A very interesting, thought-provoking and educational story.


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CHAPTER 1
The cold water from the shower jolted me back to reality. I noticed that I was sitting, legs apart, on the floor of my bathroom decorated with pieces of pale pink tiles. My thoughts have taken over me again, taking me far away from reality once more. This has not been the first time nor would it be the last time if I do not do something about the situation, which has now, turned to a throbbing headache.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time to correct all those bad decisions of life as the consequences are dragging me down this dark cold lane filled with heart-wrenching pains and sorrows. I knew the consequences would be this grave. I knew what I was stepping into…. I knew…Oh, I so knew it all. However, I have to face it head on. I have to save myself for the last time even if I have to sacrifice a part of me I hold so dear.

The past 2 years have been fulfilling, not until towards the end of the second year did my woes begin. My brother, Joel, shared a Christian broadcast on YouTube with me and after viewing it, I felt the burning sensation in my heart. I was positive scales fell off my eyes and a wealth of understanding was introduced anew to me.

All I could think of was, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

CHAPTER 2
‘Reina’
‘Reina’ Mrs. Rose called out again.
‘Yes ma’ I replied with an exhausted tone.
‘Are you ok? Do you feel up to this session or should we reschedule for next time?’
‘ I am fine’ I responded with a sigh.

The trip down to my counselor’s office this morning was a decision made hesitantly. I didn’t want to go bare myself before her, exposing all of the dirty things done in secret. Above all, I despise facing my past which overtime, transformed to demons tormenting the hell out of my existence.
I could feel Mrs. Rose’s eyes on me, regarding me tenderly and soothingly urging me on. But before I could speak, my phone rang. My eyes darted to my sling purse with a scared demeanor. Could it be him? Is my past catching up with me?

‘Reina, do you want to take that before we begin?’ Mrs. Rose asked. I was still lost in thoughts and didn’t catch the question.
‘Reina, are you sure you are ok?’
‘Huh… Yea, I… I am fine’ I stuttered. ‘No, I am not fine’ I added hastily. ‘I am sorry Mrs. Rose, but can we do this another time?’ I marched out of the office hastily not bothering to check for the caller or wait for a response.
Outside the office gate, I stopped for a while to catch my breath. What is happening to me? What in God’s name is going on with me?

Following

Back at my apartment, I rushed to my medicine bag, took some pain relief pills, settled in my soft bed and prayed for some divine calmness over my being. It was so scary that I have to fight to keep my eyes open as falling asleep has become a luxury I cannot afford anymore. Alas, very tired eyes gave in and ended up betraying me.

I could feel his hands round me from back; his sweet kisses on my neck has always been my undoing. He knew and always held unto that info. His warm body against mine and the caresses were so welcoming. His breath on my neck accompanied with a soft moan after the kiss was so irresistible. I couldn’t hold back anymore.
Turning to face him, with the hotness welling up in me, I feasted on his lips; craving for the slow sensuous kisses that only he knows how to give so well. He responded with same urgency as mine and we shared such passionate kiss as we never had before, just like two lovers who have been apart for a long time. Before we knew it, we were already a tangled mess on the bed with our clothes tossed all over the room.
As we lay on the bed, touching and reveling in each other’s company, I raised my eyes to look at his face. He had this somewhat satisfied look on his face and that was enough to make me happy. I was positive that I love him so much, not because of how he kisses, not because he provides for me or says he loves me. I just cannot find a reason. All I knew was that I love and accept him wholly. I love, love this man so much

However, that happiness was short-lived when there was a knock on the door and the callout, Fr. Nick. At that point, I woke up, drenched in sweat, somewhat mixed with tears.

Did I see Fr. Nick
Issok

Getting interesting huh??

SunshineSylvia:
Getting interesting huh??

Yea

'Reina', my mother called out softly. 'Are you in here? You've been asleep for quite some time now. Are you felling well?'
'Yes mum, I replied. 'Just tired from the day's work at the company. I didn't hear you come in. Did you just return?'
"That's cus you were deeply asleep. Good thing I have my own pair of keys, I would have cracked my voice calling out for you to open the door.' She retorted.
I quirked at the tone of my sweet mother's response and regretted taking the pills.

As I tried to apologise, she stood up almost immediately to leave, announcing that dinner will be ready on time if i stood up from my slumber and joined her in the kitchen.

That name kept on ringing in my head and there was no way to stop it from tearing me apart. The disquieting emotions lodged in my heart threatened to send me to hades if I don't speak out. I literally laughed out at myself for asking God for calmness; I believe he probably is bearing down on me with rage in his eyes right now for defiling his prized sacrifice.

I strode to the bathroom to wash my face and set out for dinner preparation when I caught a glimpse of myself on the wall mirror: the sunken cheeks, face devoid of colours, eyes bags from not getting enough sleep, loss of fat and all other bodily features that screamed worry and neglect. I was a shadow of myself and no amount of makeup will dare to make me beautiful just like before. It seems like everything around me knew what I did and are revolting on behalf of their creator.

I miss my life before this chaos I got myself into; yes, I agree it wasn't so pleasant but I could sleep well albeit... I am so tired of how much I have lost in my life within a short time and I am begining to lose it completely.


There, standing before the mirror, gazing at my sorry, helpless self, I made a decision again, this time, determining to go through with it; a decision to pull myself out of this swirling, dark, bottomless hole... The greatest decision of my 29 years existence.