyinbo people were getting wise and it was not easy to scam Nigerians nowadays.

They deliberated on how to get money. They considered meeting with Sugar Mummies but they weren’t handsome enough. They finally decided to kidnap a rich person.

There was a big company owned by Chinese people in their city; the Chinese people would fetch good money. They settled on a man who had a driver. In Nigeria, when a person has a driver, it meant the person was important.

They stole a car and followed the Chinese man’s car. The man’s car stopped in front of an ATM.

“Oh good,” Emeribe said, “This means extra money- money from his ransom and the one he wants to withdraw.”

The man stepped down and walked to the ATM. The three friends parked in front of the man’s car. Shola sat behind the wheel keeping the car running. Ridwan and Emeribe walked casually towards the ATM, keeping an eye on the man’s driver.

They lined up, waiting for the Chinese man to leave. The man withdrew some amount of money and as he turned, the two friends sprang and grabbed him. They lifted him bodily and dumped him at the back of the car whose door was opened; Ridwan and Emeribe sat with the man between them.

The car took off before the Chinese man’s driver could react. In the car, the man was struggling.

“Si su kun ni sha,” he said angrily

“Hey, hey, stop making noise o,” Ridwan said. “Do you understand English?”
“Of course you must understand English. How can a Japanese come to Nigeria without understanding English?”

“I am Chinese,” the man said angrily

“Whatever,” Emeribe said. “What’s the difference?”

Ridwan faced the man. “Now, listen attentively. I will speak and my friend will translate, okay?”

“Ko bin sha chin chan.”

Emeribe cleared his throat. “That is to say, you have been kidnapped.”

“Su shin shu shu ko kwan chi kwa.”

“That is to say you must cooperate or bad things will happen to you.”

“Shu shu shu ki ko kwa ka ko si ta.”

Emeribe stared at Ridwan. “What are you saying?”

“Just translate.”

“That is to say, we need the phone numbers of people who will pay your ransom.”

The Chinese man spoke. “Ko me kwa inshin la.”

“What is the meaning of that one?” Shola asked from behind the wheel.

In a Chinese accent the man said, “That is to say I will beat the hell out of you guys.”

The guys laughed. “Your father,” Emeribe said. “You think because you are Chinko, you can fight Kung Fu abi? Mumu.” He took a cello tape and slapped it on the man’s mouth. “We will even teach you a lesson for those nonsense products your people transfer to Nigeria.

Shola knew all the shortcuts in the area and soon, they arrived in front of an uncompleted building where they usually smoked weed. While the others dragged the man towards the car, Shola hid the car behind the building where no one would see it.

Meanwhile the Chinese man’s driver had reported to the nearest police station of his boss’ kidnapping. And when it comes to foreigners, the Nigerian security agencies do not joke with the investigations. They sent out a rapid response team to find the kidnappers.

In the uncompleted building, the boys dumped the Chinese man on the floor. Ridwan began to show some fighting skills. “This is my Bruce Lee style.” He did another. “This is my Jackie Chan style. Have you watched Snake in the Monkey’s Shadow?”

The man did not speak; he just stared.

“Do you think he can fight like Jet Li?” Shola asked.

“I doubt it,” Ridwan said. “But if he tries any Bruce Lee here, I will show him Fadeyi Oloro.” They laughed.

The man spoke up when the tape was removed. “Lo shan shin ko mu na ka la chi.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Emeribe asked.

“It means I have an appointment with my girlfriend and I can’t miss it.”

The boys laughed. “What sort of girlfriend do you have? Is she a Nigerian or a Chinese like you?”

Ridwan walked towards him with a knife. As he bent to threaten the man, the Chinese reared up and smashed an uppercut in Ridwan’s face; the force of the blow sent Ridwan flying backwards and he crumpled against the wall, all his teeth removed.

Shola and Emeribe were caught by surprise. Shola brought out his knife and rushed at the man. He stabbed the man’s chest but the man dodged. He swung the knife at the man’s head but the man jumped back. As Shola rushed at him again, the man jumped up, turned in the air and lashed a ferocious kick at Shola’s head. Shola was sent flying out of the building through the window.

Emeribe stood with fear as the man watched him. He looked at toothless Ridwan, unconscious on the floor. He looked at the man again and said, “So srry a la ma ki na.” The man was confused, so Emeribe translated. “That is to say, I am sorry, I am so very sorry. Forgive me, okay.”

The man said: “Sorry ko, Chuin chuan.”

“What is the meaning of that?” asked Emeribe.

“That is to say, I refuse to forgive you.”

“Aww,” Emeribe groaned. He threw the knife at the Chinese but the man dodged and walked slowly towards Emeribe. “You these Chinese people no get mercy at all. Nawa for you o.”

He looked at the window and ran towards it. As he dived out of the window, the Chinese man dived after him, feet first. Before Emeribe could land on the grass outside, the man’s boots caught him in the stomach. They both landed.

As Emeribe stood up with pain, clutching his stomach, the Chinese man spun in the air and kicked him with both feet in the face. Emeribe flew backwards a few feet and landed in a cloud of dust.

Just then, the police vans arrived. Somehow, they traced the car to the building. Detective Kolapo was there to pick up the battered kidnappers.

The police detective faced the Chinese man. “You are a brave man. Can you please teach me kung fu?”

Source: https://opinionsandstories.com/never-mess-with-a-chinese-man/