The love that carries a couple to the altar is not the same love that sustains them through the ups and downs of marriage. Juggling family, careers, and finances, plus the unique challenges of living with a disability, can leave us exhausted and overwhelmed. Yet despite any hardships, we are called to live in humility, considering others’ needs before our own. We are to “have the attitude of Christ.” Yet we live in a world that reinforces a me-first perspective.

You’ve probably heard the saying that we must first put on our own oxygen mask so we can then help others. This is true, but we must be wary that self-care doesn’t become self-centeredness. Most marriages have an ebb and flow, with seasons of give and take. But when one spouse has a disability, the other is often required to serve as the primary caregiver. This can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, or even depression. Self-centeredness on the part of either spouse is detrimental to a healthy marriage and is not the example Christ modeled.

In Philippians 2:3-8, Paul emphasizes the sacrificial nature of Christ’s love for us and challenges us to do likewise. In Ephesians 5, Paul reiterates this call to Christ-likeness, and then proceeds to apply the concept to marriage. He teaches mutual submission, where each spouse is willing to go the “extra mile” for the other. By contrast, the world promotes marriage as a partnership, an “equitable” relationship with a 50/50 split of benefits, burdens, and responsibilities. But life—and marriage—doesn’t always go that way.

How can we combat the human tendency to “look out for number one”? Prayer. Our Savior not only understands our unique needs but also tells us to come boldly to him. He asks us to lay any resentment, anger, anxiety, or fear at his feet, so that he can pour his love and mercy into our lives. Couples coping with pain, disease, hardship, or mental illness need to constantly pray together, asking for the same attitude that Christ had when he humbled himself to obey God’s plan. He gives us access to come before the throne of grace and promises to show us the way forward.
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